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Thread: Trapped and helpless

  1. #1
    Baby Member(留言版初哥)
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    Trapped and helpless

    Hey brothers not sure why Iím writing this, but I think I need an outlet. Long time punter due to being in a sexless relationship. Love my kids but the wife is cold at times and doesnít provide me with what I need. Itís been years of broken promises that things will change, feeling like our relationship is de prioritised, and countless hours of counselling that just leads to the same issues again.

    So Iím stuck in a marriage that I want to keep for the kids, but I punt to keep it purely transactional and donít want any strings with relationships. From a physical perspective it helps a lot and keeps me sane and the marriage in tact for now.

    I do feel like this is a temporary fix until the kids are grown up and I can leave the marriage. This feels like such a horrible way to live life. Thanks for reading.

  2. #2
    Junior Member(有D料到)
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    How old are your kids? Guessing something like 9 since you're a long time punters and are still waiting for them to grow up.

    Well my sob story is I started punting since I come to realise I will never find someone and the perpetual loneliness is killing me. So bad as your situation Well is, as they say better to have loved than to never love at all right?

  3. #3
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    Sexless relationship.

    I just finished a three month stint with a ML and it was the same. No sex. Some people withhold sex as a power play, others are just not sexually driven. They may even mask their sexuality.

    In your case years of broken promises and counselling. Tell me how can a third party tell you anything except extract your money?

    You are your own boss and you choose what you need. If itís punting then so be it. Just be financially prepared to dump the wife and donít have her grabbing any extra on the way out. We all know what women want, their guys money.

    You have to look after your future not hers.

    Of course the kids take priority but as soon as theyíre old enough terminate the relationship with ďthe missusĒ and move on. Donít get stitched up again and just play the field.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Endo123 View Post
    Well my sob story is I started punting since I come to realise I will never find someone and the perpetual loneliness is killing me. So bad as your situation Well is, as they say better to have loved than to never love at all right?
    You have to find some activities that interest you and take your mind off things. The right woman will turn upÖsheís being made in a factory in China and for $9000A she looks very real.

  5. #5
    Senior Member(無間使者)
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    You need to hit the gym.

    Trust me, was in the same boat.
    After a few months of gains you will feel and look amazing and next thing you know opportunities just present themselves whether that be with the wife or punting or both and even more

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Sampler View Post
    You need to hit the gym.

    Trust me, was in the same boat.
    After a few months of gains you will feel and look amazing and next thing you know opportunities just present themselves whether that be with the wife or punting or both and even more

    The gym is a great idea for him.

    Plenty of hotties.

  7. #7
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    i feel for you mate. you need to get some hobbies to distract yourself from this terrible sick joke called life.

  8. #8
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    its threads like this that makes me not want to get married and have kids, but at the same time you dont want to be lonely in life and take a chance in getting it right or watch it all go wrong.

    what a conundrum.

    OP, is there anything that you could do better in your relationship?? sometimes women clam up when they themselves may be unhappy in a relationship, you cant take it each other for granted

  9. #9
    Baby Member(留言版初哥)
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    If itís any consolation i am in the same boat as youÖ the wife is invested in the kids and not usÖ question for the wives out there who treat the relationship like thisÖ what happens after the kids fly the roost?? The relationship is in effect dead Ö I am waiting for my wife to initiate some intimacy after the kids have left the house for me to sayÖ I have a headache ..hahaha

  10. #10
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    Hey bro'

    This will be one of life's toughest decisions.

    Believe me separation when you have a family can be traumatic both financially and emotionally.

    Have you tried couples counselling. Even if your wife refuses or it doesn't work. It shows that you at least tried. This fairness may pay dividends down the track. Sex IS important if one of you is missing it, even if the other aspects of the relationship are kind of okay

    Buy her a copy of Passionate Marriage.

    Suggest an open relationship if that could work for you. She might accept of she is aware of how sex is important to you.

    Most people say split sooner rather than later as better chance of successful repartnering. Got to weigh up the other aspects of the relationship that are good


    It is good to plan for separation whilst giving her the last chance. . Sounds mercenary but many people do it Estimate your financial position. Get legal advice. Financial advice. Are your finances in order? Imminent inheritance? How might her her family react? How do you envision the separated life 50/50 or every second weekend with kids. Will you have to sell the house? If renting this can actually be a godsend as no court case around the house. Will you be able to afford to live where you are now or even near the kids.

    The trouble is the whole financial and housing system is built around double income couples not singles. It can pay dividends financially staying together until the kids grow up, or maybe it is in your interest to cut your losses early

    A big decision so many factors. Just make your decision

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Endo123 View Post
    Well my sob story is I started punting since I come to realise I will never find someone and the perpetual loneliness is killing me. So bad as your situation Well is, as they say better to have loved than to never love at all right?
    You don't say how old you are, where you are in life. Are you in school? Work? You never know when someone of interest might appear. NO disrespect, but is it a cultural thing, it has to be someone of your heritage? Do you have unrealistic expectations? Do you come across as a sadsack, bemoaning your lot in life? The way you are, would you want to be around you, get to know you? (ALL of these are rhetorical questions, no need to answer, just think about). What do you like to do? What hobbies do you have? Go do what you like to do, enjoy life. You just might meet someone who likes doing the same thing. Or hates those, but you'll still have fun finding what you do have in common. Not everyone is an extrovert, nothing wrong with being an introvert. Still, as you go through life, don't look down (head up mon - Jamaican accent), look around (and not leering ), be a nice person. Be someone that someone would like to get to know, not a braggart, not an egotist, you don't need to monopolize conversations, just participate. Try some new things, fail. That makes you human. Don't sit alone in your room, go do what you enjoy doing (within the law ), and find new things you'll also enjoy doing.

    Bottom line, you're alive, you DON'T know what the future holds... (but in case you do, please DM me, and only me, the next winning lottery numbers when it's at least 500 million... no use wasting any precognition skills)... but in all honesty, you don't know what the future holds, and that IS PERSONAL LIFE experience.

  12. #12
    Baby Member(留言版初哥)
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    Thanks for the input friends.

    Gym - yes and it feels great.
    Hobbies - Yeap, helping me keep my mind occupied
    Kids - we both would do everything in the world to avoid any emotional harm with whatís going on.
    Couples counselling - Yeap, for more than a year. It was good at first but then slowly deteriorates back to the unhappy place.

    I can emphatise and feel for anyone going through this. Itís a hard one because I want to keep the peace.

    Itís one thing to invest all our time in the kids which we do. We recognise that our relationship suffers and both realise we need to work on it but nothing changes. It especially hurts when I do see her give more attention to her friends more than our relationship but I think itís time I realise sheís just not into our relationship anymore. Itís a hard one because she should be happy and maintain her friendships and I want that for her. But itís especially hard when we have spoken about both our needs and I feel like mine arenít heard.

    I feel like Iím a bad person for wanting sex and intimacy in our relationship. She wants emotional connection which is great, and we have that. But that connection dissolves and I hide away. Kinda feel like a pathetic man and husband when I dont have the connection I need.

  13. #13
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    Last point it is not only the wives that do this. The blokes can lose attraction for their wives which makes the sex shit. Couples counselling and sex therapy is useful

  14. #14
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    Last point it is not only the wives that do this. The blokes can lose attraction for their wives which makes the sex shit. Couples counselling and sex therapy is useful

  15. #15
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    We have tried in the past but donít bother any more Ö I can see wife does not care

  16. #16
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    Been there...done that

    While still in the relationship concentrate on your kids and nothing else, always remember fighting for access to your kids in court is upwards of $20K, so punt when you feel the urge and stay in the relationship as long as possible. Start preparing for the end now ask friends who've been through this some advise, start putting money aside into your own bank account, build yourself a fighting fund for when the end comes. Find yourself a good DIVORCE lawyer. I can't emphasise this enough...not just any lawyer but one who does nothing else but divorce, a good one can cost $600 per hour but it'll be worth it in the end. Set a goal as to what you want from the split up of assets, don't be greedy or spiteful ask only for what you want and leave enough for her to continue her life. ALWAYS play hardball and get into the court as quickly as you can, letters going back and forth from lawyers cost a shitload of money and lead nowhere. Remember only a court can force an outcome not lawyers.
    My level of sarcasm depends on your level of stupidity.

  17. #17
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    Whatever the cost itís worth it. You get your freedom, your own place and you do whatever you want.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spanky69 View Post
    Whatever to cost itís worth it. You get your freedom, your own place and you do whatever you want.
    It depends. Could end up in a share house just off the M4 in St Mary's without enough surplus cash to own and run a car.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim_cs View Post
    Hey brothers not sure why Iím writing this, but I think I need an outlet. Long time punter due to being in a sexless relationship. Love my kids but the wife is cold at times and doesnít provide me with what I need. Itís been years of broken promises that things will change, feeling like our relationship is de prioritised, and countless hours of counselling that just leads to the same issues again.

    So Iím stuck in a marriage that I want to keep for the kids, but I punt to keep it purely transactional and donít want any strings with relationships. From a physical perspective it helps a lot and keeps me sane and the marriage in tact for now.

    I do feel like this is a temporary fix until the kids are grown up and I can leave the marriage. This feels like such a horrible way to live life. Thanks for reading.
    Exactly same for me. About 17 yrs without intimacy. That's not taking into account the declining years. It's not that they don't want intimacy or sex any more..... they just don't want it with their husbands. To cut a long story I stuck it out for my boys now young men and am so glad I did . I believe a man belongs with his family. If so many of these hookers can sell their bodies for family I can stay with mine. Do it if you can.

  20. #20
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    Not your fault. Always remember that.

    Punt discreetly, you'll be happier. Nothing worse than depression mate. Good luck.

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