Hadn’t punted for a while but woke up tired and horny so tried to find somewhere near work. I’d walked past this place a few times and couldn’t work out if it was legit or not but the website suggested extras were on offer.

Texted the number, 11am appointment booked. Boom. Arrived at the shop. It looked tired and was stuffy and hot. The receptionist took me into a room and took $70 for an hour. Then after ten minutes, she came in to say all the girls were busy and there was just her. A reminder that I had already made a booking. I could have haggled over money but already had that sinking feeling and just wanted to bust my nut. I was also put in the worst room at the front of the shop, where you could hear the sound of the road outside and other punters coming in.

She was Chinese, thin, probably late 30s, but not the cute student I had envisioned. The massage but was ok, but 15 minutes in she starts caressing my balls and all I can think is “where the fuck is the rest of my massage”.

We agree on $50 for a NHJ and she gets me hard before suddenly announcing that she’ll get some hot towels. So then I wait for 5 minutes whilst my erection droops before she brings back some lukewarm towels.

She then does about 10 seconds of body to body, before flipping me over and shaking my dick like she’s trying to get the last bit of sauce out of a ketchup bottle. At the same time she grabs my balls, whilst is uncomfortable at the best of times, and not conductive to an enjoyable ejaculation.

So I then take the reins and toss myself as quickly as possible. There is still half an hour left on the clock and she cleans me with a couple of wet wipes (no more lukewarm towels) and proceeds to give me a trrribke head massage that did little other than mess up my hair.

I got away as soon as I could, although had to wait 5 minutes in the room whilst another punter haggled in the doorway.

I’ve punted a lot in Sydney and this was easily one of the top 5 worst. Avoid this place like the plague.