Reply With QuoteI guess now you have taken a lessonjust need to move on and probably take it as point of reference if similar things or flags happen in the future
What happened to me? Love or not... PART 2 Update
Hey everyone,
I'm not sure if everyone remembers my old story about chasing after a ML to become my GF. Here is the old thread.
http://forum.aus99.com/showthread.ph...me-Love-or-not
All I can say after 8-9 months together was fuck I should have listened to everyone in that thread. Holy shit this past few months have been hell. Let me fill you up with some of the backstory and my stupid actions and red flags I ignored.
Part 1: What happened.
- Met ML girl
- Told me she didn't have a BF but she did
- He was abusing her and I helped her
- Helped her find a place to live and started our 'relationship'
Following on after Part 1 - I managed to help her escape from her boyfriend. We kept seeing each other and formed a 'relationship' (I say relationship like this because she says she does not believe in labels like BF/GF - this was another red flag). Every day I would pick her up and take her home, get her dinner and bring her lunch to her work because she wouldn't eat properly. We also traveled a fair bit together around Australia and Internationally (I'll get to this one soon). Everything was looking good for 6-7 months - we decided to live together so I started looking for apartments and helping her with her visa paperwork etc. We decided to go to a trip to NZ once we moved into our apartment and that's where it went all downhill. I can accept that she sells sex as a service and that she does outcalls etc. But there was one guy who she claimed was a customer...but he wasn't - she would stay over his house once a week and always meet him (Wow red flag). He was someone she met before myself and was also seeing him as a boyfriend. She played us both for 8 months and saw us both simultaneously. We both were having natural sex with her etc. In NZ, halfway through our trip he finds out that she is with me (she told him she was travelling alone and she told him that I was a customer after she was found out). He decided to fly all the way to NZ to take her from me - and he was successful. She likes guys who do dramatic actions like that in a movie and i wasn't able to stop her from seeing him. So from there our relationship was pretty much over - she moved all her things out but she wanted to stay friends with me and still have sex - but that's not what i wanted. In between all this there were many arguments with me, her and him. Eventually she had to choose and I was willing to let her come back to me once more with a fresh start (I believe in second chances but I guess i was too naive) - and she chose me. We were living happily and fine again when she moved in. But, one night she decides to see him and suddenly doesn't come home. The next day she is at my agent asking to pay the break fee on our lease and move all her things. She didn't say one word to me or look at my face - she took her things and left concluding our story together. She went from making love with me and talking happily cooking meals together to dead cold silence and systematically moving out from me. I can say I believe I was a good man to her - never hurt her, gave her freedom and took care of her. Maybe I was too kind, maybe I didn't control her enough? I'll never know but she didn't tell me why she left.
There are a lot more details to this story but this is the gist of it towards the end (all this happened within 2-3 weeks!). Now I can see all the red flags, the lying, the constant cheating with her past boyfriends etc. She was a good and caring person but she is very unstable with her behaviors and I don't believe she knows what commitment or loyalty means anymore.
I feel a little broken in terms of trust now and I really wanted to know why she suddenly decided to leave me so fast without explaining or talking but i'll never get that chance. What do you guys think? Any recommendations on how to get past all this? Thank you for reading!
If you have any questions about her feel free to leave a message or PM me for finer details.
I guess now you have taken a lesson
Hey man, feel sorry for you after reading this.
Feeling is in our human nature and it's not easy to act against your feeling even though all other guys have already told you so. We all have been on that same boat. Don't feel sorry for yourself dude, it's a lesson learned in life, it's just part of the process. And think about all the natural sex and all the fun and fucking you've had so far, it's a memory to keep. The rest of it (the arguments, all the fighting and bad feeling, questions) will become a laugh in 1-2 years time. You and your mates can hang out one day in a few years and you will be fucking laughing at it "remember the girl I fell for, fuck I was crazily in love with her hahaha".
Yea it hurts but it will go away. To be honest though, I've never been in that situation because I've never tried to ask any WLs/MLs girls out, despite I like them as much as you do.
Just go for another massage/sex and it helps big time. Hanging out with some dude friends and you'll feel better.
And by the way, you have been kind enough to her. Presume that you didn't fight with the guy to win her, you let him take her in NZ, that's a high act comparing to the scum guy who was even crazier than you that he flew to NZ and took her from you. Is she that worth to fight for? Absolutely not, I'd never fight for a girl like that. That guy thinks that he wins, but no, you're the winner here because you got out of the shit and will move on with your life, while he's getting into the shithole again. He's stupid.
PS: btw are you Hamish from the Hamish and Andy radio station?
My gosh, that’s so sad someone like that exists
Xboyx is right, you’re the real winner here for getting out of a relationship like that
Just keep yourself busy and force yourself to go out and do as much as possible
Hang out with friends go gym set goals for yourself to keep your mind off it
Hey thanks for this. It really hits my heart and makes me feel a lot better. I definately can see myself be happier in the future - just right now it sucks and that's normal because of the feels and loneliness. I will for sure visit some other shops! Yeah I didn't fight too hard to keep her but i did fight for her to stay with me on our trip, i did talk to her and tell her I would finish everything together if she went to see him while in NZ but she said wait wait wait etc. Just to keep me in her life. Thinking back that should of been the last time I should of saw her.Originally Posted by xboyx
Haha i love how you think i'm the winner and I agree! No more headaches, no more worrying about lying/cheating now he can stress about her and wait for the next guy to pop up cause with her there always is. Time to find myself a honest woman!
I wish i was Hamish from Hamish and Andy - dear god would that make this juicier.
hahah man, the Hamish and Andy is just my joke to light up your mood.
seriously, only young crazy hot headed guys would fight for a girl like that dickhead. Hold your pride and honor, it's not worth it, if she likes that type of guys, she can goes with him, let him have her, it's not that you're weak and lost her, you have your pride and you won't beg for it.
Go see other girls. for me, I use brute force to get over a girl, frequent visits to see other girls lol
Jenny at PPP 200? LOL, really you?
Thank you! Yeah I think i was very mature about everything but the two of them acted very immaturely - blocking all contact, not talking to solve financials and lease agreements etc. I still have my pride and honor - one chance that was it. Just now my confidence took a hit but this week I will see many girls to forget the sadness.
It’s going to hurt the next 6-12 months but it will only make you stronger. You took a chance and nobody can criticise you for that, love works in mysterious ways as they say. Don’t deter that all WL are like that, can just as well happen to a girl you met at work or university.
I've always said never take anything more than 'sex' with WLs.
Cant make a ho a housewife
Haha. So true. She was so housewifey though! Cooked, cleaner did all the domestic things. Just she can't stay with one guy :/
You can hardly say you weren’t warned. I just hope it is lesson learnt.
What are you going to do if she comes back again?
Yeah I know I was warned. If she wants to come back I will say no. I need to move on and with her there will be no future no matter how much I love her. She will definitely regret leaving me I feel (abit egotistical) but she chose him twice and left me twice. That's my limit. She will never love me
You need to read the Rational Male. This is definitely life saving material. Even just hearing stories from some guys failed relationships and marriage is an eye opener to the reality of female nature.
This doesn't excuse poor behaviour from females far from it but lets you understand and properly navigate your way through life without getting completely burned in your dealings with the opposite sex.
Most of the links below are just from his blog Best of Year One posts that I believe you should read but if any of that resonates with you.
I'd recommend buying the first book if you find the blog posts helpful and see what you think of Rational Male volume 1 but ultimately the books are just blog posts compiled so you can make your way through all of the best of posts.
https://therationalmale.com/the-best...male-year-one/
SUGAR BABIES - https://therationalmale.com/2016/07/11/sugar-babies/
THE BITTER TASTE OF THE RED PILL - https://therationalmale.com/2012/04/...-the-red-pill/
KILL THE BETA - https://therationalmale.com/2011/11/21/kill-the-beta-2/
THE MEDIUM IS THE MESSAGE - https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/...s-the-message/
JUST GET IT - https://therationalmale.com/2012/08/22/just-get-it/
HYPERGAMY DOESN’T CARE - https://therationalmale.com/2012/05/...y-doesnt-care/
APPRECIATION - https://therationalmale.com/2011/11/14/appreciation/
THERE IS NO ONE - https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/30/there-is-no-one/
THE CARDINAL RULE OF RELATIONSHIPS - https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/...relationships/
THE DESIRE DYNAMIC - https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/...esire-dynamic/
THE 5 STAGES OF UNPLUGGING - https://therationalmale.com/2012/07/...of-unplugging/
Cheers for this - I will read through them all. Appreciated!
Hamish, you just make sure you hold the line and don’t weaken if she comes back.
Yeah..if this does happen it will be another challenge but I need to move on and tell myself I am happier without her. I need to be stronger.
Ahh yeah I read a bit but i guess it can help some people - not really my type of change management i want though. I didn't do anything wrong in our relationship - it was her. I dont need to change myself for someone as low as her. Thanks for the heads up.
Incel has nothing to do with it.. but as you will. Red pill applies to much more than just relationships..
Some lessons you have to learn the hard way. You didn't do anything wrong.. except be the typical inexperienced guy who put too must trust in girls which I and many guys have done also.. rite of passage for sure.
As a wise man once said Trust.. but VERIFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
Ok from a red pill lens I will break down what happened. She was only using you for financial gain.
Girls are great actresses and many will use guys for a multitude of different things.
Actions speak louder than words so the fact that she chose not to stay with you is a great thing on your part because most likely scenario looks like after she had her marriage visa or whatever and was in a good position.
She would proceed to divorce rape you, if you are lucky, she only chooses to leave instead because she isn't completely ruthless and got what she came for (residency).
Everyone thinks they are special and that these things can't happen to them. Girls divorce rape guys all the time and many Asian girls will milk Australian citizens for residency.
So count your blessings and learn from this experience. Don't rationalize away red flags in future. Enforce your boundaries and liars will be discarded.
I know emotions can be strong you probably still feel like you like or love her a lot but... she doesn't feel the same way. So that's where the story ends.
You might feel bad now but imagine in a few years when EVERYTHING 'suddenly' falls apart after you've invested A LOT more into the relationship and she's been coming along for the easy ride.
You are completely right. I know for a fact she was using me financially - Rent, food, eating out and also helping her with her student visa payments and paperwork and partnership visa. She was 100% using me. I knew this but in a relationship its okay to help the other out - but now I look back and think I was very naive. I was obviously blinded by love and completely stupid ignoring blatant red flags. I was scared she would leave me if i pushed her. She would say she didnt like controlling or abusive guys but then she would actually like it. One thing was another. I will definitely be a lot stronger in future relationships and listen to my gut more then overthinking and over trusting. She didn't say she loved me once even though I said it to her. I knew she didn't. I knew the relationship was not going anywhere - I was just stuck.
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