I miss the feeling from dating a civilian

[TJH2]

So I recently went back to my birth country where I grew up. I messaged my ex whom I hadn't seen for 6 years asking if she'd like to hang out. She said yes.

Before the date:
I admit despite all the things I hate about her I still have feelings for her and she is currently single. The end goal of this date is BBFS(sorry for using this punter word) on the night and another round in the next morning. I did the full prep as I normally would before going out for a session (balls shaving, nails cutting, saving up for a big load etc).

The date:
She picked me up from a train station at around 1pm (We live in different cities). We went for lunch, then coffee, took a walk in a park and shopping mall, went to a bar for a drink, then went for dinner. The chemistry is still there so we just kept talking about everything. I researched on how to hook up with an ex beforehand and one of the key takes was not to beat around the bush and go straight to the point. However when we met this rule was soon out of the window, that or I just didn't have the courage to bring that up. During the date I was trying to spot any clues of her trying to get laid but apart from at one point she tried to sit next to me but then eventually sat at the other side of the table I didn't see/spot any. No physical contact was made during the entire date.

After the date:
She dropped me at the train station at 9pm ish, in the car we said goodbye to each other and she asked me to text her after I arrive home. I jumped on the train feeling like a failure and defeated. It was a good day just like when we were dating, except I didn't get to release my load. I got home at 11:30 and texted her, no response. Half an hour later before I went to bed I texted her good night, again no response as of now writing this post.

Thoughts:
I was in my bed almost the entire next day eating take away food. For quite some time that felt like the worst day of my life. Was she pissed that I didn't initiate? I hated myself so much for not having a game plan and completely screwing this up. God damn I missed the time we spent that afternoon. I want to spend another day with her just talking about everything. There were moments she was acting in some annoying way which she hasn't changed one bit but overall the feeling of talking to a semi girlfriend is something I hadn't experienced in years. In a punt you get to chit chat with the WL but the feeling is nothing to that.

Question:
So how do I stop being so emotional right now? I feel so empty inside and so thirsty for that civilian validation. I am unlikely to stop punting but it just feels less excited to me right now. I have been trying to up my PUA game by talking to girls on social media and attending bars. Not sure how long I last as all attempts I made in the past failed badly.

This failed date has really broken my life balance: before I'd see a WL a week and could focus on self improvement/work/hobbies etc. The mindset that I could still get sex from civilians when needed seems to be no longer true. The thought of I'm paying for sex is because i can't get it from a civilian is bothering me and hurting my self confidence. They say learning how to deal with women is a life time task for men and those days of crying and feeling hurt while I was in a relationship are still vivid. Yet this pain is something a GFE session is never able to provide.

[andrewv]

Life is full of missed opportunities. Just decide this one was missed, and move on to the next one.

[Double_Adapter]

Probably the wrong place to be asking that question as most blokes here miss the feeling of dating a WL/ML

[c1teh9]

Sounds like you had a great day and treated her well so don't be too hard on yourself. You also learnt a valuable lesson.

Now in future interactions you'll be a bit more forward so you don't go home with any regrets.

Seems like a win win in my opinion.

[critical brain mass]

You went out on a date with an ex. That’s probably your first problem right there.

[GoldfishMan]

It's all in your head. I didn't even get the feeling that you wanted to get laid with your ex. Maybe you subconsciously weren't motivated enough to go for it?

[rooter]

Sex is energy, its a journey, its theatre, its improvisation, its fantasy, its a theme park ride, you just have to get into the moment and then whether its your wife or your neighbour or a Tinder date or a sugar baby or a WL doesn't matter, you just go with it and enjoy, and when its over its over. Enjoy!

[personaa]

Never look back. She is an ex for a reason. Forget and move on to new fields.

[cplurt2]

Don't come across needy bro. You left two messages and fo do other things . They will either blossom with her reach out out again or it won't happen, that's the beauty of normal dating and yet a pain in the ass compare to what we experience now as punters. I paid 500 bucks to have sex with an ml that had at that point a no fs policy. If I were single Id probably hate the dating game...but in your case the agaibe

[Sydozzie]

Never look back. She is an ex for a reason. Forget and move on to new fields.

I agree with this, you broke up. Leave the past as the past. Learn from every experience and grow from it.

[ryanpumper]

This sounds very autistic. No shit your EX who you hadn't seen for 6 years didn't want to fuck the first time she's seen you.
And she probably didn't respond cos she went back and got railed by some other bloke.

[Johny77]

Mate, on one hand I feel for you and what you are going through right now. On the other hand, don’t you think you were going a little far in preparing as though it was a punt, researching how to hook up with an ex etc? You were overthinking big time.

It sounds as though what you really want and need is an actual girlfriend to spend time with you etc. Your enjoyment of that day is the kicker. Even if you did end up hooking up, you would have come away empty because by the sounds of it you want more. If that is what you want, you should start dating and looking for that girl to spend time with. My advice would not to treat it like visiting an ML lol. That is unhealthy as they are 2 different worlds.

My 2 cents worth.

[1inchguy]

Your main goal (end game goal) was to sleep with your ex but got demoralised she didn't suggested or initiated to have sex with you. You sound entitled and need help.
Don't be that guy, especially the one that ends up killing women for refusing to have sex. This is where it starts..

[asiafever]

Ok. Where to start?

1. You seriously thought a girl you broke up with 6 years ago was just going to fuck right off the bat? I don't know the dynamics of the relationship, the break up, etc, but if at the time she had any resentment over the break up then this is peak delusion.

2. Women sense desperation. Seriously. They smell it. She may well not have responded because she thought it might be nice to catch up and then got wind of the fact all you wanted to do was bareback her. That's insulting to her. She saw through the whole thing, and rather than making her feel like she was special to you, hence the desire to catch up, you may have made her feel like all she was to you was a fuck.

3. You read up on it? Please tell me not one of those "PUA, HOW TO BE A BRODAWG PLAYA" bullshit sites. Again, don't know the dynamics of the situation, but I'd say about 2/10 girls MAXIMUM would go for that, the other 80% would just shake their head and walk away, as it would appear she has done.

Look, I'm not big on going back to past partners, I'm on record as saying it's the sexual equivalent of eating out of the bin. Most times I'll make sure I punted beforehand so any sexual tension is non-existent, which funnily enough will make the woman you're meeting FAR more comfortable, and ironically, more likely to be receptive. Like I said, women sense desperation.

So to your question, how do you stop being emotional?

Like Johny has said above, it sounds like you crave intimacy. Trips to hometowns, or places with significant meaning to you, can be quite emotionally confusing. Last time I was in Japan I met up with 2 exs for the first time in 10 years. One was a nice breezy dinner with some laughs etc, the other ended with the girl crying in the train station shouting at me for, firstly, breaking her heart 10 years before, and secondly, for making her relive those feelings all over again. That one made me feel shit, and she was right, I shouldn't have contacted her. So the next day I made sure to go out and have an awesome day sightseeing, and that night I went to a few bars, met all sorts of people, and ended the night in the arms of a cute Japanese girl.

So enjoy your trip, stop overthinking it, rather than looking back to the past, move forward, go out and make new memories, meet new people, don't waste the trip.

[Boomer77]

Confucius says “A good horse doesn’t return to old pastures.”
But I’m sure that saying doesn’t apply to punters…just real meaningful relationships.

[Riceking]

Look, I'm not big on going back to past partners, I'm on record as saying it's the sexual equivalent of eating out of the bin. Most times I'll make sure I punted beforehand so any sexual tension is non-existent, which funnily enough will make the woman you're meeting FAR more comfortable, and ironically, more likely to be receptive. Like I said, women sense desperation.
Pre-date punt, not bad. I would have instinctively had a plan b punt if the odds of a shag were to go south but I like this pre-emptive approach.

[Double_Adapter]

You blokes are brutal!

The guy went in with a solid game plan, the chick saw right through it, dismantled it, and spat it out her arse leaving him in a more desperate, thirsty, needy, clingy and fucked up state.

With all the time, effort, and money he put into this venture, he would've been better off going for a quick punt or rubbing one out at the train station.

The lesson learnt; if you want emotional intimacy you won't find it with WL/MLs or Exes.

[GoldfishMan]

Brutal, overreacting and overly judgemental.

I'd say the only lesson learnt here is never to ask for relationship or emotional help on a punting forum populated by sex fiends, lol...

[ColesBag]

Shudda had a post no-fuck date punt.

[schloong]

Shudda had a post no-fuck date punt.

Spot on there mate!

[derek.diggler]

The way to get over it and feel better is to treat yourself to a good punt. Then go exploring. Chat to other girls or just do a hobby or catch up with old mates and family etc.

Let her reach out, since you already left her two messages. Ball is in her court. If she replies, try to rizz her up but don’t expect her to out.

If she doesn’t reach out, go punting and exploring other pastures.

[ColesBag]

If you had the woman you're weeping over you'd probably be weeping anyway.