Steven Seagal
12-07-2012, 06:46 PM
Jenny’s (La Zorrita Gorda)
269 Canterbury Rd.
Canterbury
02 97872657
Hi Gang,
This is a review of Fifi.
To understand this punt and how I wound up with her you need to know a bit of history.
I am a gullible character who always gets sucked in by phony advertisements.
When I was a teenager I followed boxing and subscribed to the ‘Bible of Boxing’ Ring Magazine. In those days it was full of fake ads in to back. Two of these ads I fell for.
The first ad I fell for was for ‘X-ray Specs’. There was a cartoon of a bloke with the ‘specs’ on and the ad said he could see through walls and through people’s clothes. “Hot dog! that’s for me” I thought and I immediately sent away my $5 and waited for them to arrive in the mail and arrive they did. I opened the box to be confronted by a pair of ‘X-ray Specs’ that looked for all the world like old 3D movie glasses, made of cardboard and with two pin hole punctures in each ‘lens’. I immediately walked outside and, being unable to see anything, walked straight into a wall. The bad news was that Stevie Wonder in the middle of a blizzard in the North Pole could see more than I could with those ‘specs’. The good news was I didn’t break my nose walking into the wall.
The second ad was for a ‘love doll’ and showed a picture of a guy standing next to his love doll that looked like a real woman and was hot like Jennifer Hawkins. The ad said that with the ‘love doll’ you could put her in the front seat of your car and drive around and impress your friends. Well, I had to have her as my own artificial sex slave and sent $35 for her and in due time she arrived as well. On the outside of the box she looked hot, but the inflatable doll was a letdown. I did not love this ‘love doll’. ‘She’ had a grotesque mouth and a indentation in her nether region that I assumed to be a pussy. Drive around with her in the front seat and show my friends? Even I know what a hopeless wanker they’d see me as being. When I showed her to my friend Larry he replied “Well Steven, you may not be able to fuck her, but the company that sold her was sure able to fuck you!”.
Allowing myself to be duped had extended to my punting. I have millions of examples, but for brevity I will cite three.
In a local rag I read about ‘Sofia the Greek Princess’ and her ad said she was hot, so I just had to see her. Yes, Greek she was and so was her fat-arsed mother who was in the flat and yelling obscenities at Sofia and me in Greek. You didn’t need to know Greek to know she was calling me a cunt and every other vile thing you can think of. Halfway through my action with Sofia she answered her phone and said to wait and she’d be back in a minute. I laid there naked on the bed for 20 minutes too scared to leave the bedroom and confront fatso Mama who was outside in the lounge room watching TV. Sofia returned and announced that she had just gone down to the fuse room in the flats and gave a guy a blowjob. I quickly finished with her and while showering heard all hell break loose between her and her Mum. Sofia screamed for me to “Get the fuck out of here or you’re dead meat!” Terrified I put on my clothes wet and with shoes in my hand ran out the front door into the street grateful I was in one piece.
Another time was also an ad in the local paper from a Lebanese bombshell with 40 DD bust. I am thinking how exotic that is and when I called she sounded really nice over the phone and it was only $150 for the hour. WOW! I made my way to her flat and yes she did have 40 DD breasts and they resided unhappily on a frame that weighted about 150 kilos. Look, I like bbws, but this was too much. She was a real ten tonne Tessie. Coupled with her immense girth was a woman who would make Charles Manson look totally sane. She was bonkers and told me tons of shit about her life that I did NOT want to hear. To give you a snapshot of what she was like I give you the following interaction:
Tessie: You know the neighbours called the coppers on me last night.
Steven: Why was that?
Tessie: They claimed I screamed like a maniac all night.
Steven: Did you?
Tessie: Fuck yeah I did.
If you’re depressed and think your life is screwed up, you only need to talk with her for five minutes to realise you are truly blessed in this existence. Short of suffering from terminal cancer that will kill you next week, you are better off than Tessie.
Well, somehow I ‘performed’ and split the scene. I should have contacted The Gunnies Book of Records people and had an entry made for myself that is ‘Most contortions made by a punter fucking a whale’.
The final one was falling for the self promotion of Jess who use dot stand at the door at Porky’s at the Cross. She was Eurasian, with dyed blond hair, huge 40DD natural breasts and a cute voice. She promised I’d have the “Time of my life” and in a way she was right. Once in the room and money having been exchanged she informed me I was an alcoholic and should get out of denial and get treatment. (Note: I had consumed two schooners in the previous two weeks!) She then said “I don’t think you can get your wee-wee up” and she was almost right. When I asked her for a kiss to try to get something going she announced “I don’t like to enjoy myself while am working.” She was successful in that I am positive she did not enjoy herself and contaminated me with the same experience.
Where was I? Oh yes, this is a review of Fifi.
I was greeted on arrival by Jenny aka La Zorrita Gorda (The little fat fox.) Every time I come here La Zorrita Gorda tries to palm off Apple on me and I reject her. This time there was a ‘new’ girl I should try. Now folks this girl is new in the sense that if today you bought a 1952 Studebaker coupe it would be a ‘new car’ for you. However, by no stretch of the imagination would it have been fresh off the assembly line. This was the case with Fifi.
I looked at Fifi and she looked ok. Nice face, weight for height, mid to late 30’s, b-cup breasts. Why not? Fifi it would be.
I fell for La Zorrita Gorda’s promotion because once in the room I discovered how salesmanship had come at the expense of candor. Fifi smiled and I saw a set of teeth that looked like they’d been neglected since day one and had never encountered the noble tooth brush. I won’t go into the horrid details, but those crook teeth were accompanied by a breath so strong and foul you could chop wood with it.
She was nice and accommodating, but all I could manage was doggie so that she would be blowing her oral pollutants in a direction away from me. Once it was over I was more than happy to leave.
So, I am still a sucker for any stupid sales pitch.
I’d write more, but just realised I don’t know what happened to my X-Ray Specs.
Till next time,
Steven
269 Canterbury Rd.
Canterbury
02 97872657
Hi Gang,
This is a review of Fifi.
To understand this punt and how I wound up with her you need to know a bit of history.
I am a gullible character who always gets sucked in by phony advertisements.
When I was a teenager I followed boxing and subscribed to the ‘Bible of Boxing’ Ring Magazine. In those days it was full of fake ads in to back. Two of these ads I fell for.
The first ad I fell for was for ‘X-ray Specs’. There was a cartoon of a bloke with the ‘specs’ on and the ad said he could see through walls and through people’s clothes. “Hot dog! that’s for me” I thought and I immediately sent away my $5 and waited for them to arrive in the mail and arrive they did. I opened the box to be confronted by a pair of ‘X-ray Specs’ that looked for all the world like old 3D movie glasses, made of cardboard and with two pin hole punctures in each ‘lens’. I immediately walked outside and, being unable to see anything, walked straight into a wall. The bad news was that Stevie Wonder in the middle of a blizzard in the North Pole could see more than I could with those ‘specs’. The good news was I didn’t break my nose walking into the wall.
The second ad was for a ‘love doll’ and showed a picture of a guy standing next to his love doll that looked like a real woman and was hot like Jennifer Hawkins. The ad said that with the ‘love doll’ you could put her in the front seat of your car and drive around and impress your friends. Well, I had to have her as my own artificial sex slave and sent $35 for her and in due time she arrived as well. On the outside of the box she looked hot, but the inflatable doll was a letdown. I did not love this ‘love doll’. ‘She’ had a grotesque mouth and a indentation in her nether region that I assumed to be a pussy. Drive around with her in the front seat and show my friends? Even I know what a hopeless wanker they’d see me as being. When I showed her to my friend Larry he replied “Well Steven, you may not be able to fuck her, but the company that sold her was sure able to fuck you!”.
Allowing myself to be duped had extended to my punting. I have millions of examples, but for brevity I will cite three.
In a local rag I read about ‘Sofia the Greek Princess’ and her ad said she was hot, so I just had to see her. Yes, Greek she was and so was her fat-arsed mother who was in the flat and yelling obscenities at Sofia and me in Greek. You didn’t need to know Greek to know she was calling me a cunt and every other vile thing you can think of. Halfway through my action with Sofia she answered her phone and said to wait and she’d be back in a minute. I laid there naked on the bed for 20 minutes too scared to leave the bedroom and confront fatso Mama who was outside in the lounge room watching TV. Sofia returned and announced that she had just gone down to the fuse room in the flats and gave a guy a blowjob. I quickly finished with her and while showering heard all hell break loose between her and her Mum. Sofia screamed for me to “Get the fuck out of here or you’re dead meat!” Terrified I put on my clothes wet and with shoes in my hand ran out the front door into the street grateful I was in one piece.
Another time was also an ad in the local paper from a Lebanese bombshell with 40 DD bust. I am thinking how exotic that is and when I called she sounded really nice over the phone and it was only $150 for the hour. WOW! I made my way to her flat and yes she did have 40 DD breasts and they resided unhappily on a frame that weighted about 150 kilos. Look, I like bbws, but this was too much. She was a real ten tonne Tessie. Coupled with her immense girth was a woman who would make Charles Manson look totally sane. She was bonkers and told me tons of shit about her life that I did NOT want to hear. To give you a snapshot of what she was like I give you the following interaction:
Tessie: You know the neighbours called the coppers on me last night.
Steven: Why was that?
Tessie: They claimed I screamed like a maniac all night.
Steven: Did you?
Tessie: Fuck yeah I did.
If you’re depressed and think your life is screwed up, you only need to talk with her for five minutes to realise you are truly blessed in this existence. Short of suffering from terminal cancer that will kill you next week, you are better off than Tessie.
Well, somehow I ‘performed’ and split the scene. I should have contacted The Gunnies Book of Records people and had an entry made for myself that is ‘Most contortions made by a punter fucking a whale’.
The final one was falling for the self promotion of Jess who use dot stand at the door at Porky’s at the Cross. She was Eurasian, with dyed blond hair, huge 40DD natural breasts and a cute voice. She promised I’d have the “Time of my life” and in a way she was right. Once in the room and money having been exchanged she informed me I was an alcoholic and should get out of denial and get treatment. (Note: I had consumed two schooners in the previous two weeks!) She then said “I don’t think you can get your wee-wee up” and she was almost right. When I asked her for a kiss to try to get something going she announced “I don’t like to enjoy myself while am working.” She was successful in that I am positive she did not enjoy herself and contaminated me with the same experience.
Where was I? Oh yes, this is a review of Fifi.
I was greeted on arrival by Jenny aka La Zorrita Gorda (The little fat fox.) Every time I come here La Zorrita Gorda tries to palm off Apple on me and I reject her. This time there was a ‘new’ girl I should try. Now folks this girl is new in the sense that if today you bought a 1952 Studebaker coupe it would be a ‘new car’ for you. However, by no stretch of the imagination would it have been fresh off the assembly line. This was the case with Fifi.
I looked at Fifi and she looked ok. Nice face, weight for height, mid to late 30’s, b-cup breasts. Why not? Fifi it would be.
I fell for La Zorrita Gorda’s promotion because once in the room I discovered how salesmanship had come at the expense of candor. Fifi smiled and I saw a set of teeth that looked like they’d been neglected since day one and had never encountered the noble tooth brush. I won’t go into the horrid details, but those crook teeth were accompanied by a breath so strong and foul you could chop wood with it.
She was nice and accommodating, but all I could manage was doggie so that she would be blowing her oral pollutants in a direction away from me. Once it was over I was more than happy to leave.
So, I am still a sucker for any stupid sales pitch.
I’d write more, but just realised I don’t know what happened to my X-Ray Specs.
Till next time,
Steven