Hi Gang,

“You’re not my type.”

Greetings from the President of the United States.”
“I’ll be right back.”
“I don’t know if you can get it up.”
“Get another girl I am tired!”
You couldn’t even get it up last time!

The function of the above quotes will be clear soon.

I’m feeling good today but these last few weeks have been rough. I’ve had one crook punt after another.

Look, we all go through bad times, but I seem to specialize in them.

Take Bonnie Yakamoto for example. I had this thing about her in high school. She was pretty and petite and cute and shy and gentle. So, I asked her out and she went out with me to the movies twice. After the second time the following conversation ensued:

Steven: How about we go to Kezar and see the 49ers play the Rams.
Bonnie: I don’t think we should see each other again.
Steven: Why?
Bonnie: You’re not my type.
Steven: What do you mean?
Bonnie: Do you really want to know?
Steve: Of course.
Bonnie: My type isn’t stupid.
Steven: Well you got me there Bonnie. Have a nice day and nice life.

Another example of things going belly up was when I got a letter that began with Greetings from the President of the United States. My Uncle Woody was there when the letter arrived and the following conversation ensued:

Steven: Wow a letter from the President!
Woody: Did you just come down in the last shower Stevie?
Steven: What do you mean?
Woody: I got one of them in 1941. You’re in the Army and fucked.
Steven: You’re kidding.
Woody: Look at my face. Is it a happy face?

And so I was in the US Army and if I was going to write recruitment posters for them they would say:

Join the Army. See the world. Meet interesting people and murder them!

This brings us to dud punts. The first of this saga began at Red Sunset. I was in the middle of a one hour punt with Sasa and decided I wanted a double with Julia. “I’ll see if she is available and I’ll be right back.” Well, Sasa’s definition of right back was 20 minutes! I walked over and to the door a few times and looked down the filthy hallway and no one was to be seen. Getting fed up I put on my strides and the rest of my paraphernalia and as I was walking out the door she shows up and pertly announces “Julia is available’.

I went to the counter and the following conversation occurred with papasan Sam.

Steven: Sasa walked out on me midsession.
Sam: What do you want me to do.
Steven: Listen to me swear for 5 minutes and
Sam: And what?
Steven: Only pay her for 30 minutes and
Sam Yes. And?
Steven: Keep her out of my fucking sight for the rest of my life if I ever return here!
Sam Done and done.

Next was Tina at 501 King Street Newtown. She is a very cute, early 20’s Chinese girl with a-cup breasts and a cup English. I booked her for an hour. At the start of the session she began with a massage that not only would I not right home about, but would not store any of it in the memory banks in my brain. After what seemed like 30 seconds the following conversation ensued:

Tina: Do you take a long time with the handjob?
Steven: Not really.
Tina: Are you sure. You look like you would.
Steven: If anyone would know it would be me.
Tina: I guess.

Anyway, a few moments later she began the handjob. It didn’t take more than 5 minutes and she went out to get some hot towels to rub me clean with. She returned in about 15 minutes and spent 5 minutes rubbing me all over with them and the packing her stuff up. I dressed and went out to talk with mamasan Miko while I waited for my nephew Farquar to finish with his massage. It seemed to take forever and only after I left did it occur to me that I only got 25 minutes instead of an hour. With Farquar eyeing at me I called Miko and she said Tina told her I suddenly got up and dressed. Anyway, Miko said she’d make things good for me next time I was there.

Here we go again. I was at 269 Canterbury road with Alice and decided near halfway point to do a double with anal queen. Monica. Alice ran out to see if she was available and returned in a couple of minutes t say Monica would join us in 10 minutes.

20 minutes later and still no Monica. 25 minutes later Monica arrives with a real furious look on her face and the following conversation ensued:

Monica: (Looking really pissed off) I am tired and you’ll have to get someone else.
Seagal: What’s wrong?
Monica: You heard me. Get someone else! Are you deaf?
Seagal: I don’t like the way you’re talking to me. I am not your ex husband.
Monica: (She storms off.)

I dress and go downstairs and tell mamasan Jenny (La Zorrita Gorda) I don’t have to put up with that shit from Monica. I tell her I am a customer here and not some dickhead to be jerked off by Monica. Jenny tells me Monica is pissed off with her last customer who she didn’t like and who kept extending. I told Jenny that’s not my fault and she can go back into the kitchen and tell Monica I am not taking her crap anymore. Jenny said she’d take care of me the next time I came in.

Finally, there was Candy at 12 Bellevue today. God only knows why I took her. I know why. She is Thai with a very sexy face and lips, has a good blond dye job on her hair and bolt on tits that are a pretty good job.

Anyway, Candy does a pretty good suck, put on the dom and got into cowgirl then mish. Little Steven got small so she took off the dom and sucked again and I came. 15 minutes of the hour session were used and being a one shot wonder there was little to do except get a half arsed massage and talk to Candy.

Folks, to say that is a jaded worked is like saying Julia Gillard has slight problems with the truth or Mitt Romney likes big business. As we talked she told me what a turd her ex was, how a Chinese client she saw was shithouse and how she needs $14,000 to get her teeth fixed. And I am paying to hear this? Uncle Woody was right. I did come down in the last shower.

She closed the session with the following exchange:

Candy: You came so quick I think last time you couldn’t even get it up.
Steven: You mixed me up with someone else.
Candy: No I didn’t Steven.
Steven: You remember my name.
Candy; Yeah, you’re the guy who couldn’t get it up.


The past was rough, but the prospect of happiness in punting remains as a future hope. All is not lost. There is always a potential diamond of a punt just around the corner.

Until next time when I give you reviews of Alice and 269 Canterbury and Fifi and Linda at Red Sunset.