What is your Greatest Alibi to your Wife/Partner when you got caught Punting?

[bung72]

Where are my sneaky soldiers at? stay safe guys!

Preparing for a mission next week hopefully..... of course my WG is probably not on on my day off, so I'm planning a lunchtime stealth mission.... if I don't make it back, go on without me lads!

[Fungus the Bogeyman]

Don't ever let your selves caught! and if by any chance you will be, Don't confess! I repeat, Don't confess. make up excuses even how silly. because the moment you admit it, every time you get into an argument, she will always bring that one up hahahaha trust me bro!

Exactly.
Even if your partner catches you in the act, you go up to her, slap her on the arse and say “You’re next”

No matter what evidence there is, deny, deny, deny. It wasnt me. I was at work, i was at the gym, i was buying you a birthday/christmas/anniversary present, I was visiting a terminally ill friend, i was being gang raped by a pack of labradors, whatever.

Or argue like a woman, “You dont trust me? How could you after all ive done for you”

Deflect, turn it on them, flatter them, whatever trick you have to use to guilt trip them.

But ultimately. Dont get caught. Be smart when you punt. Always have a reason you are where you are.
Dont make rookie mistakes like smelling way fresher than you should. The wrong soap etc.
Have a secret stash of money. Ive literally got a mate who sent flowers to his paramour on his mrs’s joint bank account.

Luck sometimes will fuck you up the arse. Like coming out of a massage parlour and your wifes best friend happens to walk past etc. Be prepared. I had to use the toilet. I shit my pants and paid them $20 to use the shower etc

[bung72]

But ultimately. Dont get caught. Be smart when you punt. Always have a reason you are where you are.
Dont make rookie mistakes like smelling way fresher than you should. The wrong soap etc.
Have a secret stash of money. Ive literally got a mate who sent flowers to his paramour on his mrs’s joint bank account.

Yes - I've been teased for years over having minimum 2 showers a day, so I'm always fresh.... I take a cake of soap from home to the shop too. Secret stash - check.... Secret account - check. Using the joint account.... fuck me... .I bet that was hard to explain!

Luck sometimes will fuck you up the arse. Like coming out of a massage parlour and your wifes best friend happens to walk past etc. Be prepared. I had to use the toilet. I shit my pants and paid them $20 to use the shower etc

I'm usually packing death to a certain degree that one of my wifes friends will be working in the fucking shop, a WG or receptionist.... I usually pray for pissing rain when I punt - an umbrella makes great cover!

I detailed my red lips above - this week - lots of DFK and DATY with my favourite 20 year old - my lips were chafed as anything afterwards.... and it was noted.... :O

[Axeman123]

If a wife asks out of the blue n you've been doing for a while she knows already. Just hasn't been able to pin you yet.

[crazykyle1984]

Preparing for a mission next week hopefully..... of course my WG is probably not on on my day off, so I'm planning a lunchtime stealth mission.... if I don't make it back, go on without me lads!

We'll be waiting Captain! we believe in you!

[crazykyle1984]

When wife or partner randomly asked you if you had been behaving badly, Look at them straight without flinching an eye! SELL THE DRAMA!

[bung72]

We'll be waiting Captain! we believe in you!

Phoned them late last night - yep, she's now off until Thurs/Fri - 'what time does she start?' - 'we don't know yet.... just call back later in the week...' - they must think we're all unemployed bozos sometimes.... I have schedules that will need massaging for this... which can be hard at the last minute. Strewth!

[DayMan69]

Find a regular at a time that works for you and then establish a routine for that time and day weekly (fortnightly) and stick to it. This becomes established in your missus' head and elicits no ongoing suspicion. Turn off google timeline, stick phone on vibrate. Have a general habit of not answering the ph to missus every so often. 'I was driving/being served/talking etc.'

Have routines that take you away from house on regular basis. Have an excuse ready for the inevitable 'oh such n such saw you in Chatswood' query so you can just roll it off the tongue without hesitation or surprise.

Be James fucking Bond basically.

[bistro]

I dont have one (yet, but hopefully never)...
But the only time i have to punt is after coming back from office... or from work party...
Usually, i already have money spared aside for the deed, and i always go to brothel with less fragrant soap, smell myself and check myself before entering home to ensure i left no trace....

Undies are men greatest weakness and how wife/partner trace us down... our undies meant to be smelly after long day of work, if there are smell of fragrant soaps or traces of sperm or lubricant (from condom)... this is how we got caught....

Face and Hair also, once i went to punt with my friend. When we about to go back home to our wives, i caught lipstick on his neck and some pubic hair, lucky i was around otherwise he would get into trouble... couple years after he got divorced, never mentioned to me why, but knowing how careless he is, im confident that was the reason...

[priapus1966]

Don't make up stories. Telling lies is dumb, it just takes one little inconsistency and things start to unravel. Best to just make punting something which fits into the normal routine of work/play, whatever. There are a number of useful points here about cell phones, I would add one more: just ignore the occasional call from your wife/partner; train her to expect that you are a bit unreliable but never explain why. Message her to say you might be late but nothing more. Precision and too much information is not a good idea, and never ever arrive home with a guilt present, flowers or chocolates - you will have to explain why?

[crazykyle1984]

Don't make up stories. Telling lies is dumb, it just takes one little inconsistency and things start to unravel. Best to just make punting something which fits into the normal routine of work/play, whatever. There are a number of useful points here about cell phones, I would add one more: just ignore the occasional call from your wife/partner; train her to expect that you are a bit unreliable but never explain why. Message her to say you might be late but nothing more. Precision and too much information is not a good idea, and never ever arrive home with a guilt present, flowers or chocolates - you will have to explain why?

Be the man! just like that!

[bung72]

Don't make up stories. Telling lies is dumb, it just takes one little inconsistency and things start to unravel. Best to just make punting something which fits into the normal routine of work/play, whatever. There are a number of useful points here about cell phones, I would add one more: just ignore the occasional call from your wife/partner; train her to expect that you are a bit unreliable but never explain why. Message her to say you might be late but nothing more. Precision and too much information is not a good idea, and never ever arrive home with a guilt present, flowers or chocolates - you will have to explain why?

Cell phones are probably the biggest bane of our life with punting, and also a saviour in that the death of the landline means nobody can check to see if you are home!
I've booked a regular for this week, a bit out of my routine - may involve a little story, but one highly consistent with my rather unpredictable at times occupation... wish me luck!

[danaussieguy]

How Not To Get Caught Cheating?

Use a different phone

Control the cheater's guilt

Remove all traces of your sexcapades

Hide all the physical evidence.

Don't tell ANYONE about your unfaithfulness

Don't hook up with anyone in your proximity

[JJBlows]

"Had someone else do your job!!"

If you have a death wish

[GoldfishMan]

Don't make up stories. Telling lies is dumb, it just takes one little inconsistency and things start to unravel. Best to just make punting something which fits into the normal routine of work/play, whatever. There are a number of useful points here about cell phones, I would add one more: just ignore the occasional call from your wife/partner; train her to expect that you are a bit unreliable but never explain why. Message her to say you might be late but nothing more. Precision and too much information is not a good idea, and never ever arrive home with a guilt present, flowers or chocolates - you will have to explain why?

Yes, this is top advise right here. Try not to be too predictable in picking up calls and going home from work. Miss a few calls. Don't hang up, just let it ring out. Work late a few nights here and there. This lays the groundwork for when you do punt.

[bung72]

This is my problem - for years (prior to punting) I have become Mr Fucking Predictable..... I'm working on gradually morphing out though....

[Rogeryou]

Bunnings!
Have numerous projects always going sourcing materials, viewing and chasing down materials and products. Take her with you, after one weekend she will never want to go again.

[Mrbubbles]

I go when I'm "working from home" and the misses is at work. I do go most whilst travelling.

[bung72]

Yes - but if head off to Bunnings and just browse for an hour, she'll find that more suss than if I came home with lipstick on my neck! 'What did you buy?'.....

[GoldfishMan]

Yes - but if head off to Bunnings and just browse for an hour, she'll find that more suss than if I came home with lipstick on my neck! 'What did you buy?'.....

You can buy 100 screwdrivers when they're on special, stash them somewhere, then just grab one or 2 each time you go to "Bunnings". Maybe grumble about how flimsy these China made tools are, to add some pizzazz.