how to be a better man

[Chinaman]

hello everybody. i have another question.

i want to improve and be better person. i am also not very good with girl and still trying to learn many thing in life.

i dont have good job, good money or many close friend. i was very happy when i first come australia but now feeling a little bit lost and dont have good direction. so maybe not surpirsing girls finding me unattractive. i also say wierd things and sometimes maybe too open.

i have two question. first one specific and second one general.

when talking to girl how do i balance be too open but wierd and not open enough but normal? sorry my english no good so maybe i dont explain well. i am comfortable talking about everything including my problems but smoetimes people find me wierd when i do. i am not perfect but want to improve relationship at same time i try fix my life. how can i be able to talk about this if people will find me unattractive

how can i be better man?

thanks for your time.

[Pussyhands]

Try day gaming to get to know urself more lols don't believe the hit rate they say - use it as learning about urself and social stuff

There is no right or wrong - it's about really understander the person u are and perhaps the person u want to be.... call it self discovery

Or,

You can join groups - there is an app called 'meet up' where u can choose an interest and meet ppl etc

I did day gaming, meet ups, cooking classes, yoga classes, the gym, etc etc to figure all this stuff out.

I think if u were born in Aus I'll prob attend parties and social gathers to learn this stuff - I did do some of this in high school but mainly played computer games instead =D so did a lot of catching up haha

[puntercouple]

Human social interaction is a very complicated subject and there is no one sure way to do it. What works in a bar setting may not work in, say, work environment. I can see that you are not a very confident person, and that's probably the thing to work on.

You come to a punting forum asking for advice. Perhaps the best advice you can get from this place is that a job does not define a person, and money does not define a person's worth. WLs are not just "whores you fuck", they are also people with ambitions and dreams. At the same time, even though they have a lot of money, they treat you as equals. My suggestion is to worry less about social status and such and start thinking about the life that you won't regret having.

[hypebeast131415]

Puntercouple mentioned a good suggestion 'Worry less about social status'

I have asian background as well, so I understand how it feels when asian pple comparing to each other with their jobs, salaries, uni results and many things. But we're in western society here, not many pple really cares how much u earn, as long as you're enjoying ur life and living ur life in ur way.

I had problem chatting with girls before as well. But i think i was in the wrong group so i couldnt connect with any of them well. Now i have my own group of friends and since we all have similar background, interests, i had no issues being around with them.

Pussyhand's suggestion on meeting up with different group of pple, attend parties, go out and social, will definitely help.

Be comfortable and confident with urself first. I think if u appear to be uncomfortable and not confident around pple, some will find u weird. I think you just need more experiences. Just like doing any activity, the more experiences and more talented ones will be good at it first, some of us will need more time to figure it out.

I guess when u go RnT, make sure u spend the time there well (not just for fun, but also chat with the girls), its a good opportunities to chat with girls, and see what they have to help.

[James_jones]

The way you talk about being open/sharing problems comes across that you believe it to be a positive trait.

i also say wierd things and sometimes maybe too open.

Then stop saying weird shit and being so open. You don't need to be and the tone of your post comes across as a victim. If you are behaving like this around people they will think you are weak and not worth bothering with.

i am comfortable talking about everything including my problems

Why are you talking about your problems to *people*? Why do they want to hear? This may sound harsh but they don't care and a healthy relation is not built on discussing your problems with them. This is especially true of women. On top of this do not try fix womens problems, if they want to talk that is fine but that is what they want, not fixing unless they specifically ask and even then approach with caution.

Think of it this way, if you can't fix your own problems and need their help why would they want to be friends with you? How will you provide value to them if you can't even get your own shit in order. If the only thing you bring to a conversation is your problems then why would people want to talk to you?

The modern western idea of being open / sharing feelings with people is a fallacy. It is a terrible idea to be open about problems, especially with women, primarily because it lowers their perceived value of you. It may be acceptable for close male friends but you will only have a small number of these and they are not women. You do not need to share your feelings with women, in fact they will respond better if you do not.

Read more about frame. This guy is also brilliant, most of his videos are insightful without being too hard assed about things.

[Christmas]

I feel like chinaman is having fun. weirdo..
don't talk about your 5cm balls and pre mature ejaculation in front of girls unless it's me.ㅋㅋ
girls would think you are freak but I don't mind because I'm freak too

you wanna hang sometimes? message me yahhh yahhhhhhh

*maybe I can bring vitamin and let him give you a lesson

[harrycd]

Chinaman, I'll buy you a beer when I'm back in Sydney. Or go hang out with Xmas, just remeber to bribe her with desserts.

You are kind of too open with stuff, I would stop talking to your flatmate about punting and your penis/balls.

I would recommend you take up lifting. If you are new download the stronglifts 5x5 app and watch some YouTube vids on correct form. Lifting does make you feel better.

[Christmas]

Chinaman, I'll buy you a beer when I'm back in Sydney. Or go hang out with Xmas, just remeber to bribe her with desserts.

You are kind of too open with stuff, I would stop talking to your flatmate about punting and your penis/balls.

I would recommend you take up lifting. If you are new download the stronglifts 5x5 app and watch some YouTube vids on correct form. Lifting does make you feel better.

yah
yahhhh
yahhhhhh will be fun harry x chinaman x me and bring tagajajajakakaka too
we go lunch or dinner
and dessert
and second dessert
and third dessert
and forth dessert
and fifth dessert

[beta101]

how can i be better man?

Don't need to. Not been indian already put u miles ahead.

[hypebeast131415]

Chinaman, I'll buy you a beer when I'm back in Sydney. Or go hang out with Xmas, just remeber to bribe her with desserts.

You are kind of too open with stuff, I would stop talking to your flatmate about punting and your penis/balls.

I would recommend you take up lifting. If you are new download the stronglifts 5x5 app and watch some YouTube vids on correct form. Lifting does make you feel better.

can agree with harrycd that going to gym or do other sports can help (some gym instructors in the gym are cool to correct ur form)

i never talked about punting with pple other than my 2 older brothers (they were the ones that got me experienced the real world) and my other mate who is also experienced in these. (i never mentioned anything about massage or shit to my other good friends, let alone flatmates)

there're many kinds of stuff that u shouldnt talk about when meeting pple (like ur personal fetish and puntings)

[Azninvasion85]

Inhaled agree with what james_jones say about not talking about ur probs with women and lol ur not close with, as well as the precived value esp if ur trying to hook up or be in a relationship with said woman. Also very true about getting ur life in order first. However if u have some very close friends or ppl that u are close to whether they are man or woman, I'm sure they will be able to give u advice on what to do with particular problems.
Definitely go on the app meet up I have been to a couple of the get togethers on there and it is very very fun and u do meet some great ppl. U can also start ur own group with ur own interests!

[vitamin]

The way you talk about being open/sharing problems comes across that you believe it to be a positive trait.



Then stop saying weird shit and being so open. You don't need to be and the tone of your post comes across as a victim. If you are behaving like this around people they will think you are weak and not worth bothering with.



Why are you talking about your problems to *people*? Why do they want to hear? This may sound harsh but they don't care and a healthy relation is not built on discussing your problems with them. This is especially true of women. On top of this do not try fix womens problems, if they want to talk that is fine but that is what they want, not fixing unless they specifically ask and even then approach with caution.

Think of it this way, if you can't fix your own problems and need their help why would they want to be friends with you? How will you provide value to them if you can't even get your own shit in order. If the only thing you bring to a conversation is your problems then why would people want to talk to you?

The modern western idea of being open / sharing feelings with people is a fallacy. It is a terrible idea to be open about problems, especially with women, primarily because it lowers their perceived value of you. It may be acceptable for close male friends but you will only have a small number of these and they are not women. You do not need to share your feelings with women, in fact they will respond better if you do not.

Well said

Value
Setting frame. Controlling frame.
Living in your reality

That brings back memories. Lol

I'll sum it up for you OP.
"Be the man you want your sister to marry."
Improve every aspect of your life so girls gravitate to you.
HEALTH, FINANCES, PERSONALITY, RELATIONSHIP, LIVING CONDITIONS, GROOMING, STYLE, MANNERISMS.

like a character bar in a game. Start drafting them all to the right. You don't have to drag all to 10/10 buy more you improve the more girls will appear in your life.

If you're a shit catch. Doesn't matter what cheap tricks you learn you'll never have girls want to stay with you. It will always be short term.

While all these cheap tricks work short term but the underlying principles of pickup artistry is to make you into a man girls want to be with.
(Natural game or internalizing the game)
Where you no longer fake it.
To a point where you go. Here I am ladies and girls want you.

Girls don't want to be with someone who has problems. It's like a car salesman selling a car and naming all its faults. Girls will just steer away from you after you feel good about spilling your problems into their ears.
Being open is fine. But what you're open about is a different story.

[inmydream]

Vitamin sums up really well. Obviously he is the expert pick up artist. Maybe you should become his wingman and learn a few tricks. Only if chrismast allows it haha. Also better have few closed friends rathen than many friends!! If you know what I mean.

[Shoryureppa]

Life weeds out the lazy. It is a slow & incremental process but if you actually do want those things, then make it happen.

Don't focus on women, waste of time.

[Pussyhands]

Well said

Value
Setting frame. Controlling frame.
Living in your reality

That brings back memories. Lol

I'll sum it up for you OP.
"Be the man you want your sister to marry."
Improve every aspect of your life so girls gravitate to you.
HEALTH, FINANCES, PERSONALITY, RELATIONSHIP, LIVING CONDITIONS, GROOMING, STYLE, MANNERISMS.

like a character bar in a game. Start drafting them all to the right. You don't have to drag all to 10/10 buy more you improve the more girls will appear in your life.

If you're a shit catch. Doesn't matter what cheap tricks you learn you'll never have girls want to stay with you. It will always be short term.

While all these cheap tricks work short term but the underlying principles of pickup artistry is to make you into a man girls want to be with.
(Natural game or internalizing the game)
Where you no longer fake it.
To a point where you go. Here I am ladies and girls want you.

Girls don't want to be with someone who has problems. It's like a car salesman selling a car and naming all its faults. Girls will just steer away from you after you feel good about spilling your problems into their ears.
Being open is fine. But what you're open about is a different story.

As much as I don't want to agree - this is indeed the facts

I have fluffed my way through this, thinking the best of people but in reality it is a dog eat dog world.

U don't have to change ur values and ethics however u have to be aware that there are many many sharks out there sniffing for blood - if u show blood they will hunt u down!

------

Having said that and been through it the hard way, I learnt to be comfortable with who I am and am at a place where I can be myself without putting up a mask.

I figure, it's too much work not being myself, if they like me they will stay, if they don't then they won't.

Life is too short to be who you are not, things will come and go.

You have ur life to live and I hope to see u on the other side =D

[CunningLinguist]

Hey Chinaman how old are you roughly ?

[BlackToad]

It's a balancing act. If you are too open with new people then they may find it uncomfortable or confronting. But if you don't open up atleast a little then people will never feel close or friendly with you and you will seem aloof.

(Yah! Made senior member!!)

[Matie]

I think pussyhands has it right....

[Babycat]

Reminds me Better man of Robbie William.
Can't impress/ make everyone happy with you. So don't try to be perfect. Use Meetup to find which group is suitable for you then try.

[BongKong]

Chinaman my advice is dont come to a forum of dudes discussing ML/WL for advice on interacting with women as 90% of it would be bad advice - my opinion only.

I think Harrycd nailed it in terms of excercise - work on your health / fitness and only good can come of that in terms of physical benefits and confidence.

Feel free to express or ask whatever you like - everyone is a weirdo in some way.

And the advice about not discussing having problems is just macho BS. The dudes that never discuss that stuff or open up for advice are the ones that end up necking themselves.