Steven Seagal
27-12-2012, 05:48 PM
Howdy All,
Steven Seagal’s Guide to Assessing Asian Massage Parlours.
Ol’ Steven Seagal thought he would give some guidelines regarding how to find out if a massage lady will offer extras. There is an art to being able to assess this and consequently some of you will never get the hang of it.
I know that many of you have stood outside Asian massage joints and asked “Is this legit or not?” I also know a number of you have then gone inside, booked for an hour, laid on the table and asked yourself ‘Are extras available?’
Let me first lay down some basic Seagal principles to get you going.
1. Nothing is always true. Any rule or principle has numerous exceptions.
2. No single piece of data, except a WL saying “You can fuck me for $50 ensures that extras are on the table.
3. Things are not always as they seem.
4. If you are gentle and treat people with respect a good outcome is most likely
5. When in doubt ask halfway through the massage.
6. ‘No’ means ‘No’ and should be automatically respected.
First of all, don’t call a place and ask the papasan or mamasan if the ladies do a handjob or extras? What are ya. . .stupid? They will not answer this sort of thing over the phone. You could be from the council and out to shut them down on behalf of the do-gooders swamping this town. So, forget calling and asking up front. Are there exceptions? Yes with upmarket places like Midas in Marrickville , Romeos in St. Peters, Juliet in Burwood and Masstige8 in Ultimo go ahead and ask over the phone. These joints are asking a lot more than $50 for an hour massage and you’re entitled to know what you’re going to get. The best way to ask is to simply ask ‘What is included in the service?” In most other instances you will get a simple ‘No’ answer.
Second, some places that tend to be legit you can tell from the outside. Most Thai places in the City and suburbs with a big, glossy, upmarket photo of a Thai girl massaging a Western lady should tell you that it is probably legit. This is even more the case when they offer ‘health fund rebates’. Is this always true? Of course not, but usually is. Also note how the building looks. If it is rundown with faded signage and you walk up some dimly lit stairs littered with trash and the faint smell of rat urine, you have likely to have hit pay dirt as far as extras go.
Once you are in the joint look at the level of professionalism in the place. If it smells fine, has a recent coat of paint and they have a display of health care products you are probably S.O.L., (shit out of luck), in terms of extras. If, on the other hand, you are greeted by a surly papasan with a cigarette handing out of his gob and saying “Only one lady here.”, you’re near the mother lode of punts. If mamasan is talking to you with her mouth full, wearing her lunch on her blouse and you can’t understand a damn thing that’s a good sign they are after as much cash as they can get their greasy hands on.
You have now been led into the room. Take a looksat the room. If those old health care products have resurfaced and everything looks like it’s just been washed you’re probably fucked in terms of extras. If, on the other hand, the room is like a broom closet, there are several boxes of tissues and a tissue is already placed strategically on the massage table at the place your cock will wind up, there is hope.
Next, the massage lady comes in and tells you to take your clothes off. Take a look at how she is dressed. If she is wearing a white coat and has a stethoscope draped around her neck forget any moments of ecstasy from this one. The odds diminish even further if there are plaques on the wall from the University of Beijing or some such place. If, on the other hand, she walks in with a low cut top on revealing half of her breasts, wearing hot pants and calling you ‘Darling’ and ‘Swee’ you’re over halfway toward getting those precious extras.
Ok, she has left the room. Take all your clothes off and lay face down. If she comes back in and gives you a massage gown to wear or covers you with a wash cloth you’re probably only getting rubbed therapeutically. If she pats your arse, you can start reaching for your wallet.
She is now massaging you. Does she allow her legs to rub against your arms or place her legs so that your arms are in between them. If she does then touch her leg and see her response. These ladies know how to massage and stay perfectly out of touching range if they want to. If she does not move away ask her “Is it alright for me to touch your leg?’ If the answer is affirmative then extras are on the table. Also, if during the massage she brushes gasint your private parts with her hands this doe snot tend ot be an accident and is a signal that more may be on the cards.
If you are now halfway through the session and are not sure then ask her if she offers a sexy massage or other things. My nephew Edd ‘Kookie’ Byrnes used to always ask at this stage “Do you suck?”, but I always felt this was too primitive.
It is at this final point that you will discover for sure if extras are available. If they are not, forget about them and enjoy what is left of the massage. (Note: Some ladies will not offer extras on a first meeting, but if treated with respect will offer on subsequent visits.)
So, there you have. I could go into detail and write a book on this area, but you have enough to get a general idea.
Until that time folks . . .until that time.
Steven
Steven Seagal’s Guide to Assessing Asian Massage Parlours.
Ol’ Steven Seagal thought he would give some guidelines regarding how to find out if a massage lady will offer extras. There is an art to being able to assess this and consequently some of you will never get the hang of it.
I know that many of you have stood outside Asian massage joints and asked “Is this legit or not?” I also know a number of you have then gone inside, booked for an hour, laid on the table and asked yourself ‘Are extras available?’
Let me first lay down some basic Seagal principles to get you going.
1. Nothing is always true. Any rule or principle has numerous exceptions.
2. No single piece of data, except a WL saying “You can fuck me for $50 ensures that extras are on the table.
3. Things are not always as they seem.
4. If you are gentle and treat people with respect a good outcome is most likely
5. When in doubt ask halfway through the massage.
6. ‘No’ means ‘No’ and should be automatically respected.
First of all, don’t call a place and ask the papasan or mamasan if the ladies do a handjob or extras? What are ya. . .stupid? They will not answer this sort of thing over the phone. You could be from the council and out to shut them down on behalf of the do-gooders swamping this town. So, forget calling and asking up front. Are there exceptions? Yes with upmarket places like Midas in Marrickville , Romeos in St. Peters, Juliet in Burwood and Masstige8 in Ultimo go ahead and ask over the phone. These joints are asking a lot more than $50 for an hour massage and you’re entitled to know what you’re going to get. The best way to ask is to simply ask ‘What is included in the service?” In most other instances you will get a simple ‘No’ answer.
Second, some places that tend to be legit you can tell from the outside. Most Thai places in the City and suburbs with a big, glossy, upmarket photo of a Thai girl massaging a Western lady should tell you that it is probably legit. This is even more the case when they offer ‘health fund rebates’. Is this always true? Of course not, but usually is. Also note how the building looks. If it is rundown with faded signage and you walk up some dimly lit stairs littered with trash and the faint smell of rat urine, you have likely to have hit pay dirt as far as extras go.
Once you are in the joint look at the level of professionalism in the place. If it smells fine, has a recent coat of paint and they have a display of health care products you are probably S.O.L., (shit out of luck), in terms of extras. If, on the other hand, you are greeted by a surly papasan with a cigarette handing out of his gob and saying “Only one lady here.”, you’re near the mother lode of punts. If mamasan is talking to you with her mouth full, wearing her lunch on her blouse and you can’t understand a damn thing that’s a good sign they are after as much cash as they can get their greasy hands on.
You have now been led into the room. Take a looksat the room. If those old health care products have resurfaced and everything looks like it’s just been washed you’re probably fucked in terms of extras. If, on the other hand, the room is like a broom closet, there are several boxes of tissues and a tissue is already placed strategically on the massage table at the place your cock will wind up, there is hope.
Next, the massage lady comes in and tells you to take your clothes off. Take a look at how she is dressed. If she is wearing a white coat and has a stethoscope draped around her neck forget any moments of ecstasy from this one. The odds diminish even further if there are plaques on the wall from the University of Beijing or some such place. If, on the other hand, she walks in with a low cut top on revealing half of her breasts, wearing hot pants and calling you ‘Darling’ and ‘Swee’ you’re over halfway toward getting those precious extras.
Ok, she has left the room. Take all your clothes off and lay face down. If she comes back in and gives you a massage gown to wear or covers you with a wash cloth you’re probably only getting rubbed therapeutically. If she pats your arse, you can start reaching for your wallet.
She is now massaging you. Does she allow her legs to rub against your arms or place her legs so that your arms are in between them. If she does then touch her leg and see her response. These ladies know how to massage and stay perfectly out of touching range if they want to. If she does not move away ask her “Is it alright for me to touch your leg?’ If the answer is affirmative then extras are on the table. Also, if during the massage she brushes gasint your private parts with her hands this doe snot tend ot be an accident and is a signal that more may be on the cards.
If you are now halfway through the session and are not sure then ask her if she offers a sexy massage or other things. My nephew Edd ‘Kookie’ Byrnes used to always ask at this stage “Do you suck?”, but I always felt this was too primitive.
It is at this final point that you will discover for sure if extras are available. If they are not, forget about them and enjoy what is left of the massage. (Note: Some ladies will not offer extras on a first meeting, but if treated with respect will offer on subsequent visits.)
So, there you have. I could go into detail and write a book on this area, but you have enough to get a general idea.
Until that time folks . . .until that time.
Steven