Why did this chick go cold on me?

[Good_guy_Greg]

So I met a Korean WL about six months ago, had a few sessions with her, exchanged Kakaotalk and chatted a bit there, then she stopped responding so contact ceased there.

Fast forward to about a month ago, I noticed she wanted to add me on Wechat (we had exchanged mobile numbers too) though I wasn't sure how long that request had been waiting because sometimes it doesn't notify you. Anyway, we chat a bit, and this is how it goes (don't forget her English is not good):

Her: [shop name] stop work...
Me: Really? Everything ok?
Her: Another shop try..haha
Me: Which shop? I'll come see you :p
Her: today incall try (blush emoticon)
Me: I can come today, but where is it?
Her: [suburb]
Me: do you have address or telephone number?

[long silence]

Me: I will finish work soon, so I can come soon...

[long silence]

That's it. Never got a reply. So I figured she added me just to try to get me to visit her at the new shop, but if that was so, then why stop all of a sudden??

[CunningLinguist]

She was bored, had some time to spare, and decided to drum up some business, then she got bored again.

[Midnight_Prowl]

Korean girls r mystery, never try to solve one. This is comming from Korean guy

[max_power]

Korean girls r mystery, never try to solve one. This is comming from Korean guy

Couldn't have been said better

[harmony]

Good_guy_Greg

I am going to be honest with you. You know me by now, Im on your side

You are overreading this
Based on her being totally noncommital throughout the above interaction, it is obvious she isnt interested
The most likely possibility, is that her contact with you was probably unintentional

Im betting she either just installed the new message app, or the app found your number, and automatically added it
I have WeChat, and a few people are on there that I never intentionally added, they just can be added by the application from your phone number listings

In addition, Korean women will know that their 'go to' messaging application is Kakaotalk.
Its fair to say most Korean women only use Kakaotalk, its the Korean form of WeChat
Anything made in Korea is just better.

If you meant anything to her, she would have show more interest, eg "Hi, is that ... ?", and "How have you been", and "Do you have a gf?", and "What are you up to today?"
But just as importantly, if she was interested, she would have recommenced contact with you with her favourite chat application, Kakaotalk, which you also have, not WeChat

When a woman is being flaky in her nature, pick it up early, and dont give her any thoughts until she shows interest, as described in the last paragraph
The most common thing we guys to is confuse our interest in a woman, for her being interested in you

You can try being persistent, and occasionally it will let you meet up with them, but generally they only will meet a persistent guy when they want to see what they can get out of you. Sex will not be on that agenda. Its what they can get out of you.

Women will make it easy if they are interested in you. They will make it easy for you to ask them out, where romantic options are possible.
When they act noncomitttal, its because they are avoiding giving you encouragement

Dont jump at shadows

Peace

[illidanstormrage]

I wouldn't read too much into it. For me there was a Korean wl who was the first girl I ever slept with, so I was kind of smitten. I saw her quite a few times at the shop over some months got on well together didn't take her number or anything. She had told me where she went clubbing and had insinuated that she was going to be there that night on previous sessions. One day I noticed her as I was walking on George St, I didn't realize it was her at first I thought it just some hot korean.. of which you see plenty around event cinemas/world square.

I figured she was going to be at the club that night and Stereosonic was coming up, so I decided to go check it out. I did bump into another WL there who is her friend as well, we didn't say much as she seemed a bit embarrassed which is funny because she had told me a story about one of her classmates who knew she was a WL because he saw her at the shop. After the club had closed and everyone was leaving I went up to say hello to both of the WL's I had seen before walking home. After that I talked to her a bit on facebook but her English is limited. We did chat a bit and she said she "liked" me but couldn't betray the shop.

So I'd imagine most WL's would be the same even though that could easily be an excuse but maybe they just don't see customers outside the shop. Every guy should learn that the medium is the massage


I hate the term ‘Mixed Signals’ or ‘Mixed Messages’. More often than not there’s nothing ‘Mixed’ being communicated and rather it’s a failure (willful or not) to read what a woman is communicating to a man.

The average guy tends to ‘get’ exactly what a woman has implied with her words, but it takes practice to read her behavior and then more practice in self-control to apply it to his own interpretation. When a woman goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message – she’s got buyers remorse, you’re not her first priority, she’s deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, etc. – the message isn’t the ‘what ifs’, the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it. 10 dates before sex? This IS the message. Canceling dates? Flaking? strong interest to weak interest? This IS the message.

Women with high interest level (IL) wont confuse you. When a woman wants to fuck you she’ll find a way to fuck you. If she’s fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It’s when you patiently while away your time wondering what the magic formula is that’ll bring her around, that’s when you lean over into her frame. You need her more than she needs you and she will dictate the terms of her attentions.
-Rollo Tomassi

http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/06/the-medium-is-the-message/

^ Solid advice by Harmony, he gets it.

[Oneonone]

Working ladies are hard to follow at the best of times add Korean to that and it becomes almost impossible.

Having said that my favourite at the moment is Korean so I have to work hard to keep pace with what is happening.

[harmony]

Thanks bro illidanstormrage (http://forum.aus99.com/member.php?34800-illidanstormrage)
I do get it, and Im sure you have had the same experiences as me

Top shelf women, I mean the ones lovely enough to be successful working ladies, have literally a man try to pick her up in some way every day, in their everyday life.
Its fact. Just ask a beautiful lady if you dont believe me
The majority of men that try and pick them up dont meet that ladies standards
She has probably dated a hot guy before (usually model in appearance), so they arent going to give 2 secs thought to the smuck in the grocery store with acne or pot belly who says "Hello there"

Its all about how commital she sounds in her plans. If you do chit chat then ask her out (text or in person), you have to be able to sense when she is just being polite, and when she actually wants a romantic option with you

Anyway, the short version is, dont mistake your interest in a woman, thinking that she has that interest for you
I will keep saying this, because Im sure the majority of us men take a lifetime to learn this

Learn to show a woman your best side, then sit back and she what she wants to add to the interaction
Only give her that one chance to see your best side. One chance. If she likes you, she will make it easy for you
And by impress, I mean dress well, and act gentlemanly and that you are a fun guy, no hangups
But do not put her on a pedestal - this is the fatal mistake

Play it cool, and you will soon learn to pick up the signs of interest.
Trust me, until you learn that skill, most men become great at chasing shadows that dont exist

[harmony]

But why dont women just say "Im not interested in you in a romantic way" or "Your not my type"
Thats because you have been polite and engaging to them, and they dont want to offend you
But more importantly, most women by the time they are 21, have had to deal with the guy who dealt with rejection badly "Oh, you are a stuck up bitch" etc

Its far easier for a lady to pretend she is interested, but never actually want to meet up at a concrete time or place, unless she wants something from you (free meal, free movies, but not sex)

[harmony]

Always bet a beautiful lady has at least two other strong options already, and she is already sleeping with one of those other options in the last month
40-50% of the time she has a boyfriend, either serious, or casual

Im not being defeatist. Im just telling you that all you have to do is show her your best side
If she has seen that, and over 1 week-1 month the interaction is unbalanced, then she is not interested
You are not a priority for her. Fair enough. Move on. Dont get fixated

Women have Wechat/Kakao, mobile phone SMS, email, Facebook blah blah blah

If she wants to hook up with you, she will do that within 48 hours

When a beautiful lady meets a guy she likes at the nightclub on a Friday night, she will make sure she answers all his texts in an encouraging way. She wont be vague to him.
If you are that hot guy (lucky you), then you will know if she is interested

Dont jump at shadows

[illidanstormrage]

A wl I've seen who I think is a awesome girl, flat out said she isn't interested in a "boyfriend" not that I was applying. They are kind of like men in a sense because they are on a mission, they aren't fucking all these guys just for fun they are doing it to get paid. Most of that money is also being saved up for a degree or whatever. If you are good at what you do don't do it for free... Girls don't even necessarily have to be "good" they just have to look good and be responsive guys will take care of the rest.

The wl's you meet who you'd actually like to date or are "girlfriend" material aren't really interested because I'm sure they'd rather have you as a customer as that's where you met them to begin with. No doubt someone will see that as an oxymoron (making a wl your gf). I'm not too keen on a "girlfriend" atm either but I'd love to take some of these WL's out at least once.

The best way to judge anyone is by their actions. Especially women.

I have a story as well. My filipino mate who is a bartender and a super chilled-out guy was telling me about a Korean girl who was flirting with him while he was working and got his number. He tried to get her to meetup a couple of times at night over the next 2 days but there were some prior commitments getting in the way. On the third day after meeting her she just came over to his apartment and fucked him. No games only interest.. she had her mind made up it was just a matter of when.

[harmony]

In AUS99, we put ladies up on pedestals, and for good reason

But in your personal life, if you do that, you will come off as needy

[harmony]

"Girls don't even necessarily have to be "good" they just have to look good and be responsive guys will take care of the rest"

Yes, most things in life arent fair/easy for women (periods, menopause, male workforce inequality). But sex can be very easy for them, and thats fair enough !

[Good_guy_Greg]

lol my bad boys...

she got back to me last night, said she doesn't get a notification when a wechat message is received (maybe lie) but we're going out for dinner on Saturday :)

[goulash]

Great! I hope it goes well!

[jellyshots]

With ML's and WL's, they dictate the pace. They go hot and cold all the time... But then, so do we.

The main thing is to leave them a little bit of mystery. Drives them nuts and that's when you get 3am texts from them like, "watcha doin?"

Most blokes in their lives try to keep them on a tight leash. I don't. They can see who they like in bookings, date who they like outside, etc. More often than not, those guys get needy and who does she run back to?

I've figured out a minimum of 3 regular girls is ideal. It's even better if they are mates from the same shop.

Don't compare yourself to other guys, don't bitch about other guys to them. It makes you sound either insincere or insecure.

There's nothing that'll dry up a hottie faster than insecurity.

I saw an ML on the street once with her bf. He absolutely lost his shit when another punter recognised her. Full blown in the middle of the street tantrum ensued leaving him to storm off.

She ended up looking up, sees me in the window and comes in to have a drink and chat with me. Apologised the whole time.

I laughed it off and just said, "don't worry, I bet the make up sex will be good." She scowls at me, rolls her eyes then laughs, relaxes for a few more hours with her phone buzzing the whole time.

During that time she pushed me to reconnect with her, asking about what I've been doing.

She ended our convo with, "You're a really great guy. Why didn't we end up together more often?"

I replied, "Coz you're flaky and you want too much out of people. I prefer no complications."

Little did I know that two weeks later I would get the start of the booty call messages... They spend a lifetime listening to blokes bullshit them. If they're average, on a night out its more than 10 guys a night trying to vie for the chance to buy them a drink.

It rarely works if you aren't a really really good looking guy. Very easy to fix though. Show them you having a good time isn't reliant on them and they'll give you the right signals soon enough.

[harmony]

Great post jellyshots, and obviously based on experience

This is all gold:
"With ML's and WL's, they dictate the pace. They go hot and cold all the time"
(but I think any beautiful woman can easily act hot/cold, both nonworking and working ladies)

"Most blokes in their lives try to keep them on a tight leash. I don't."

"Show them you having a good time isn't reliant on them and they'll give you the right signals soon enough."

As you said, women will let you know when they are interested. "Watcha doin" or "How are you ?" are the most common texts they send

Obviously every now and then in my social life, I will contact a lady from my past
We would have had good times in the past, but she has become flaky (ie she has other options)
The best thing to do is not get flustered EVER, just offer to take her out, and if she makes an excuse, dont reply again
Not acting disappointed, suggests that you already have a busy social life
Acting angry or frustrated, because of rejection, is the quickest way for her to avoid you forever, she doesnt need a guy who is needy

[harmony]

Another thing, when a woman has no options for an evening, and she considers you again, she will often look up or remember your last text messages together

Therefore always stay positive with your texts and calls

The last text message from you should always be "Shame you cant meet up on .... (day), will be great to catch up soon" (so something in the same tone)

This is uplifting, and not desperate

She is much more likely to want to catch up again in the future, compared to having a last text with her saying "Im so disappointed we cant meet up, I was so looking forward to seeing you ! :(
[very needy man]

[harmony]

Jellyshots, what do think if a woman has been noncommittal in text messaging, but then wants to meet up with you for dinner?

My prediction is that you do have a chance for romantic options, but equally you are likely to meet a lady who wants a free meal, and then friendship afterwards

I remember meeting a lovely lady, slim, dazzling face, in my private life, and taking her out for dinner in North Ryde.

We walked around the large shopping centre there, and she chose the Ribs place, where the meals are $60 each

Drinks and entrees made it a $150+ bill for me

We made another date for the next few days (that was our first date), and she cancelled that date at the last minute

Just the way she cancelled without offering a new day and time made me feel she was not interested

My new rule: dont pay for an expensive dinner together, until after you have shared a bed together

Just my 2 cents

[jellyshots]

Yeah, I'm non committal over text too. It's more the wording with me. I tend to be a bit vague but also offer options. It makes them think it's all their idea.

J: "feel like hanging out tonight?"
G: "dunno, got heaps of assignments due."
J: "no worries. I feel you pain, lol. Gonna hit up the local, grab a bite and hit up zenga for some wicked tunes and lush cocktails."
G: "yeah. Have fun."
J: "I always do, you know I'm a fun guy."
Later...
G: "where are you?"
J: "down the street from your place, in the pub. You worked up an appetite yet?"
G: "hell yeah."
J: "I'm here for the next hour then I'm gonna hit the clubs."
G: "come get me?"
J: "Yeah, I'll meander over."
G: "cool, cya soon?"

Then I meander through my beer for however long it takes 15 - 20 mins. 10 mins in I'll usually get a text saying, "where are you?" To which I teply "on my way still. Don't you have to do your makeup or something..."

When I rock up, I'll usually tell her how smoking hot she looks. Also a big non creepy grin and the words, "you have this way of making me think naughty thoughts" works wonders.

Basically, make it easy to be around you. A little but if mystery, a little bit of naughtiness, some decisiveness works well but don't try to force it.

I don't worry about whether she's there for a free ride. If I sense she is, I just ask her if she has any single hot friends and then say stuff like, "I didn't think you were that into me." She'll try to steer the conversation away if she is interested.

Personally I don't care whether I get laid that night or not. I'm a long-game guy. More often than not though its a 2-3 date average for me. First date if I'm seeing one of their friends. Coz chicks talk and they love being competitive.

[harmony]

haha Jellyshots. Im on your wavelength. 2-3 dates is all. After that I cut back on the effort, no matter how beautiful the lady
Of course down the track, a quality woman will make contact if she did see value in you

I often find that the most beautiful women are the most vacuous, so I dont blow a fuse if things go nowhere
I also like your comment "Im a long-game guy". Thats gold

[harmony]

This post isnt meant to be mean or racist, just got sent it by email, so sharing with you all:

www.buzzfeed.com/alexlee/11-things-white-people-say-at-yum-cha#.foBrl6KRG

[harmony]

"Treat them mean" works for you, then well done

I go from a different approach, because a good looking woman has lots of options, and doesnt have time for men who want to be bossy or pushy
Different if you guys have already got intimate, or she is ugly

Just my 2 cents

[jellyshots]

I don't overthink anything. I find treat em mean keep em keen works mainly for housos, Russians and Turks.

I'll bear it in mind tho next time I want a date with a fat old slag from Auburn, rofl.

[jellyshots]

The main mistake blokes make with being friend zoned is that they don't let the girl know that they want to fuck them.

[Oneonone]

"Treat them mean" works for you, then well done

I go from a different approach, because a good looking woman has lots of options, and doesnt have time for men who want to be bossy or pushy
Different if you guys have already got intimate, or she is ugly

Just my 2 cents

I am with you bro!

I have had some fantastic punts by treating the lady right!

Never had a good punt when I have just wanted to get my rocks off and not look after the lady, learnt this many years ago and be kind and caring works for me.

[harmony]

haha thanks mate
Treating the lady right is the best way, always !

[jellyshots]

Quote Originally Posted by jellyshots View Post
I don't overthink anything. I find treat em mean keep em keen works mainly for housos, Russians and Turks.

I'll bear it in mind tho next time I want a date with a fat old slag from Auburn, rofl.
You don't overthink things? Then why are you using over 500 characters per dear diary entry on a forum for WL's and ML's? Why are you going out of your way to post hypothetical message exchanges between yourself and some phantom WL? Yeah I can clearly see you're not over thinking things.

Also, what's wrong with people with Russian and Turkish backgrounds?


Bahahaha. Are you really that insecure?

I said they like the treat em mean type. Personally I think many of them are hot. I noticed that you didn't mention housos - not willing to champion that group?

[dohdoe]

If you treat the girls mean it will never work.

The vibe you're trying to set is.

I'm a good decent fun guy to be with. You can join me as I know I'm good. But you need to follow me and it's on my terms.

The whole treat them mean thing is based on really immature girls that mistake confidence with being an ass. It's not like you want to be with someone that's immature.

[jellyshots]

Nah I'm pretty secure. So secure in fact, that I can honestly say I've never once posted a hypothetical back and forth message chain between myself and a woman in the vain attempt to convince people on an internet forum that I'm smooth. Can you say the same? Oh wait.....

Also, strong lol at your story about running into the ML on the street. Yeah, that happened.

Finally, no, I'm not willing to champion housos, as they are not an ethnic group, whereas Russians and Turks are. I just didn't understand why you would suddenly start bringing race into the discussion. My bad. I must have been the one who started making racial generalisations.

Lol, obviously you're not getting enough punts in. All tense and shit for no reason...

Blah blah blah.

[lenghtycock]

Korean girls r mystery, never try to solve one. This is comming from Korean guy.
well said i guess

[GoldfishMan]

Lol, very funny to see dating advice on a punting forum. Here's a piece of advice: The larger your post count is, the harder it is to believe you are actually good at pulling. Sorry to break it to ya....

[harmony]

"Guys don't let the girl know that they want to fuck them"
"Good babes like to be treated well but a bit of fun and teasing works well."
Good summary for this thread

Cheers !

[cleetusvandamme]

I love jellyshot's posts, he's the funniest guy on here!

Weird thread though, do you guys even like women?

Is that your photo in your avatar goodguygreg? That probably wouldn't help with anonymity.

[Christmas]

I love jellyshot's posts, he's the funniest guy on here!

Weird thread though, do you guys even like women?

Is that your photo in your avatar goodguygreg? That probably wouldn't help with anonymity.

FYI
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/good-guy-greg

[enigma775]

Lol, very funny to see dating advice on a punting forum. Here's a piece of advice: The larger your post count is, the harder it is to believe you are actually good at pulling. Sorry to break it to ya....

If only the opposite is true...

[cleetusvandamme]

FYI
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/good-guy-greg

Thanks Christmas!

[beta101]

the fourm need a like button so i can like the shit out of harmony and jellyshots

[dokleng]

Korean girls r mystery, never try to solve one. This is comming from Korean guy


Couldn't have been said better

Yes, it could. This:

"Girls r a mystery, never try to solve one. This is coming from a guy."

[cisco]

Korean girls r mystery, never try to solve one. This is comming from Korean guy

The best answer from this thread