Rocked up for a booking with Ada at SBM one Friday, but the male receptionist (Lisa was away) said she hadn’t turned up to work, so I booked Michelle for the first time instead.

Michelle walked into the room, no greeting, face like thunder, with theatrical sighs every few seconds. My gut instinct was to bail out immediately, but the optimist in me thought let’s see how it goes. I had a shower which I thought might give her some time to cool down, but her mood hadn’t improved when I’d finished. I tried every so often throughout the booking, very patiently, very politely, with kindness, and without being pushy, to lighten the mood, but she took every single question / comment and killed it stone dead. She had this way of making extended eye contact when killing a question / comment to make it feel like she was putting an extra bullet into its corpse to make sure it was dead.

On the plus side she has a cute face with a slim athletic body, which I love, but her bolt-ons are pumped up, out of proportion to her body and totally gravity defying. I prefer naturals, although it’s not a huge deal for me.

Her part 1 is not for whole body massage lovers because she ignores your legs. She did put some effort into the massage, but often uses her knuckles across your muscles in a way that feels a little like a cheese grater. After going over the same part of my back for the umpteenth time, it was time for part 2.

Not much to report on part 2, she placed her lips over one nipple like a wet fish with no sucking and started the HJ with some fake moans. After a minute or so, the combination of her fake moans in the context of her filthy mood was so ludicrous, it made me chuckle and she surprised me by looking up and smiling. When I gently complimented her smile, she did that extended eye contact thing and said ‘that’s what I’m paid to do’ and the smile dropped stone dead. So I did what I should have done at the beginning and bailed out early.

Of course, maybe I was just unlucky on the day, and that’s the way it is sometimes, but why take the risk on booking Michelle when you have lovely girls and total professionals like Sarah, Sky and Ella working on the same day.

I could be wrong, but I think Michelle works under the same name at Wynyard Blossom, Top Ryde and Parramatta Blossom and as Fiona at 200 Stanmore.