Growing up in the Asian culture

[rage_face]

Correct me if I'm wrong brothers, but the main difference I see between Asian culture and western culture in terms of raising children, is that Asian parents have children so they can be looked after by their children when they are old, whereas western parents don't seem to want anything to do with their kids as soon as the kids hit 18.

I raise this topic because of this - my parents expect me to look after them and my sister. Only my dad works, but he is close to retirement (no super, worked for Asian businesses all life). My sister works, but is not very independent. And my problem is, although I can manage all of that right now, there is no time for 'me'...I don't have the time or money for a girlfriend. Although my parents expect me to get married 'some day', everytime I try to do things on my own (like go out with friends, which has opportunity to meet chicks), I get called selfish, neglecting my parents, or my parents want me to bring my sister along. Uhhh...no.

I cannot possibly imagine maintaining my current financials in supporting my family and buying a property for myself (and hopefully my future girlfriend) to live in. If I didn't have to support my family, I would have a property under mortgage and a nice car by now. But I know if I ever try to do that, my parents will 'shame' me for being 'selfish'.

Do any of you Asian brothers here ever feel the same? Non-asian bros are welcome to post as well.

[asiafever]

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"whereas western parents don't seem to want anything to do with their kids as soon as the kids hit 18." You'll need to explain that one more, but essentially it's bollocks. It's just that when you reach adulthood parents let you fly from the nest when you are ready to live your own life, they don't just dump you.

Your position is not uncommon in Asian culture true. I have Korean friends who are expected to send whatever money they earn here back to their parents in Korea, whereas for westerners it's a bit the opposite. Do your parents own their house? Perhaps they want your sister to go along so she can meet a guy and marry off as well?

[paulgallen]

you should be looking after your parents and save that money that you spent on punting for them. reading this site will make u spend more on yourself

[HengDai]

Correct me if I'm wrong brothers, but the main difference I see between Asian culture and western culture in terms of raising children, is that Asian parents have children so they can be looked after by their children when they are old, whereas western parents don't seem to want anything to do with their kids as soon as the kids hit 18.

I raise this topic because of this - my parents expect me to look after them and my sister. Only my dad works, but he is close to retirement (no super, worked for Asian businesses all life). My sister works, but is not very independent. And my problem is, although I can manage all of that right now, there is no time for 'me'...I don't have the time or money for a girlfriend. Although my parents expect me to get married 'some day', everytime I try to do things on my own (like go out with friends, which has opportunity to meet chicks), I get called selfish, neglecting my parents, or my parents want me to bring my sister along. Uhhh...no.

I cannot possibly imagine maintaining my current financials in supporting my family and buying a property for myself (and hopefully my future girlfriend) to live in. If I didn't have to support my family, I would have a property under mortgage and a nice car by now. But I know if I ever try to do that, my parents will 'shame' me for being 'selfish'.

Do any of you Asian brothers here ever feel the same? Non-asian bros are welcome to post as well.

I think that's a swooping generalisation and it by no means represents everyone in the Asian and/or Caucasian/Western community. Whilst I understand your situation, I know friends who find themselves in similar situations themselves, and I also have friends who do not fit into that stereotype at all. Almost a complete opposite. So I think like punting, YMMV, families are influenced by many things, culture and tradition are but two. Friends, financial status, the changing times, political and social opinion are others that may play a part.
I guess I'm trying to say, treat your situation at home as your situation. Your family is unique (just like everyone else's). These are the cards you've been dealt, so make the best of what you have and if family is your top priority (it is for me), then bite the bullet and man up and support them. Don't compare your position with what others may have, you'll only make yourself feel worse than you already do.

P.S. Have you called the shop yet? :)


you should be looking after your parents and save that money that you spent on punting for them. reading this site will make u spend more on yourself
LOL, just love your user name... G-TRAIN!!!! Rawr!!!

[herecticx]

ive given everything for my family

and its never enough. its taken such a huge toll on my mental health

i dont even care anymore

[Max Impact]

I'm struggling with which formula is the right one. Eastern or Western.

I would have said Eastern until Herectivx's comment.

[IExperiment]

Correct me if I'm wrong brothers, but the main difference I see between Asian culture and western culture in terms of raising children, is that Asian parents have children so they can be looked after by their children when they are old, whereas western parents don't seem to want anything to do with their kids as soon as the kids hit 18.

I raise this topic because of this - my parents expect me to look after them and my sister. Only my dad works, but he is close to retirement (no super, worked for Asian businesses all life). My sister works, but is not very independent. And my problem is, although I can manage all of that right now, there is no time for 'me'...I don't have the time or money for a girlfriend. Although my parents expect me to get married 'some day', everytime I try to do things on my own (like go out with friends, which has opportunity to meet chicks), I get called selfish, neglecting my parents, or my parents want me to bring my sister along. Uhhh...no.

I cannot possibly imagine maintaining my current financials in supporting my family and buying a property for myself (and hopefully my future girlfriend) to live in. If I didn't have to support my family, I would have a property under mortgage and a nice car by now. But I know if I ever try to do that, my parents will 'shame' me for being 'selfish'.

Do any of you Asian brothers here ever feel the same? Non-asian bros are welcome to post as well.

I know where you coming from and I guess your family is a little old fashion, there is so many scenario with family situation.

Pick your case some western family are different too, one scenario where they life in Mosman/manly in their multy million dollars mansion and their kids are usseles, on the other side of the coin in western suburb where they are just leaving day by day but the kids are doing well as they are trying to get a better live for them self.

So are you the type who sit for dinner as a family member, which is cute like in the old movie :)
I can see it would be hard to talk to your parent if they are old fashion, I suggest you leave and give them pocket money each week and start your live.
Or you could wait and try to bring a blond leaving with your family which will be good,bad and some fun too :) might be a little awkward but there will be some funny side to it as well :) this would be a drama story in the movie scene.

Are they really that old fashion ???

[AHLUNGOR]

I know where you coming from and I guess your family is a little old fashion, there is so many scenario with family situation.

Pick your case some western family are different too, one scenario where they life in Mosman/manly in their multy million dollars mansion and their kids are usseles, on the other side of the coin in western suburb where they are just leaving day by day but the kids are doing well as they are trying to get a better live for them self.

So are you the type who sit for dinner as a family member, which is cute like in the old movie :)
I can see it would be hard to talk to your parent if they are old fashion, I suggest you leave and give them pocket money each week and start your live.
Or you could wait and try to bring a blond leaving with your family which will be good,bad and some fun too :) might be a little awkward but there will be some funny side to it as well :) this would be a drama story in the movie scene.

Are they really that old fashion ???

Did any one watch Everybody Loves Raymond !

I think the mother is really the star of the show !!

Then you can take a look at the Modern Family - I will be watching Sophia's big tits only of course !

Two very different and yet a little bit similar family/parents/grown up and married adult children situations !

And then in HongKong, we watch different family dramas every day.

And HK is very much westernized these days, so a lot of the sitcom situation from the US and UK you can see happening in today's HK families too!

So really no right or wrong or yes or no answer. Every family is different and unique, and you just have to do what's best for your own and make sure the elderly are looked after while you still have your own life and space !

My two cents

Cheers

[jellyshots]

All I can remember about home life was the copious amounts of food. But certainly, I'd give them a little but no way I'd stay living with them.

[CunningLinguist]

I suppose in some asian countries it is traditional for the kids to look after the elders as there is no social security etc.
In Australia and other western nations there is some sort of safety net so kids don't need to look after elders.
People tend to bring their culture with them, whether it makes sense or not, when they immigrate.
By and large this is a good thing as it enriches the local culture, but some things just don't make sense ...