Honey, Tunks and Greenleaf.

[Steven Seagal]

Person's Name: Honey
Private Girl : (More later.)
Date of Visit: December, 2015-12-25
Contact Details: http://sydney.cracker.com.au/FemaleE...-late/11491111
Hours of Business: varies
Rates: I paid $300/60 for everything.
Age: mid 40s
Size/shape: Weight for height. Normally shaved pussy, but stubble on it when I was there.
Nationality or Ethnicity: Aussie
Services Provided: Full Service, Dfk, bbj with cim and swallow. Covered sex and anal.

Howdy ladies and gents,

This is a review of Honey.

You know, I will never learn. All my life I have had great intuition and have continually ignored my inner voice.

Take for example the advice of Paulie Tunks. Paulie always gave me a bum steer, but I kept on listening to him in spite of my inner voice saying “No Steven, this is all bad”.

Anyway, Paulie used to date Cleophas Cloey. Cleophas had a lovely face, slightly buck teeth, and an ‘alternative’ personality. This was the time of the hippie chicks and I figured this was where Cleophas was coming from.

At any rate, Paulie told me he was tired of her and would I be interested in seeing her. Me, never to reject the offer of a woman, agreed and as fast as you could say Jack Robinson I was in like Flynn. Paulie told me that he put in a good word for me and a date was made.

We were going to be going to the movies, but Cleophas said her parents were away for the weekend and we could watch TV and eat some takeaway pizza.

To make a long story short, a few moments after I arrived we were in bed performing various sex acts with each other that are so dirty I am ashamed to think of them myself. After the filth had subsided and we lay in each other’s arms the following interaction ensued:

Cleophas: When should I tell my parents?
Steven: About what?
Cleophas: About our getting married.
Steven: What???!!!!
Cleophas: You are going to marry me aren’t you?
Steven: I just remembered I have to go now.
Cleophas: Where are you going?
Steven: To help my Dad.
Cleophas: What’s wrong?
Steven: He’s got a prostate gland like a hot potato.
Cleophas: So?
Steven: I need to see him and help him cool it off.

Damn that Paulie Tunks! He got caught in her wacky web and used me as his life preserver.

How did I get out of this mess? I went to my local draft board, had them rate me 1A and got my arse drafted into the Army. I never regretted going to Vietnam when I remembered what a space cadet Cleophas Cloey was.

In punting I’ve had the same thing go on.

My old mate Riley Greenleaf showed me an adult ad by Fatima Hadjib, where she advertised, she was a sexy Arab woman, in Croydon, who would basically do everything under the sun for $150/60. The little voice in me said “Forget it Steven. You’ll get fucked in more ways than one”.

Once again, I ignored the voice and when I arrived at her flat, got buzzed in, I discovered she was a sbbw. She was huge, with tits so loose she could play soccer with them. Anyway, in for a penny, in for a pound as they say.

Once the money exchanged hands the following conversation ensued:

Fatima: If you want to see me again it will have to be in my new place.
Steve: New place?
Fatima: Yeah, I am getting kicked out of here.
Steven: Why?
Fatima; I scream hysterically all night and the neighbours hate it.
Steven; Why yell and holler all night?
Fatima: Why not?

Well, I quickly dipped my wick in her and was out the door. Like a rabbit chased by a hound-dog, I never looked back. (By the way, she was so out of condition that she experienced a shortness of breath while I fucked her in mish and this was with her being like a starfish!)

This brings us to my current punt.

This punt was in Dulwich Hill and features a place that has 4 women and a tranny working out of the same joint. They adverstise on both Backpage and Cracker.

To get there, I had to walk down a narrow laneway. At the end of the laneway was a guy spray painting a car. I thought you needed special premises to do the job right and needed to ‘cook’ the paint afterwards, but here was a dude in overalls painting this car like he was spraying a fence. He had more paint on himself than he had on the car!

The little voice said “Turn around and leave Seagal”. As usual, I ignored the voice and moved on.

I walked up a flight of stairs to enter a joint that literally looked like a hand grenade had been thrown into it. There was shit around everywhere and the place looked like it had never been cleaned.

I was greeted by the not unattractive Honey, who I must admit was nice throughout the session.

If you read the ad Honey advertises as being 29. If this is true it is in dog years. She looks 40’s to me.

She is a size 10, normally shaved pussy, but this time had stubble. She is size 10, B cups, two tattoos, one on right hip and one across the lower back. She had Terry-Thomas gap in between her two front teeth.

First, the good news, she was very affectionate and a good kisser. She had a reasonably tight pussy and arse. As advertised, I came in her mouth and she swallowed.

Now for the bad news, this place makes Billy’s in Marrickville look like the Carlton-Ritz in comparison. If you know Billy’s then you know that joint is a real hole, e.g. if you enter from the back lane, the place smells like a thousand homeless bums have urinated n the stairwell!

I commented to Honey about the décor and even she thought it sucked. “If you come back I’ll tell you all about it”, she said. (And I am thinking, “If I come back I won’t be able to understand what she says because I will have lost the last connection between my last two remaining neurons!”)

Another bit of bad news is she is a smoker and I did not find her attractive. The smoking part wasn’t so bad as the fragrance was covered over by the smell of the place. It smelled like 20 guys had each smoked a carton of Old Woodbine 10 minutes before my arrival.

Finally she has a ‘life’ and issues. Look, I have issues. My paranoia is so big you can sell advertising space on it and franchise the rest out to Europe.

Honey has real issues that she told me about in detail. I heard much more than I wanted to and some of it made my hair stand up. That put a damper on the proceedings.

Was it a good punt? Well, as Riley Greenleaf was famous for saying, “The only thing better than a bad punt is a good one!”

Will I go back? Nope.

Will I join the army to get away from Honey? Na.

Well, I’ve got to go now.

I’ll be back soon with another review.

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year.

Catch you again friends.

Until that time mates . . .until that time.

Steven

[wilisno]

You're fearless Steven !

[snot77]

ha ha ha brilliant ! i love your prose SS.
thanks for the write up.

Person's Name: Honey
<.....>
Was it a good punt? Well, as Riley Greenleaf was famous for saying, “The only thing better than a bad punt is a good one!”

Will I go back? Nope.

Will I join the army to get away from Honey? Na.

Well, I’ve got to go now.

I’ll be back soon with another review.

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year.

Catch you again friends.

Until that time mates . . .until that time.

Steven

[kamo]

Thanks SS for braving the places that other punters would fear to tread so we can confirm that, yes, these are places that we would never punt in in a million years!!

I have to ask though, surely you have a shortlist of 2-3 places you go to regularly? Are all these pissant joints worth it??

[mandingo69]

Always a pleasure reading your extreme punting accounts. Maybe foxtel should turn your adventures into a reality tv show 😁