Steven Seagal
04-06-2012, 08:38 PM
G’day People,
This is a review best called Monica 2 The Sequel.
“
Life imitates Art”.
Once in a conversation someone said to Hollywood producer Samuel Goldwyn that movies weren’t like real life. Goldwyn replied with “Movies are exactly like life, but with all the boring bits taken out”. That’s true. You never see action heroes spend hours driving around to find a parking space or waiting forever in a restaurant to get served.
Life can also be like the movies to the degree that most movie sequels tend to never match their original or are plain out flops. I know there are exceptions. The Godfather Trilogy worked, but this is in part due to the writing of Mario Puzo being in all three. Yes, I know that also the original Star Wars Trilogy worked well too due in no small part to Lucas stealing the best ideas of Azimov’s Foundation Trilogy. But let’s look at the flops. Jaws was great, but Jaws 2, 3 and 4 were painful caricatures of the original. The French Connection was exciting, but French Connection 2 would put the most hard core insomniac to sleep. I concede that Magnum Force and Sudden Impact weren’t bad follow-ups to Dirty Harry, but by the time they got to The Dead Pool it was all a big yawn and Harry was no longer dirty but ‘civilized’. Mad Max was fine, but by the time Tina Turner arrived in Beyond Thunderdome Mad Max had run its course. After the original Crocodile Dundee, Mick Dundee became a real bore and the whole thing was repetitive. I won’t even go into the Lethal Weapons, Aliens, Predators Psycho and countless other sequels that should be relegated to the $4.95 bin at JB Hi-Fi. Get Shorty with John Travolta was witty and funny, but the sequel Be Cool was anything but cool. I think you get my drift.
The same is often true in real life. When we re-visit something it almost inevitably sucks. At my last class reunion I discovered that prom queen Paula Fanton married football hero Steve Cavalli and now he works as a janitor and she works as a checkout chick at Safeway. Daniel Garcia told everyone he was going to be the boxing Heavyweight Champion of the World and when I saw him years later he looked more like the Heavyweight Champion of Taco Bell. But who am I to talk? When all the old gang caught up with me they discovered my belt line had become bigger than my reputation.
My old army buddy Richard Amaral said “He who looks back clearly discovers he cannot go back”.
Well, today everything at work went bad so I went out for a punt and decided on a sure thing with Monica. Well it wasn’t a sure thing.
Maybe I caught her at a bad time. She spent half the session bitching about the other ladies who work there and some of the punters. (I wonder what she says about Ol’ Seagal? Probably that his dick is a stiff as a wet mop. ) This was not only time wasting, but really pissed me off. The following story and exchange illustrates this.
She told me about one of the ladies there who she said was a stupid bitch. For the sake of discussion I will change her name to Edna to avoid any shit if this gets back to 269.
Anyway she tells me how met a bloke on the street near to 269. Now Edna speaks little English but figured out this guy wanted sex and invited him back to 269 for some action. Evidently he felt entitle to have sex for free and wouldn’t pay and a big brouhaha broke out. (For those of you functionally illiterate a brouhaha is a ruckus, brawl, or uproar.) Anyway it was a right royal mess and Jenny had to call the cops to take this arsehole away. After hearing this story, (and I wanted sex and not stories), the following exchange occurred.
Monica: One look at that guy and you would know he was trouble.
Seagal: You could?
Monica: I could, but that stupid little bitch Edna couldn’t and got everyone in trouble.
Seagal: Yeah.
Monica: Such a dumb, stupid bitch.
Seagal: I think she’s sweet.
Monica: She’s stupid.
Seagal; Monica?
Monica: Yes.
Seagal; How about you suck my cock?
Let me just add something. Little Edna is sweet and if she is trusting and not too street smart or cynical that’s a plus in my book. It was readily apparent that instead of a heart Monica has a piece of concrete in the middle of her chest. She’s actually not so bright in trashing one of her colleagues and didn’t do herself any favours in the ‘I am a good person’ stakes.
By the way, can you remind me to take Monica off my Xmas card list?
My cock was getting no place fast with Monica’s pussy or arse. It was limper than a noodle soaking in a bowl of Teriyaki Udon soup. I’d had it with her and told her I wanted to do a double and when the double Lily came in I told Monica she could go. (I will give you a review of Lily at a later stage.)
As I was leaving I passed little Edna in the hallway. She motioned for me to come into the room where she had been sitting on a massage table. She gave me a big smile and a big hug and in her sad, little tortured English said “I hope you had a good time”. I did have a good time. That last moment in the hallway told me that yes, little Edna is sweet and she is not cynical and she has a warm heart and so she makes mistakes. It’s not stupid to be kind. We all make mistakes. Monica made hers with me and while she may get fucked in the future it won’t be with Steven Seagal.
Steven
This is a review best called Monica 2 The Sequel.
“
Life imitates Art”.
Once in a conversation someone said to Hollywood producer Samuel Goldwyn that movies weren’t like real life. Goldwyn replied with “Movies are exactly like life, but with all the boring bits taken out”. That’s true. You never see action heroes spend hours driving around to find a parking space or waiting forever in a restaurant to get served.
Life can also be like the movies to the degree that most movie sequels tend to never match their original or are plain out flops. I know there are exceptions. The Godfather Trilogy worked, but this is in part due to the writing of Mario Puzo being in all three. Yes, I know that also the original Star Wars Trilogy worked well too due in no small part to Lucas stealing the best ideas of Azimov’s Foundation Trilogy. But let’s look at the flops. Jaws was great, but Jaws 2, 3 and 4 were painful caricatures of the original. The French Connection was exciting, but French Connection 2 would put the most hard core insomniac to sleep. I concede that Magnum Force and Sudden Impact weren’t bad follow-ups to Dirty Harry, but by the time they got to The Dead Pool it was all a big yawn and Harry was no longer dirty but ‘civilized’. Mad Max was fine, but by the time Tina Turner arrived in Beyond Thunderdome Mad Max had run its course. After the original Crocodile Dundee, Mick Dundee became a real bore and the whole thing was repetitive. I won’t even go into the Lethal Weapons, Aliens, Predators Psycho and countless other sequels that should be relegated to the $4.95 bin at JB Hi-Fi. Get Shorty with John Travolta was witty and funny, but the sequel Be Cool was anything but cool. I think you get my drift.
The same is often true in real life. When we re-visit something it almost inevitably sucks. At my last class reunion I discovered that prom queen Paula Fanton married football hero Steve Cavalli and now he works as a janitor and she works as a checkout chick at Safeway. Daniel Garcia told everyone he was going to be the boxing Heavyweight Champion of the World and when I saw him years later he looked more like the Heavyweight Champion of Taco Bell. But who am I to talk? When all the old gang caught up with me they discovered my belt line had become bigger than my reputation.
My old army buddy Richard Amaral said “He who looks back clearly discovers he cannot go back”.
Well, today everything at work went bad so I went out for a punt and decided on a sure thing with Monica. Well it wasn’t a sure thing.
Maybe I caught her at a bad time. She spent half the session bitching about the other ladies who work there and some of the punters. (I wonder what she says about Ol’ Seagal? Probably that his dick is a stiff as a wet mop. ) This was not only time wasting, but really pissed me off. The following story and exchange illustrates this.
She told me about one of the ladies there who she said was a stupid bitch. For the sake of discussion I will change her name to Edna to avoid any shit if this gets back to 269.
Anyway she tells me how met a bloke on the street near to 269. Now Edna speaks little English but figured out this guy wanted sex and invited him back to 269 for some action. Evidently he felt entitle to have sex for free and wouldn’t pay and a big brouhaha broke out. (For those of you functionally illiterate a brouhaha is a ruckus, brawl, or uproar.) Anyway it was a right royal mess and Jenny had to call the cops to take this arsehole away. After hearing this story, (and I wanted sex and not stories), the following exchange occurred.
Monica: One look at that guy and you would know he was trouble.
Seagal: You could?
Monica: I could, but that stupid little bitch Edna couldn’t and got everyone in trouble.
Seagal: Yeah.
Monica: Such a dumb, stupid bitch.
Seagal: I think she’s sweet.
Monica: She’s stupid.
Seagal; Monica?
Monica: Yes.
Seagal; How about you suck my cock?
Let me just add something. Little Edna is sweet and if she is trusting and not too street smart or cynical that’s a plus in my book. It was readily apparent that instead of a heart Monica has a piece of concrete in the middle of her chest. She’s actually not so bright in trashing one of her colleagues and didn’t do herself any favours in the ‘I am a good person’ stakes.
By the way, can you remind me to take Monica off my Xmas card list?
My cock was getting no place fast with Monica’s pussy or arse. It was limper than a noodle soaking in a bowl of Teriyaki Udon soup. I’d had it with her and told her I wanted to do a double and when the double Lily came in I told Monica she could go. (I will give you a review of Lily at a later stage.)
As I was leaving I passed little Edna in the hallway. She motioned for me to come into the room where she had been sitting on a massage table. She gave me a big smile and a big hug and in her sad, little tortured English said “I hope you had a good time”. I did have a good time. That last moment in the hallway told me that yes, little Edna is sweet and she is not cynical and she has a warm heart and so she makes mistakes. It’s not stupid to be kind. We all make mistakes. Monica made hers with me and while she may get fucked in the future it won’t be with Steven Seagal.
Steven