cmk76
08-08-2013, 01:06 PM
http://blog.chinalovematch.net/blog/article/Chinese-Women-Waiting-in-Vain
Chinese Women Waiting in Vain
By Peter Vernezze
Recently I’ve heard some distressing things from Chinese women. For once, it did not involve my limited prospects with them. Rather, the discussions in question concerned their attitude towards the process of finding long-term relationships. In a relatively short period of time, several different China women from very different age groups all expressed the same sentiment to me: they believed that if they just wait around and go about their days as usual that love will find them, that they have to make no special effort because you cannot go out and look for love but must wait for it to find you.
What makes this attitude especially odd is that these women readily admit that in every other significant area of life, this laissez faire attitude is unacceptable. If you want to learn a foreign language, master a musical instrument, get into a good a college, travel the world, send your child abroad, advance in your career, lose weight, or achieve physical health—indeed, if you want to accomplish anything worthwhile--this will require great energy and effort. But somehow they think that the one thing that contributes to our happiness more than anything else is just going to fall into their laps.
The ironic thing is that traditional Chinese culture contains a proverb that criticizes this attitude: Shǒu Zhū Dài Tù: “standing by a tree stump, waiting for more hares to dash themselves against it.” The story goes that there was a farmer who was out in his field one day when a rabbit came racing by, ran into a tree stomp and knocked itself out, thus providing the farmer with free food. Every day following that, the farmer went out and stood by that tree stump and waited for another rabbit to come crashing into it. Unsurprisingly, the fortuitous event never repeated itself. The story is used to criticize those who wait foolishly for chance or luck, which is precisely what these women are doing.
Of course there is a good reason why women (and men) want to believe that love will just happen. It saves them all the hard work of meeting people, joining dating sites, going on dates, and more than occasionally getting rejected. They are like people who buy lottery tickets hoping to get rich rather than develop a career. But they are even worse off than the person who plays the lottery, because at least the person who plays the lottery has a chance of winning, while the person who sits on the sideline waiting for love to happen is guaranteed to be disappointed.
A further point is that even if—miracles of miracles—they happen to stumble across someone in this manner, this passive attitude is bound to doom the relationship. This is because if finding a relationship takes work, keeping a relationship going takes a lot of work—as any couple with a successful long term relationship will tell you. And a woman who thinks maintaining a healthy relationship just happens is going to ultimately be alone again.
I realize that I am preaching to the choir here since you Chinese women have all taken the step of joining China Love Match and taking an active role in your romantic future. I hope at least these words provide some solace so that when things get tough at least you can remind yourself that by seriously participating in online Chinese dating you are doing something to achieve your romantic ideal and not merely waiting for the rabbit to hit the tree.
So, all the WL's and ML's are all in their shops waiting for their prince charmings, to walk into their life and sweep them off their feet. They join their sisterhood all across Sydney singing...
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love.
From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, girl,
My heart says follow t'rough.
But I know, now, that I'm way down on your line,
But the waitin' feel is fine:
So don't treat me like a puppet on a string,
'Cause I know I have to do my thing.
Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb;
I wanna know when you're gonna come - soon.
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love,
'Cause if summer is here,
I'm still waiting there;
Winter is here,
And I'm still waiting there.
- Bob Marley
Chinese Women Waiting in Vain
By Peter Vernezze
Recently I’ve heard some distressing things from Chinese women. For once, it did not involve my limited prospects with them. Rather, the discussions in question concerned their attitude towards the process of finding long-term relationships. In a relatively short period of time, several different China women from very different age groups all expressed the same sentiment to me: they believed that if they just wait around and go about their days as usual that love will find them, that they have to make no special effort because you cannot go out and look for love but must wait for it to find you.
What makes this attitude especially odd is that these women readily admit that in every other significant area of life, this laissez faire attitude is unacceptable. If you want to learn a foreign language, master a musical instrument, get into a good a college, travel the world, send your child abroad, advance in your career, lose weight, or achieve physical health—indeed, if you want to accomplish anything worthwhile--this will require great energy and effort. But somehow they think that the one thing that contributes to our happiness more than anything else is just going to fall into their laps.
The ironic thing is that traditional Chinese culture contains a proverb that criticizes this attitude: Shǒu Zhū Dài Tù: “standing by a tree stump, waiting for more hares to dash themselves against it.” The story goes that there was a farmer who was out in his field one day when a rabbit came racing by, ran into a tree stomp and knocked itself out, thus providing the farmer with free food. Every day following that, the farmer went out and stood by that tree stump and waited for another rabbit to come crashing into it. Unsurprisingly, the fortuitous event never repeated itself. The story is used to criticize those who wait foolishly for chance or luck, which is precisely what these women are doing.
Of course there is a good reason why women (and men) want to believe that love will just happen. It saves them all the hard work of meeting people, joining dating sites, going on dates, and more than occasionally getting rejected. They are like people who buy lottery tickets hoping to get rich rather than develop a career. But they are even worse off than the person who plays the lottery, because at least the person who plays the lottery has a chance of winning, while the person who sits on the sideline waiting for love to happen is guaranteed to be disappointed.
A further point is that even if—miracles of miracles—they happen to stumble across someone in this manner, this passive attitude is bound to doom the relationship. This is because if finding a relationship takes work, keeping a relationship going takes a lot of work—as any couple with a successful long term relationship will tell you. And a woman who thinks maintaining a healthy relationship just happens is going to ultimately be alone again.
I realize that I am preaching to the choir here since you Chinese women have all taken the step of joining China Love Match and taking an active role in your romantic future. I hope at least these words provide some solace so that when things get tough at least you can remind yourself that by seriously participating in online Chinese dating you are doing something to achieve your romantic ideal and not merely waiting for the rabbit to hit the tree.
So, all the WL's and ML's are all in their shops waiting for their prince charmings, to walk into their life and sweep them off their feet. They join their sisterhood all across Sydney singing...
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love.
From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, girl,
My heart says follow t'rough.
But I know, now, that I'm way down on your line,
But the waitin' feel is fine:
So don't treat me like a puppet on a string,
'Cause I know I have to do my thing.
Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb;
I wanna know when you're gonna come - soon.
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love,
'Cause if summer is here,
I'm still waiting there;
Winter is here,
And I'm still waiting there.
- Bob Marley