Reply With QuoteYup, that seems stalkerish.Originally Posted by bradpitt
I have met a good girl while I was overseas and she is wife material. Whether I am husband material, I am clearly not, however I am interested in pursuing a relationship with this lady. Because it is a long distance relationship there is also that extra level of trust that is needed. Being an information professional I like collecting publicly available data. Would collecting data like this constitute stalking or some other offence?
Date, First Whatsapp Message, Last Whatsapp Message
BTW, my assumption is that she and I will both be continuing to see other people, I'm just interested to see if I can predict it. In a previous LDR I was able to pinpoint to the girl the exact days on which she had been seeing another guy, just based on changes of first login habits. And if I can do this, just imagine what facebook already knows.
Yup, that seems stalkerish.
I understand you are interested in pursuing the relationship with her assuming that both of you will continue to see other people. So what's the aim here? You will just embarrass her or at least make her feel uncomfortable. Not a nice thing to do to a "good girl".
So it's a penpal relationship and you intend on embarrassing her by telling her that you know she's been "cheating". Sorry if I read it wrong, but sounds a bit sus.
My two cents:
- Is it stalking in a legal sense, if you only use information that is publicly available, and aren't hacking into accounts, cracking passwords etc? Probably not.
- Is it stalking in a wider, common, unjusticiable sense? Probably yes. If my partner had any IT skills and used them to secretly gather information about my activities, that would be the end of our relationship.
Aside from that, there is no such thing as a LDR....IMHO, but good luck anyway.
not so much intending to embarrass her at all, just being more understanding of the situation.
thanks for the feedback gents, as always
Hi Brad and others, I am NOT a lawyer however I have been actively involved, studied, practiced and prosecuted legal systems within Commonwealth and State jurisdictions for over 46 years. So I believe I an speak with some level of knowledge.
As per current Queensland Police advice:
“Stalking is a criminal offence and may indicate an increases risk of future domestic violence.
Stalking is when a person intentionally directs their attention towards another person. However, the other person considers the attention of the stalker harassing, unwanted and/or possibly harmful or threatening. My emphasis.
Stalking can be defined as:
If you, or someone you know, is repeatedly receiving from the respondent unwanted:
phone calls , text messages ,voice messages, notes, e.g. given by a friend of the respondent or left on the car windscreen, messages posted on computer community websites e.g. MySpace, Facebook, gifts, e.g. at home or at work, threats of violence, humiliation or abuse offensive or humiliating material, e.g. in the letterbox, or is followed either by walking or in a vehicle, there may be grounds to make a complaint of stalking.”
Brad, obviously within the current situation your lady friend is overseas, however, if these actions were to occur in her jurisdiction, they may well be applicable under the legislation of her particular country.
Ok, now onto the current situation. Ah, Fakebook, sorry Facebook, the curse of modern society (my opinion). Personally, I do not believe you are being underhanded for endeavouring to obtain PUBLICALLY available information which is readily available for all and sundry.
It is a totally different matter if you are paying for surveillance, tapping telephones, placing LD’s (listening devices) in her home, car, secreting tracking devices on her car etc. THEN there will be problems.
What you are you are endeavouring to establish is if your overseas, potential loved one, could be ‘The One”.
In essence, “peace of mind” is paramount for you, which any reasonable person would expect.
As we ALL know gents, many of us here in Australia have been scammed by females regardless of them being Asian, European, South American or whatever. Unfortunately, it is a fact of life.
Brad, and others, I believe, it is far better to be sure, safe than sorry, particularly if your ‘loved one’ is seeking continued and considerable financial support.
If the intel strongly suggests the relationship may not be 100% pure/legitimate from either her or your perspective, call it QUITS before you get burnt!
Speaking from personal experience, such situations are and can be emotionally devastating, particularly when you believe within your heart you have found your ‘soul mate’.
Regardless, one MUST be strong! Yes, it is easy to say, however my heart has been ripped out of my body and I feel your potential pain.
May Santa be kind, and 2023 WILL be sensational for everyone, stay safe.
Stay strong Brothers!
Best wishes Y888 ��������
But you also punt around and have sex with other girls in Australia? That's pretty sad and unfair for her. You should let her enjoy sex with other guys though, if you are enjoying it here. Which in this instance there is no need to stalk her.
why do you want to stalk her ?
just talks to her nicely then tell her what you want or hope to achieve and see if she wants the same.
if you continue to see others, and she does the same, then this relationship, what do you hope to get out of it ? or what type of relationship do you want ?
So if she was stalking you that would be alright by your standards?
LDR don't work, stalking can only bring negative thoughts to you, you're not going to marry this girl so why the intense interest?, can't see anything positive coming of this- what are you going to do when you see her quiz her about her liasons?
4FoW2
well I didn't consider it stalking at all. Just recording publicly available information. I posted the question in that context of questioning myself. And so far I have one piece of intel, a date and a login time form yesterday and haven't recorded further info.
there are good points about trust which is interesting because maybe that I don't trust myself leads me not to trust her. So as ghandi supposedly said, to change the world start by changing yourself. I haven't actually had a punt since early November and don't remember any details of that punt. Punts don't mean much to me at the moment.
so based on the views expressed here, I'll improve my own level of trustworthiness which will get reflected in what I feel.
Thanks again for your positive thoughts.
I'm interested in what you would do if you knew she started seeing another guy today. Then what ?
i just think all these talk is silly.
seemingly, you've found someone whom you think is wife material. you think she is good for you, but yet you do not see yourself being good for her. so this is going to be one-sided, right from the start. to what end ? you are happy for her to be seeing someone else, and you want her to accept that you will also be seeing others. so what is the actual relationship between you two ? or what type of relationship would you call it ?
in my opinion, you just want someone to call your own. you want to be able to say you have someone, someone who is wife material, good etc etc but you don't really want any strings attached. it all seems confusing to me, i mean, you might be confused with what you want. it is possible that you are a much older man, and in your younger days, you might have been cheated on, or been gravely disappointed by someone or simply had a failed relationship which you actually had high hopes of maintaining. the fear of failure again is causing you to have such feelings for this person. you want this person, but yet you don't want to give up everything for this person, just in case it fails and you would have given up things or other pleasures in vain. you want to follow her around, or seek to find information about her, maybe on a daily basis, just so you could feel a closeness to her. of course, this being long distance, you are unable to oppose to her seeing someone else, so you say you don't mind her seeing someone else, condition being you also can see others.
now, on to this word 'stalking' This is one word that i dislike very much. it has all sorts of negative connotations, yet the person doing it might not have any ill intentions. when you are younger and you found out that a member of the opposite sex is stalking you, you might even be flattered. if for example you found out Jennifer Lawrence is stalking you, would you be offended ? would you report her to the police ?
when the police follow you around or tail you, on a daily basis, asking people around you for info about you, monitoring your every movement, is that considered stalking you ? how is it that it is okay for them to do it, but not you ? all this sounds like a load of bull, if you asked me.
but anyways ......
she is a free agent and can do whatever she pleases.
In all honesty mate, i think you answered your own question as above. Whether it is stalking in a legal sense or not is not the issue, the issue is with using the information you have publicly obtained to cast aspersions. If i was the girl and you laid that trip on me, i would consider you a stalker of the highest order. If you are thinking of building a relationship and this is already your current trust level, you're on a hiding to nothing before you even get started.
The real question is, do you want to know the answer to your question so as you don't run foul of the law, or so you can justify your morality to yourself?
My personal opinion would be to just go with the flow and see what happens without trying to be Sherlock Holmes. I've heard the old "good girl", wife material", "this one is different" blah blah blah story a hundred times before and only 2 or 3 of those have ever stood the test of time so expect nothing and if you strike gold, good for you (and her).
Just out of curiosity, are we talking Asia? Possibly Thai, Viet, Fils? Is she a few years younger than you? Does she have a respectable job that pays $20 a day so it's really hard to make ends meet? If we saw you and her together would we'd be high fiving you because you would be punching above your weight? If any of this is a yes, then call me cynical, but she won't be your girlfriend, you will just have a position in the queue so you can have your turn when you make the next trip to see her.
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