Steven Seagal
12-08-2012, 07:58 PM
Jenny’s
269 Canterbury Rd.
Canterbury
G’day folks,
This is a review of Helen (Hi-Lean)
Let me just say from the get-go this was not as bad a punt as it sounds.
Before I get into the meat and potatoes of this punt I need to give a little history regarding my basic strategy in dealing with difficult situations. It can be best described as playing dumb. Does it work? I’ll let you be the judge.
When I got called up into the army I had to go for a physical and psychological examination. In terms of the physical you passed if you were able to stand up and breathe. In terms of the psychological test you spent 10 minutes with a shrink and if you weren’t planning to immediately kill everyone in the joint you passed. Toward the end of my session with the psychiatrist the following conversation ensued:
Seagal: Hey doc, what would it take for me to be rejected by the army?
Shrink; Do you have flat feet?
Seagal: No sir.
Shrink: Are you and only child?
Seagal: No I am not.
Shrink: Are you blind?
Seagal: Nope.
Shrink: Are you a member of a pacifist religion?
Seagal: I am Jewish does that count?
Shrink: Since when did being a Jew count for anything?
Seagal: You got me there doc. I notice your name is Jewish.
Shrink: Yes it’s Ginsberg.
Seagal: Shalom.
Shrink: That won’t work. Do you have a hearing disability?
Seagal: Huh?
Shrink: That won’t work either. You’re in and fucked.
Seagal: Thanks sir.
So, acting dumb did not work and I was in. Gents, I was well and truly in and ol’ Doc Ginsberg was right in that I was well and truly fucked.
Now we fast forward and brush the intervening years aside. I push the bell at 269 and mamasan Jenny answers. She tells me only one girl available and it is Helen.
I take one look at Helen and want to head for the hills, but the little head was doing all the thinking.
Helen, she pronounces it Hi-Lean, is late 30’s to early 40’s, shaved pussy, b-cups, kind of ugly face and a spare tyre around the middle. (It’s not a Mac truck spare, but more like a VW Beetle one.) Did I mention she has zip English?
She takes me upstairs and leads me to the first room on the left. She opens the door, sends me in, closes the door and as is the custom leaves for me to get ready.
There is a bloke in the room putting on his clothes and the following conversation ensues:
Clothes guy: Hey, what’s going on here and who the fuck are you?
Seagal: I don’t know.
Clothes guy: You don’t know who the fuck you are?
Seagal: Don’t have a clue mate.
Clothes guy: Piss off.
Seagal: Yes sir.
In situations like this I sometimes take a little trip to a alternative universe where aggro peoplereside. It is in that universe that on page 87 of the Daily Telegraph the following story appears.
Insignificant Person Stabbed in Sleazy Brothel
Canterbury: Today ambulance staff found local non-entity Steven Seagal with multiple stab wounds as a result of running afoul of another punter. When asked what happened Seagal said “I don’t know what’s going on!” It was clear Mr. Seagal thought he was dying as on the way to the hospital he kept saying “Keep yer cotton pickin hands off my wallet and tell my daughter to sell the shares in Cellophane Frying Pan and buy Apple before their new phone comes out!” That Seagal felt he wouldn’t make was evidenced by his asking the ambulance attendant to tell him Karl Stepanovic had been sacked from the Today Show.. When asked why he replied “I want to die happy”. When his daughter was informed Mr. Seagal would live, she was quoted as saying ‘Shit, I never get a break!”
I am not sure playing dumb worked here, but I am still in one piece.
After I retreated downstairs Helen took me to the first room near the entrance. I removed all my clothes and she returned to move me into the room next door. She did explain to me in Chinese why this move was necessary, but as my Mandarin and Cantonese are a bit rusty it is all a mystery.
Once I got in the room I made a fatal mistake. While coming down stairs I saw Cindy and told Hi-Lean I wanted a double with her. Well, she went and talked to Jenny and Cindy was busy but for the rest of the session Jenny kept interrupting with other girls even though I told her to forget the whole thing.
For her part Hi-Lean was energetic and not at all mechanical. She genuinely wanted me to have a good time and her ‘I don’t do list’ appears to be shorter than mine.
She is quite sexy and if you want dfk, bbj, cim, rimming and sex in every position under the sun, she is your girl.
One disclaimer here: If you don’t like sex with non-English speaking, chubby Chinese milfs that are a bit ugly then give Hi-Lean a miss.
Where was I?
Oh yes, see you later.
Steven
269 Canterbury Rd.
Canterbury
G’day folks,
This is a review of Helen (Hi-Lean)
Let me just say from the get-go this was not as bad a punt as it sounds.
Before I get into the meat and potatoes of this punt I need to give a little history regarding my basic strategy in dealing with difficult situations. It can be best described as playing dumb. Does it work? I’ll let you be the judge.
When I got called up into the army I had to go for a physical and psychological examination. In terms of the physical you passed if you were able to stand up and breathe. In terms of the psychological test you spent 10 minutes with a shrink and if you weren’t planning to immediately kill everyone in the joint you passed. Toward the end of my session with the psychiatrist the following conversation ensued:
Seagal: Hey doc, what would it take for me to be rejected by the army?
Shrink; Do you have flat feet?
Seagal: No sir.
Shrink: Are you and only child?
Seagal: No I am not.
Shrink: Are you blind?
Seagal: Nope.
Shrink: Are you a member of a pacifist religion?
Seagal: I am Jewish does that count?
Shrink: Since when did being a Jew count for anything?
Seagal: You got me there doc. I notice your name is Jewish.
Shrink: Yes it’s Ginsberg.
Seagal: Shalom.
Shrink: That won’t work. Do you have a hearing disability?
Seagal: Huh?
Shrink: That won’t work either. You’re in and fucked.
Seagal: Thanks sir.
So, acting dumb did not work and I was in. Gents, I was well and truly in and ol’ Doc Ginsberg was right in that I was well and truly fucked.
Now we fast forward and brush the intervening years aside. I push the bell at 269 and mamasan Jenny answers. She tells me only one girl available and it is Helen.
I take one look at Helen and want to head for the hills, but the little head was doing all the thinking.
Helen, she pronounces it Hi-Lean, is late 30’s to early 40’s, shaved pussy, b-cups, kind of ugly face and a spare tyre around the middle. (It’s not a Mac truck spare, but more like a VW Beetle one.) Did I mention she has zip English?
She takes me upstairs and leads me to the first room on the left. She opens the door, sends me in, closes the door and as is the custom leaves for me to get ready.
There is a bloke in the room putting on his clothes and the following conversation ensues:
Clothes guy: Hey, what’s going on here and who the fuck are you?
Seagal: I don’t know.
Clothes guy: You don’t know who the fuck you are?
Seagal: Don’t have a clue mate.
Clothes guy: Piss off.
Seagal: Yes sir.
In situations like this I sometimes take a little trip to a alternative universe where aggro peoplereside. It is in that universe that on page 87 of the Daily Telegraph the following story appears.
Insignificant Person Stabbed in Sleazy Brothel
Canterbury: Today ambulance staff found local non-entity Steven Seagal with multiple stab wounds as a result of running afoul of another punter. When asked what happened Seagal said “I don’t know what’s going on!” It was clear Mr. Seagal thought he was dying as on the way to the hospital he kept saying “Keep yer cotton pickin hands off my wallet and tell my daughter to sell the shares in Cellophane Frying Pan and buy Apple before their new phone comes out!” That Seagal felt he wouldn’t make was evidenced by his asking the ambulance attendant to tell him Karl Stepanovic had been sacked from the Today Show.. When asked why he replied “I want to die happy”. When his daughter was informed Mr. Seagal would live, she was quoted as saying ‘Shit, I never get a break!”
I am not sure playing dumb worked here, but I am still in one piece.
After I retreated downstairs Helen took me to the first room near the entrance. I removed all my clothes and she returned to move me into the room next door. She did explain to me in Chinese why this move was necessary, but as my Mandarin and Cantonese are a bit rusty it is all a mystery.
Once I got in the room I made a fatal mistake. While coming down stairs I saw Cindy and told Hi-Lean I wanted a double with her. Well, she went and talked to Jenny and Cindy was busy but for the rest of the session Jenny kept interrupting with other girls even though I told her to forget the whole thing.
For her part Hi-Lean was energetic and not at all mechanical. She genuinely wanted me to have a good time and her ‘I don’t do list’ appears to be shorter than mine.
She is quite sexy and if you want dfk, bbj, cim, rimming and sex in every position under the sun, she is your girl.
One disclaimer here: If you don’t like sex with non-English speaking, chubby Chinese milfs that are a bit ugly then give Hi-Lean a miss.
Where was I?
Oh yes, see you later.
Steven