Monile Phones - We are their slaves

[porkswordsman]

There’s something new going on.....
With the male of the race
Where once large was better
Now it's not the case

Traditionally we were obsessed
And pre-possessed
With all the items mentioned
Then it was our cocks of very big dimensions

Those times are now gone
And a new regime
Of male one-upmanship
Has come upon on the scene

Penis extensions
Have packed up and gone home
For now it is the age
Of the tiny mobile phone

Now it is the age
Of the modern pub-bore
Who's just as likely to say
“Mine’s 'smaller' than is yours

It’s only two inches long
No bragging here intended
Mind you but that is when
It’s fully extended

But old habits die hard
Though that’s not what they'll tell you
So eventually they let slip
"Have a look at this cool menu"

And they all hang out in bars
Around bleeping-ridden tables
Text-messaging each other
With old familiar fables

Like “I’m waiting in the pub”
Which can be proven to be true
'Cause the bloke that you are talking to
Is sitting opposite you

So which fuzzy logo
Will identify your taste?
You’re making a fashion statement now
Don't choose it in haste

While ringtones abound
That satisfy your needs
You're bathed tonight in sounds
Of traumatised bees

That colour’s out of fashion
But this one’s pretty cool
It’s got to look original
Or you you're a bloody fool

So you’ve got a great new phone?
And it's so bloody hot
And you got it from where?
Oh so fucking what????

(.....Meanwhile the flood-tide surges over
Bass work the reef in half-darkness
Shear-waters veer in and out
Across endless wave-crests
Fading into dusk
A Lonely call of the oyster catcher
Echoes once again from shingle sky.....)

Oh Sorry mate.
I must have drifted off....
Tell me again how many options,
has that thing got?