The Characters of AUS99 – A Hilarious Guide to Our Forum’s Wildest Personalities

[Mybadwilly22]

Alright, AUS99 fam, let’s take a little detour today and talk about the real spectacle on this forum – the characters. I mean, we come here to share, laugh, and yeah, to “get a little bang for our buck” (pun fully intended). But sometimes, scrolling through these posts, you gotta wonder: Are we all just stars in a weird comedy special waiting to be written? Netflix, anyone?

And while we’re here… let’s address that lingering question that popped into my head last night: Are there some blokes on here who, uh, get a little too into the stories? Are there, dare I say, some weirdos actually jerking off to these reviews? Don’t look around, just think on that. If that’s you, mate, I’d say it’s time to log out, take a shower, and maybe go outside for a bit.

But anyway, here’s the breakdown of the characters we’ve all seen (and maybe even are on some days) on AUS99. And remember, fellas, if we can’t laugh at ourselves, we probably need to get checked. Let’s not take it all too seriously – it’s just a guide to help each other out, not a place to pick fights or play life coach. Just relax, learn a thing or two, and enjoy the ride!

1. The Novelist

This guy’s here to give us every detail. He doesn’t just write a review; he writes a saga, like he’s working on his breakout romance novel. His sessions are described with the intensity of a man who thinks he’s penning War and Peace. He’s using words like “luscious,” “glistening,” and “sublime.” Mate, keep it simple – this isn’t 50 Shades of Grey, and we’re not here to relive the scene. Just tell us: was it worth it or not?

2. The “I Need Every Detail” Guy

Here’s the bloke who can never get enough. You’ve already written three paragraphs, but he’ll pop in asking, “But mate, did she use vanilla-scented oil? Was the lighting more romantic or clinical?” Look, Sherlock, if you need every microscopic detail, just book it and find out for yourself! It’s like he’s out here writing a research paper on every session he hasn’t had.

3. The Wise Old Sage

The veteran of AUS99, this guy has been around since back in the day, and he’s not shy about letting everyone know. He’ll come in with tales of how it was “back in the golden era,” with legendary WLs who are now long gone (may they rest in peace). He’s basically the Gandalf of AUS99 – wise, respected, and just a bit too nostalgic. Love the wisdom, mate, but we’re not studying for a history test.

4. The Philosopher King

This guy takes every review and turns it into a reflection on life, love, and the mysteries of the universe. He’ll end every session review with a “deep realization,” like, “In the end, aren’t we all just searching for connection in a world of fleeting pleasure?” Listen, Socrates, save the epiphanies for your next therapy session. We’re just here for some pointers, not an existential crisis.

5. The Grammar Police

Ah, the stickler for every typo and missing period. If he catches a misspelled word, he’s on it faster than you can say “spellcheck.” Instead of focusing on the review, he’s out here dissecting sentence structure like he’s grading your high school English paper. Mate, we’re all here for a bit of fun – let’s not get caught up on commas. Relax. Nobody’s handing out grammar awards here.

6. The Conspiracy Theorist

Here’s the bloke who’s certain the whole forum, and maybe the world, is in on a plot against him. He’ll jump in, talking about secret “insider” pricing, cameras, and maybe even wiretaps. He’s convinced every shop is tracking him specifically, and they’re all part of a grand scheme. Listen, mate, it’s a massage shop, not the FBI. Maybe take a breath and ease up on the caffeine, yeah?

7. The Salesman

This guy’s all about the upsell. He’ll throw in “exclusive tips,” combos, and upsell recommendations like he’s trying to get us to buy a used car. “Now if you take the double, you get a free upgrade…” Alright, buddy, we’re not here for a buy-one-get-one deal. Just keep it simple. We’re here to get in, get out, and get on with it.

8. The Therapist

The forum’s unofficial Dr. Phil, this guy is always ready to offer up advice, whether you asked for it or not. He’ll respond to every post with some “life-changing” wisdom, usually involving “letting go of the past” or “being true to oneself.” Thanks, mate, but I’m not here for a counseling session. Save it for someone actually paying you by the hour.

9. The Shock Value King

This guy’s stories are, let’s just say, a little over-the-top. He’ll come in with tales of three girls, champagne, a rooftop, and somehow a DJ spinning tunes just for him. It’s like he’s living out a movie script… that nobody else seems to experience. Alright, James Bond, maybe tone it down a bit. We’re all just out here, struggling to book a solid hour on a Tuesday.

10. The Newbie Asking for the World

The classic “first post” guy who’s asking for a skinny Japanese girl in her early 20s who’s “open to everything,” and doesn’t want to leave the house. Mate, this isn’t a takeaway menu. Start small, get your feet wet, and then work your way up. We all gotta start somewhere, but lower the expectations a bit, yeah?

Alright, boys, those are the characters we all know and love. And, let’s be honest, most of us fit somewhere in this spectrum on any given day. But that’s the beauty of this place – it’s a mishmash of all types, and somehow, it works. We’re here to laugh, share a few stories, and yeah, get a little guidance on how to spend our hard-earned cash.

Remember: it’s all in good fun. If we’re getting too serious or going after each other, we’re missing the whole point. This is supposed to be the ultimate guide to “bang for your buck,” not some deep dive into everyone’s character flaws. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, then what are we even doing here?

So next time you post a review or read one, just remember – we’re all part of the AUS99 comedy special, Netflix special pending. And if you’re out there taking it all too seriously… or worse, jerking off to the stories… maybe take a little step back, yeah?

Cheers, fellas!

[Digby]

Very insightful.

[Zoobender]

Alright, AUS99 fam, let’s take a little detour today and talk about the real spectacle on this forum – the characters. I mean, we come here to share, laugh, and yeah, to “get a little bang for our buck” (pun fully intended). But sometimes, scrolling through these posts, you gotta wonder: Are we all just stars in a weird comedy special waiting to be written? Netflix, anyone?

And while we’re here… let’s address that lingering question that popped into my head last night: Are there some blokes on here who, uh, get a little too into the stories? Are there, dare I say, some weirdos actually jerking off to these reviews? Don’t look around, just think on that. If that’s you, mate, I’d say it’s time to log out, take a shower, and maybe go outside for a bit.

But anyway, here’s the breakdown of the characters we’ve all seen (and maybe even are on some days) on AUS99. And remember, fellas, if we can’t laugh at ourselves, we probably need to get checked. Let’s not take it all too seriously – it’s just a guide to help each other out, not a place to pick fights or play life coach. Just relax, learn a thing or two, and enjoy the ride!

1. The Novelist

This guy’s here to give us every detail. He doesn’t just write a review; he writes a saga, like he’s working on his breakout romance novel. His sessions are described with the intensity of a man who thinks he’s penning War and Peace. He’s using words like “luscious,” “glistening,” and “sublime.” Mate, keep it simple – this isn’t 50 Shades of Grey, and we’re not here to relive the scene. Just tell us: was it worth it or not?

2. The “I Need Every Detail” Guy

Here’s the bloke who can never get enough. You’ve already written three paragraphs, but he’ll pop in asking, “But mate, did she use vanilla-scented oil? Was the lighting more romantic or clinical?” Look, Sherlock, if you need every microscopic detail, just book it and find out for yourself! It’s like he’s out here writing a research paper on every session he hasn’t had.

3. The Wise Old Sage

The veteran of AUS99, this guy has been around since back in the day, and he’s not shy about letting everyone know. He’ll come in with tales of how it was “back in the golden era,” with legendary WLs who are now long gone (may they rest in peace). He’s basically the Gandalf of AUS99 – wise, respected, and just a bit too nostalgic. Love the wisdom, mate, but we’re not studying for a history test.

4. The Philosopher King

This guy takes every review and turns it into a reflection on life, love, and the mysteries of the universe. He’ll end every session review with a “deep realization,” like, “In the end, aren’t we all just searching for connection in a world of fleeting pleasure?” Listen, Socrates, save the epiphanies for your next therapy session. We’re just here for some pointers, not an existential crisis.

5. The Grammar Police

Ah, the stickler for every typo and missing period. If he catches a misspelled word, he’s on it faster than you can say “spellcheck.” Instead of focusing on the review, he’s out here dissecting sentence structure like he’s grading your high school English paper. Mate, we’re all here for a bit of fun – let’s not get caught up on commas. Relax. Nobody’s handing out grammar awards here.

6. The Conspiracy Theorist

Here’s the bloke who’s certain the whole forum, and maybe the world, is in on a plot against him. He’ll jump in, talking about secret “insider” pricing, cameras, and maybe even wiretaps. He’s convinced every shop is tracking him specifically, and they’re all part of a grand scheme. Listen, mate, it’s a massage shop, not the FBI. Maybe take a breath and ease up on the caffeine, yeah?

7. The Salesman

This guy’s all about the upsell. He’ll throw in “exclusive tips,” combos, and upsell recommendations like he’s trying to get us to buy a used car. “Now if you take the double, you get a free upgrade…” Alright, buddy, we’re not here for a buy-one-get-one deal. Just keep it simple. We’re here to get in, get out, and get on with it.

8. The Therapist

The forum’s unofficial Dr. Phil, this guy is always ready to offer up advice, whether you asked for it or not. He’ll respond to every post with some “life-changing” wisdom, usually involving “letting go of the past” or “being true to oneself.” Thanks, mate, but I’m not here for a counseling session. Save it for someone actually paying you by the hour.

9. The Shock Value King

This guy’s stories are, let’s just say, a little over-the-top. He’ll come in with tales of three girls, champagne, a rooftop, and somehow a DJ spinning tunes just for him. It’s like he’s living out a movie script… that nobody else seems to experience. Alright, James Bond, maybe tone it down a bit. We’re all just out here, struggling to book a solid hour on a Tuesday.

10. The Newbie Asking for the World

The classic “first post” guy who’s asking for a skinny Japanese girl in her early 20s who’s “open to everything,” and doesn’t want to leave the house. Mate, this isn’t a takeaway menu. Start small, get your feet wet, and then work your way up. We all gotta start somewhere, but lower the expectations a bit, yeah?

Alright, boys, those are the characters we all know and love. And, let’s be honest, most of us fit somewhere in this spectrum on any given day. But that’s the beauty of this place – it’s a mishmash of all types, and somehow, it works. We’re here to laugh, share a few stories, and yeah, get a little guidance on how to spend our hard-earned cash.

Remember: it’s all in good fun. If we’re getting too serious or going after each other, we’re missing the whole point. This is supposed to be the ultimate guide to “bang for your buck,” not some deep dive into everyone’s character flaws. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, then what are we even doing here?

So next time you post a review or read one, just remember – we’re all part of the AUS99 comedy special, Netflix special pending. And if you’re out there taking it all too seriously… or worse, jerking off to the stories… maybe take a little step back, yeah?

Cheers, fellas!

Well put together mate! You might end up writing this show after all.

[JJBlows]

You forgot one personality.

The mentally unwell nut job that we all are aware of

[Revenant]

He obviously has a lot of time on his hands, if he goes over to literotica he could well make some filthy lucre.

[Revenant]

You forgot one personality.


11. The antagonistic non believer(s).

Jesus had to perform miracles in order for his followers to believe. Poor ol’ Vinnie posts the truth and gets blowback! Where is the justice?

I know it’s hard for you folk to believe unless ya see and so Vinnie is prepared to punt four tarts for two hours once again if it’s witnessed by one or two forum voyeurs who will thence write about it right here on this very forum.

The AR will be titled “Vinnie’s Xmas miracle”.

(Maybe even one or two non descriptive photos will be allowed if the ladies are receptive)

Miracle:
An extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment.

[yunglean]

#2 always got lots of questions to ask but not a lot of intel to share hahaha

[94wreckers]

So... your bad willy.... what category do you fall into ?

[Zoobender]

You forgot one personality.

The mentally unwell nut job that we all are aware of

LOL I didn't want to be the first to say it.

[11Bravo]

The Characters of AUS99 – A Hilarious Guide to Our Forum’s Wildest Personalities
Brilliant, a pleasure to read. I owe you a beer.

[rooter]

"Very pedestrian, derivative and unoriginal ... 2 stars" - The Hipster Quarterly.
"Where's the Beef?" - The Fast Food Monthly
"These men all deserve to have their balls cut off and fed to pigs!" - The Angry Feminist Journal
"What's punting?" - The Mormon Weekly
"There is actually a Forum for men who pay for sex?" - The Guardian
"WTF?! TLDR. Hello! Whatevs!" - random Tik Tok influencer
"Nah Yeah Nah" - Barry at the Station Hotel.

[pocket rocket]

Good stuff Bad Willy ....

So who is going to be the first brave bro that is going to start matching user names with Bad Willy's categories ?????

Be it guesswork ... or greater knowledge ???

[Kiryu0]

Ooh damn, where do I sit?? Doesn't seem like I can relate to any of the categories ;_;

[JJBlows]

11. The antagonistic non believer(s).

Jesus had to perform miracles in order for his followers to believe. Poor ol’ Vinnie posts the truth and gets blowback! Where is the justice?

I know it’s hard for you folk to believe unless ya see and so Vinnie is prepared to punt four tarts for two hours once again if it’s witnessed by one or two forum voyeurs who will thence write about it right here on this very forum.

The AR will be titled “Vinnie’s Xmas miracle”.

(Maybe even one or two non descriptive photos will be allowed if the ladies are receptive)

Miracle:
An extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment.

Instead of non descriptive photo, why don't you post a photo of you instead with these two girls, Nobody will believe you until you do and till then you'll be forever know as that "cooked kunt" with zero aus99 credit

Linq put his money where his mouth was and posted his pic and he has way more punting street cred here than you. He actually has more respect here from us fellow punters for his reviews and opinions on WL's compared to your reviews etc.

Post a pic of you or live forver in linq's shadow and know that you will never rise above being aus99's background noise we all have learnt to tune out.

[Revenant]

My mistake and I’m sorry for not mentioning it as to I it was already a given. Of course I’m going to be in the pics doing what I always do, punting pussy. They can wear masks or whatever methinks.

[JJBlows]

My mistake and I’m sorry for not mentioning it as to I it was already a given. Of course I’m going to be in the pics doing what I always do, punting pussy. They can wear masks or whatever methinks.

Needs to have your face, name and date on the piece of paper as well.

I don't think you will do it anyways but atleast linq will have our respect on this forum

[Revenant]

I was thinking of a tshirt with Vinnie and the date on it, then taken off before the action of course. No face pic of me that’s why the two forum spectators. After witnessing the event they are to write up a review on the girls and my performance. I’m already doing it so it’s no skin off my nose but I want the spectators to confirm everything. Easy.

[JJBlows]

I was thinking of a tshirt with Vinnie and the date on it, then taken off before the action of course. No face pic of me that’s why the two forum spectators. After witnessing the event they are to write up a review on the girls and my performance. I’m already doing it so it’s no skin off my nose but I want the spectators to confirm everything. Easy.

No face pic?

You will always be irrelevant here

[Aussieguyinsf]

I don’t fit into any of these.

[kere]

Now this is based.

[Revenant]

No face pic?

You will always be irrelevant here


Relevance, I’m relevant enough to get who I want when I want and that’s all that matters isn’t it?

This isn’t the only place I frequent… a site much much larger than this has me documented as pulling five GFs out of it. All validated. Why I find disconcerting here is that when I say something and do it you people don’t want to believe. It’s like “I can’t do that so therefore he can’t possibly do that”, like they say YMMV and some people just get better mileage…

At present I’m working on dating another WL.

She’s already said yes so it’s a fait accompli. There’s no working per se as the deal has been done, it’s more about deciding where we are going ya see. Most of these WLs have already done the rounds and I don’t want to be taking her to a place that another guy has previously.

Now if I write about it are you going to believe me? I deleted the chat with her two days ago because she was slow on the uptake and then she bounced straight back in rapid fire txt succession. A brush off was all it took. Yes she believes she’s onto a good thing but am I with her and what loose ends will I find? She’s been discussed about on here and I had wanted to comment on that discussion but it’d give my game away. You guys would know who the next WL I’m dating and I don’t want it compromising her work.

Maybe I’ll start a thread, who knows.

[JJBlows]

Relevance, I’m relevant enough to get who I want when I want and that’s all that matters isn’t it?

This isn’t the only place I frequent… a site much much larger than this has me documented as pulling five GFs out of it. All validated. Why I find disconcerting here is that when I say something and do it you people don’t want to believe. It’s like “I can’t do that so therefore he can’t possibly do that”, like they say YMMV and some people just get better mileage…

At present I’m working on dating another WL.

She’s already said yes so it’s a fait accompli. There’s no working per se as the deal has been done, it’s more about deciding where we are going ya see. Most of these WLs have already done the rounds and I don’t want to be taking her to a place that another guy has previously.

Now if I write about it are you going to believe me? I deleted the chat with her two days ago because she was slow on the uptake and then she bounced straight back in rapid fire txt succession. A brush off was all it took. Yes she believes she’s onto a good thing but am I with her and what loose ends will I find? She’s been discussed about on here and I had wanted to comment on that discussion but it’d give my game away. You guys would know who the next WL I’m dating and I don’t want it compromising her work.

Maybe I’ll start a thread, who knows.

I don't think I'll will ever meet someone as insecure as you in my life, that you have to find your validation from WL and not normal woman if you think your such a catch. The fact you have to argue your point on here even solidifies this. Alot of us here even me have dated glamour WL's and I'm broke as shit but you brag about how much money you have, so if you think your flexing here your actually not as I never needed to look rich to do what you did with all these WL. Who knows maybe these girls who date ya still make you wear a rubber but let other punters raw dog here as she only wants your money if you really are rich.

As I said you and your posts are irrelevant and the old saying goes "pics or it didn't happen"

[Double_Adapter]

For what' it's worth, dating and fucking multiple WLs is not a challenge it's fucken easy, overrated and been done to death by many, try doing that with multiple civvies now that's were the adventure and challenge is at.

[JJBlows]

For what' it's worth, dating and fucking multiple WLs is not a challenge it's fucken easy, overrated and been done to death by many, try doing that with multiple civvies now that's were the adventure and challenge is at.

The funny part is he guy thinks we actually care about his love life

[Zoobender]

Relevance, I’m relevant enough to get who I want when I want and that’s all that matters isn’t it?

This isn’t the only place I frequent… a site much much larger than this has me documented as pulling five GFs out of it. All validated. Why I find disconcerting here is that when I say something and do it you people don’t want to believe. It’s like “I can’t do that so therefore he can’t possibly do that”, like they say YMMV and some people just get better mileage…

At present I’m working on dating another WL.

She’s already said yes so it’s a fait accompli. There’s no working per se as the deal has been done, it’s more about deciding where we are going ya see. Most of these WLs have already done the rounds and I don’t want to be taking her to a place that another guy has previously.

Now if I write about it are you going to believe me? I deleted the chat with her two days ago because she was slow on the uptake and then she bounced straight back in rapid fire txt succession. A brush off was all it took. Yes she believes she’s onto a good thing but am I with her and what loose ends will I find? She’s been discussed about on here and I had wanted to comment on that discussion but it’d give my game away. You guys would know who the next WL I’m dating and I don’t want it compromising her work.

Maybe I’ll start a thread, who knows.

Come on champ. Stop spinning yarns or I'll start with you again.

[Digby]

I don't think I'll will ever meet someone as insecure as you in my life, that you have to find your validation from WL and not normal woman if you think your such a catch. The fact you have to argue your point on here even solidifies this. Alot of us here even me have dated glamour WL's and I'm broke as shit but you brag about how much money you have, so if you think your flexing here your actually not as I never needed to look rich to do what you did with all these WL. Who knows maybe these girls who date ya still make you wear a rubber but let other punters raw dog here as she only wants your money if you really are rich.

As I said you and your posts are irrelevant and the old saying goes "pics or it didn't happen"


It’s happening so you’ll just have to wait. I’ll be posting on another site I already use and link to that with a new account due to the fact I keep getting banned. This place doesn’t deserve my reviews or any effort I put into here so they can get the traffic.


For what' it's worth, dating and fucking multiple WLs is not a challenge it's fucken easy, overrated and been done to death by many, try doing that with multiple civvies now that's were the adventure and challenge is at.


When I was 21 I started dating four girls at once and it started my four decades long career on being a serial cheater. Never ever stopped doing that and why should I? See how easy it is once you start, I’ve got four decades of doing just that, this isn’t a new experience for me, just that I’m telling you about it.

Four decades.

You’re all amateurs.


Come on champ. Stop spinning yarns or I'll start with you again.


No need to start on the Revenant account as it’s been banned for no reason like all the others.

Great isn’t it?

Fuck over the guy who says it like it is.

Ban the guy who isn’t allowed to tell the truth.

This account will be banned next, it’s inevitable.

I’m already writing reviews on another site and I only stopped doing that here due to the lack of respect from admin and their continous banning.

Cut enough trees down and it becomes a desert.

Sooner or later this forum will run out of active members and it’ll be only propped up by a few crusty old fat sexually inept guys who run multiple accounts just so the advertisers can think they get their moneys worth…

Hurry up admin I can’t wait for the next BANNING, make sure you jerk off good and proper over it as it’s the last piece of sexual gratification you’ll ever get back from me.

[Zoobender]

It’s happening so you’ll just have to wait. I’ll be posting on another site I already use and link to that with a new account due to the fact I keep getting banned. This place doesn’t deserve my reviews or any effort I put into here so they can get the traffic.




When I was 21 I started dating four girls at once and it started my four decades long career on being a serial cheater. Never ever stopped doing that and why should I? See how easy it is once you start, I’ve got four decades of doing just that, this isn’t a new experience for me, just that I’m telling you about it.

Four decades.

You’re all amateurs.




No need to start on the Revenant account as it’s been banned for no reason like all the others.

Great isn’t it?

Fuck over the guy who says it like it is.

Ban the guy who isn’t allowed to tell the truth.

This account will be banned next, it’s inevitable.

I’m already writing reviews on another site and I only stopped doing that here due to the lack of respect from admin and their continous banning.

Cut enough trees down and it becomes a desert.

Sooner or later this forum will run out of active members and it’ll be only propped up by a few crusty old fat sexually inept guys who run multiple accounts just so the advertisers can think they get their moneys worth…

Hurry up admin I can’t wait for the next BANNING, make sure you jerk off good and proper over it as it’s the last piece of sexual gratification you’ll ever get back from me.

You keep getting banned bacause you keep lying. Admins want the info on here to be useful to all. You rarely share anything useful. You won't be missed by anyone if you stop posting on here. I speak for alot of the legit guys on here who just don't bother telling you. But I say it like it is. No fear no regrets.

My post was just to let you know even though I've left you alone...big brother is always watching. Start sharing some more info and you will win over the forum in no time

Keep it real man. I know there is a decent bloke behind all the lies

[Digby]

How many times have I offered to shout punts so the forum members know I’m not telling a lie? So they can see for their very own eyes that what I do is real.

How many times have I invited forum members to lunch dates so I can bring the women I’m dating and they can see that they’re real.

Only a few days ago I said I’m once again punting 4 women at the same time and requested one or two guys to watch. Then for them to write about it.

These are not lies.

Now you want me to provide intel and write reviews to gain favor after I’ve just been banned once again?

[JJBlows]

How many times have I offered to shout punts so the forum members know I’m not telling a lie? So they can see for their very own eyes that what I do is real.

How many times have I invited forum members to lunch dates so I can bring the women I’m dating and they can see that they’re real.

Only a few days ago I said I’m once again punting 4 women at the same time and requested one or two guys to watch. Then for them to write about it.

These are not lies.

Now you want me to provide intel and write reviews to gain favor after I’ve just been banned once again?

....................................

[Digby]

Keep it real man. I know there is a decent bloke behind all the lies

At last count I’m dating on top of the others one ML and one WL who are being actively promoted by two members of long standing. Now I wonder why those forum members keep bumping their names? Could it be they work for them? No doubt these so called “forum members” aka business managers don’t like their staff dating their customers or skipping work days. In fact I’ve already kept one at home away from work because the money I gave her was more than she earnt on site.

Not a lie but a fact Zoobender.

[JJBlows]

At last count I’m dating on top of the others one ML and one WL who are being actively promoted by two members of long standing. Now I wonder why those forum members keep bumping their names? Could it be they work for them? No doubt these so called “forum members” aka business managers don’t like their staff dating their customers or skipping work days. In fact I’ve already kept one at home away from work because the money I gave her was more than she earnt on site.

Not a lie but a fact Zoobender.

Just upload a pic of you and these girls to settle the debate once and for all.

If not then you just hot air and linq is more legitimate than you

[roooter]

Add category to salesman- Marketing team ie members who are affiliated direct/indirect way and incentivise to promote shop by ARs eg. Getting discounts

[nosytt]

Yeah I admit my reviews are #1 but they are very few and I ain't going to change, the electric charge you get retelling your punt is very addicting, be it good, bad or inbetween.

Writing it down is reliving it.

Great write up OP.

[belvaros]

The WANKER....

he writes detailed critiques on what he thinks everyone else thinks and tries to raise himself a little above the norm... one may liken him to a Democrat homosexual American... innit princess OP

[BobGeorge]

The “UNHINGED” 🤣

[Thomas Crown]

Alright, AUS99 fam, let’s take a little detour today and talk about the real spectacle on this forum – the characters. I mean, we come here to share, laugh, and yeah, to “get a little bang for our buck” (pun fully intended). But sometimes, scrolling through these posts, you gotta wonder: Are we all just stars in a weird comedy special waiting to be written? Netflix, anyone?

And while we’re here… let’s address that lingering question that popped into my head last night: Are there some blokes on here who, uh, get a little too into the stories? Are there, dare I say, some weirdos actually jerking off to these reviews? Don’t look around, just think on that. If that’s you, mate, I’d say it’s time to log out, take a shower, and maybe go outside for a bit.

But anyway, here’s the breakdown of the characters we’ve all seen (and maybe even are on some days) on AUS99. And remember, fellas, if we can’t laugh at ourselves, we probably need to get checked. Let’s not take it all too seriously – it’s just a guide to help each other out, not a place to pick fights or play life coach. Just relax, learn a thing or two, and enjoy the ride!

1. The Novelist

This guy’s here to give us every detail. He doesn’t just write a review; he writes a saga, like he’s working on his breakout romance novel. His sessions are described with the intensity of a man who thinks he’s penning War and Peace. He’s using words like “luscious,” “glistening,” and “sublime.” Mate, keep it simple – this isn’t 50 Shades of Grey, and we’re not here to relive the scene. Just tell us: was it worth it or not?

2. The “I Need Every Detail” Guy

Here’s the bloke who can never get enough. You’ve already written three paragraphs, but he’ll pop in asking, “But mate, did she use vanilla-scented oil? Was the lighting more romantic or clinical?” Look, Sherlock, if you need every microscopic detail, just book it and find out for yourself! It’s like he’s out here writing a research paper on every session he hasn’t had.

3. The Wise Old Sage

The veteran of AUS99, this guy has been around since back in the day, and he’s not shy about letting everyone know. He’ll come in with tales of how it was “back in the golden era,” with legendary WLs who are now long gone (may they rest in peace). He’s basically the Gandalf of AUS99 – wise, respected, and just a bit too nostalgic. Love the wisdom, mate, but we’re not studying for a history test.

4. The Philosopher King

This guy takes every review and turns it into a reflection on life, love, and the mysteries of the universe. He’ll end every session review with a “deep realization,” like, “In the end, aren’t we all just searching for connection in a world of fleeting pleasure?” Listen, Socrates, save the epiphanies for your next therapy session. We’re just here for some pointers, not an existential crisis.

5. The Grammar Police

Ah, the stickler for every typo and missing period. If he catches a misspelled word, he’s on it faster than you can say “spellcheck.” Instead of focusing on the review, he’s out here dissecting sentence structure like he’s grading your high school English paper. Mate, we’re all here for a bit of fun – let’s not get caught up on commas. Relax. Nobody’s handing out grammar awards here.

6. The Conspiracy Theorist

Here’s the bloke who’s certain the whole forum, and maybe the world, is in on a plot against him. He’ll jump in, talking about secret “insider” pricing, cameras, and maybe even wiretaps. He’s convinced every shop is tracking him specifically, and they’re all part of a grand scheme. Listen, mate, it’s a massage shop, not the FBI. Maybe take a breath and ease up on the caffeine, yeah?

7. The Salesman

This guy’s all about the upsell. He’ll throw in “exclusive tips,” combos, and upsell recommendations like he’s trying to get us to buy a used car. “Now if you take the double, you get a free upgrade…” Alright, buddy, we’re not here for a buy-one-get-one deal. Just keep it simple. We’re here to get in, get out, and get on with it.

8. The Therapist

The forum’s unofficial Dr. Phil, this guy is always ready to offer up advice, whether you asked for it or not. He’ll respond to every post with some “life-changing” wisdom, usually involving “letting go of the past” or “being true to oneself.” Thanks, mate, but I’m not here for a counseling session. Save it for someone actually paying you by the hour.

9. The Shock Value King

This guy’s stories are, let’s just say, a little over-the-top. He’ll come in with tales of three girls, champagne, a rooftop, and somehow a DJ spinning tunes just for him. It’s like he’s living out a movie script… that nobody else seems to experience. Alright, James Bond, maybe tone it down a bit. We’re all just out here, struggling to book a solid hour on a Tuesday.

10. The Newbie Asking for the World

The classic “first post” guy who’s asking for a skinny Japanese girl in her early 20s who’s “open to everything,” and doesn’t want to leave the house. Mate, this isn’t a takeaway menu. Start small, get your feet wet, and then work your way up. We all gotta start somewhere, but lower the expectations a bit, yeah?

Alright, boys, those are the characters we all know and love. And, let’s be honest, most of us fit somewhere in this spectrum on any given day. But that’s the beauty of this place – it’s a mishmash of all types, and somehow, it works. We’re here to laugh, share a few stories, and yeah, get a little guidance on how to spend our hard-earned cash.

Remember: it’s all in good fun. If we’re getting too serious or going after each other, we’re missing the whole point. This is supposed to be the ultimate guide to “bang for your buck,” not some deep dive into everyone’s character flaws. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, then what are we even doing here?

So next time you post a review or read one, just remember – we’re all part of the AUS99 comedy special, Netflix special pending. And if you’re out there taking it all too seriously… or worse, jerking off to the stories… maybe take a little step back, yeah?

Cheers, fellas!

Enjoyed the read Mr Willy. Thank you.

There is another type...

The Shill

Also called a plant or a stooge, our 'helpful' shill is a person who publicly boosts or gives credibility to a person or organisation without disclosing they have a close relationship with said person or organisation, or have been paid to do so.

[Orehcac]

Yeah I admit my reviews are #1 but they are very few and I ain't going to change, the electric charge you get retelling your punt is very addicting, be it good, bad or inbetween.

Writing it down is reliving it.

Great write up OP.

Couldn't have said it better. I am the same as you. And true it is quite addicting.
Let's be honest... all these punts, all these girls... most of the experiences are very similar. You go through the motions, you get off. Then you go home. Rinse and repeat.
HOWEVER, every session and every girl has their own characteristics and qualities that make your experience unique. Good or bad.
That's where the 'need'... to pen it all down comes.

If we were to just vote simple YES/NO on the girls... then the whole Forum would just be 1-5 star ratings next to the WL's name lol.

But yeah I admit my reviews are always me just rambling on hahaha. Reckon I'll start putting TLDR's at the start of the post from now on.

[mn69]

Alright, AUS99 fam, let’s take a little detour today and talk about the real spectacle on this forum – the characters. I mean, we come here to share, laugh, and yeah, to “get a little bang for our buck” (pun fully intended). But sometimes, scrolling through these posts, you gotta wonder: Are we all just stars in a weird comedy special waiting to be written? Netflix, anyone?

And while we’re here… let’s address that lingering question that popped into my head last night: Are there some blokes on here who, uh, get a little too into the stories? Are there, dare I say, some weirdos actually jerking off to these reviews? Don’t look around, just think on that. If that’s you, mate, I’d say it’s time to log out, take a shower, and maybe go outside for a bit.

But anyway, here’s the breakdown of the characters we’ve all seen (and maybe even are on some days) on AUS99. And remember, fellas, if we can’t laugh at ourselves, we probably need to get checked. Let’s not take it all too seriously – it’s just a guide to help each other out, not a place to pick fights or play life coach. Just relax, learn a thing or two, and enjoy the ride!

1. The Novelist

This guy’s here to give us every detail. He doesn’t just write a review; he writes a saga, like he’s working on his breakout romance novel. His sessions are described with the intensity of a man who thinks he’s penning War and Peace. He’s using words like “luscious,” “glistening,” and “sublime.” Mate, keep it simple – this isn’t 50 Shades of Grey, and we’re not here to relive the scene. Just tell us: was it worth it or not?

2. The “I Need Every Detail” Guy

Here’s the bloke who can never get enough. You’ve already written three paragraphs, but he’ll pop in asking, “But mate, did she use vanilla-scented oil? Was the lighting more romantic or clinical?” Look, Sherlock, if you need every microscopic detail, just book it and find out for yourself! It’s like he’s out here writing a research paper on every session he hasn’t had.

3. The Wise Old Sage

The veteran of AUS99, this guy has been around since back in the day, and he’s not shy about letting everyone know. He’ll come in with tales of how it was “back in the golden era,” with legendary WLs who are now long gone (may they rest in peace). He’s basically the Gandalf of AUS99 – wise, respected, and just a bit too nostalgic. Love the wisdom, mate, but we’re not studying for a history test.

4. The Philosopher King

This guy takes every review and turns it into a reflection on life, love, and the mysteries of the universe. He’ll end every session review with a “deep realization,” like, “In the end, aren’t we all just searching for connection in a world of fleeting pleasure?” Listen, Socrates, save the epiphanies for your next therapy session. We’re just here for some pointers, not an existential crisis.

5. The Grammar Police

Ah, the stickler for every typo and missing period. If he catches a misspelled word, he’s on it faster than you can say “spellcheck.” Instead of focusing on the review, he’s out here dissecting sentence structure like he’s grading your high school English paper. Mate, we’re all here for a bit of fun – let’s not get caught up on commas. Relax. Nobody’s handing out grammar awards here.

6. The Conspiracy Theorist

Here’s the bloke who’s certain the whole forum, and maybe the world, is in on a plot against him. He’ll jump in, talking about secret “insider” pricing, cameras, and maybe even wiretaps. He’s convinced every shop is tracking him specifically, and they’re all part of a grand scheme. Listen, mate, it’s a massage shop, not the FBI. Maybe take a breath and ease up on the caffeine, yeah?

7. The Salesman

This guy’s all about the upsell. He’ll throw in “exclusive tips,” combos, and upsell recommendations like he’s trying to get us to buy a used car. “Now if you take the double, you get a free upgrade…” Alright, buddy, we’re not here for a buy-one-get-one deal. Just keep it simple. We’re here to get in, get out, and get on with it.

8. The Therapist

The forum’s unofficial Dr. Phil, this guy is always ready to offer up advice, whether you asked for it or not. He’ll respond to every post with some “life-changing” wisdom, usually involving “letting go of the past” or “being true to oneself.” Thanks, mate, but I’m not here for a counseling session. Save it for someone actually paying you by the hour.

9. The Shock Value King

This guy’s stories are, let’s just say, a little over-the-top. He’ll come in with tales of three girls, champagne, a rooftop, and somehow a DJ spinning tunes just for him. It’s like he’s living out a movie script… that nobody else seems to experience. Alright, James Bond, maybe tone it down a bit. We’re all just out here, struggling to book a solid hour on a Tuesday.

10. The Newbie Asking for the World

The classic “first post” guy who’s asking for a skinny Japanese girl in her early 20s who’s “open to everything,” and doesn’t want to leave the house. Mate, this isn’t a takeaway menu. Start small, get your feet wet, and then work your way up. We all gotta start somewhere, but lower the expectations a bit, yeah?

Alright, boys, those are the characters we all know and love. And, let’s be honest, most of us fit somewhere in this spectrum on any given day. But that’s the beauty of this place – it’s a mishmash of all types, and somehow, it works. We’re here to laugh, share a few stories, and yeah, get a little guidance on how to spend our hard-earned cash.

Remember: it’s all in good fun. If we’re getting too serious or going after each other, we’re missing the whole point. This is supposed to be the ultimate guide to “bang for your buck,” not some deep dive into everyone’s character flaws. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, then what are we even doing here?

So next time you post a review or read one, just remember – we’re all part of the AUS99 comedy special, Netflix special pending. And if you’re out there taking it all too seriously… or worse, jerking off to the stories… maybe take a little step back, yeah?

Cheers, fellas!

Nice list bro

Theres also the creepy attachment issues guy -

This is the punter who develops feelings for a ML/WL. Then eventually starts stalking the girl after she rejects his romantic advances. As its all just a business transaction for her.

He is usually very socially inept in real life. Doesnt have much experience with women. Probably middle aged. Abit over weight. Bald or balding.

[PKING2]

You miss the most important one

The Youtuber

All hail the King

[Zoobender]

You miss the most important one

The Youtuber

All hail the King

Vote 1 for Linq. Negative 1 for Pussy Losero

[Mybadwilly22]

Alright, we’re diving into the strange jungle of the AUS99 forum, where each post feels like a sitcom character waiting to happen. Let’s run a psychological profile on these guys and add some fresh categories. Then, for part two, we’ll give each responder their Dr. Seuss moment – because who doesn’t want to imagine these guys in a rhyme?

New Characters Diagnosed by “Dr. Forum Freud”

11. The Forum Action Hero
This guy is on a quest. Not just any quest – he’s out to save WLs, MLs, the forum itself, maybe even the world. He’s got that “I’m on a mission” vibe, posting like he’s trying to solve the Da Vinci Code of AUS99. Every post has a “Will they believe me?” energy, like he’s in a dramatic thriller we’re all supposed to care about. Spoiler: most people don’t.

12. The Flexing Accountant
“Oh, did you need to know how much I spend on WLs? No? Well, let me tell you anyway!” This guy treats the forum like his personal tax report. He’s throwing around numbers, “five-figure savings,” “I could fund a WL’s sabbatical” – he’s got it, he flaunts it, and wants everyone to know just how “economically efficient” his experience is. Might be an accountant by day, definitely flexing at night.

13. The Permanent Skeptic
“Pics or it didn’t happen” is this guy’s anthem. He’s not buying anyone’s story without receipts. Show him a post, and he’ll ask for proof. Show him proof, and he’ll ask for context. He’s the forum’s very own “Trust Issues” mascot – always suspicious, never satisfied, probably works for the X-Files on weekends.

14. The Soap Opera Star
This guy brings the drama – and he’s starring in every episode. He’s dating WLs, dumping them, taking them back, and getting banned for it. Every forum interaction is his personal soap opera. He’s the human rollercoaster we can’t look away from, and he’ll write you a novella on every minor plot twist.

15. The Nostalgia King
“Oh, you guys missed the golden days.” This guy’s forever reminiscing about how great the forum (and the WL scene) was five, ten, twenty years ago. Back in his day, he says, they had “true quality” and “genuine experiences.” Now it’s all “fake news and newbs.” He’s the guy at the party talking about how music was better on vinyl.

Part 2: Assigning Characters to Forum Members (Dr. Seuss Style)

Now, let’s turn to the posts and put our new friends in their proper boxes. Read along and imagine each of these guys as a creature in a Seuss book, hopping around and dropping one-liners.

Revenant the Action Hero, on his dramatic spree,
Saving every WL from here to the sea.
He’ll tell you it’s real, he’ll tell you it’s true,
With tales of romance, heartbreak, and rendezvous.
A one-man soap opera, all highs and lows,
This is AUS99’s own daytime show.

JJBlows the Skeptic, doubting every word,
“Pics or it didn’t happen!” he chirped like a bird.
Show him a story, he’ll ask for more proof,
JJ’s trust level? Lower than the roof.
Call him the detective, the cynic, the sleuth –
He’s here to call BS and demand the truth.

Double_Adapter the Accountant, with numbers galore,
Counting each dollar like it’s part of his lore.
He’s got stats, receipts, and rates galore –
“Let me tell you just how much I spent at that door!”
The man knows his budget, the cost per affair,
But romance? Flexing? Eh, not really there.

Zoobender the Philosopher, wise and profound,
Turns every session to lessons unbound.
“Isn’t life fleeting? Isn’t pleasure a ghost?”
This guy turns pillow talk to a TED Talk post.
He’s the sage, the thinker, the guide on the hill,
If deep thoughts were currency, he’d be overfilled.

Digby the Flexer, in love with his own game,
Tales of WL romance? That’s his claim to fame.
He’s dating, he’s flexing, he’s “seen it all” –
If there’s drama to share, he’ll answer the call.
The Nostalgia King too, he’ll take you way back,
And tell you how “golden days” kept things on track.

nosytt the Novelist, in long winding prose,
With every session described down to her toes.
He’ll tell you the lighting, the angle, the flair,
The plot of each visit, with drama to spare.
Sit back and relax – his posts take a while,
But buckle up, mate, you’re here for a mile.

belvaros the Grammar Cop, spelling check’s his game,
Patrolling the threads for errors and shame.
Forget the reviews – he’s out to correct,
Each typo and misstep, he’ll duly detect.
A post without commas? That’s like a crime,
And he’s here to patrol, line after line.

rooter the Conspiracy Buff, on the hunt for a plot,
“Did you hear about admin? They’re all in on it – a lot!”
He’s mapping the clues, each piece and each thread,
Connecting the dots in his conspiracy head.
If there’s a secret scheme or a plan to reveal,
Rooter’s on the case – he’s keeping it real.

Wrapping It Up

So there you have it, ladies and gents, the twisted, tangled jungle that is AUS99. With every type and trope, from skeptics to sages, from romance to rants, it’s a world unto itself.

But remember, in the grand circus of AUS99, we’re all here for the same reason – a little laugh, a little guide, and maybe a tiny bit of actual advice. Or as Dr. Forum Freud might say, “The only place where everyone’s wrong and everyone’s right… depending on the post!”

[Raybo]

Doesn't even matter if it's true or not, it's entertaining! Hate to think how much time you took spinning that up!

If there is requests, I'd ask if you can categorize the punters that read threads or mention comments where unsafe sex is talked about and comment that they wouldn't do it. If you are not into it, why read it?

[Roydemeo]

Your masterful analysis of the AUS99 forum members is a laugh-out-loud, cringe-worthy exploration of the intricacies of online personas. With surgical precision, you dissect the eccentricities of each character, exposing their quirks and flaws for our entertainment.

Your classification system – The Forum Action Hero, The Flexing Accountant, The Permanent Skeptic, The Soap Opera Star, and The Nostalgia King – is both relatable and hilarious. These archetypes transcend the AUS99 forum, resonating with anyone who's spent time in online communities.

Incorporating Dr. Seuss-inspired verses to illustrate each character adds a playful, whimsical layer. This creative choice transforms your critique into an engaging, lighthearted romp.

Beneath the humor lies astute observation of human behavior. You cleverly highlight our tendencies to seek validation, flaunt accomplishments, and crave attention. This self-awareness elevates your critique from snarky commentary to thoughtful social commentary.

Your writing is engaging, witty, and remarkably polished. Sentence structure, pacing, and tone seamlessly blend to create an enjoyable reading experience.

Your dissection reveals the AUS99 forum as a microcosm of broader online dynamics. You skillfully expose the absurdities and flaws inherent in digital interactions.

In conclusion, your review is an exceptional blend of humor, insight, and wit. It serves as a clever critique of online culture and a testament to your remarkable writing abilities.

[Raybo]

Your masterful analysis of the AUS99 forum members is a laugh-out-loud, cringe-worthy exploration of the intricacies of online personas. With surgical precision, you dissect the eccentricities of each character, exposing their quirks and flaws for our entertainment.

Your classification system – The Forum Action Hero, The Flexing Accountant, The Permanent Skeptic, The Soap Opera Star, and The Nostalgia King – is both relatable and hilarious. These archetypes transcend the AUS99 forum, resonating with anyone who's spent time in online communities.

Incorporating Dr. Seuss-inspired verses to illustrate each character adds a playful, whimsical layer. This creative choice transforms your critique into an engaging, lighthearted romp.

Beneath the humor lies astute observation of human behavior. You cleverly highlight our tendencies to seek validation, flaunt accomplishments, and crave attention. This self-awareness elevates your critique from snarky commentary to thoughtful social commentary.

Your writing is engaging, witty, and remarkably polished. Sentence structure, pacing, and tone seamlessly blend to create an enjoyable reading experience.

Your dissection reveals the AUS99 forum as a microcosm of broader online dynamics. You skillfully expose the absurdities and flaws inherent in digital interactions.

In conclusion, your review is an exceptional blend of humor, insight, and wit. It serves as a clever critique of online culture and a testament to your remarkable writing abilities.

This actually reads like someone asked AI it's opinion of it.

[Roydemeo]

LMAO, this analysis is SPOT ON! I've been lurking on AUS99 for years, and I can confidently say you've nailed the personalities.

The Forum Action Hero? Yeah, that's Revenant to a T. Always dramatic, always saving the day. The Flexing Accountant? Double_Adapter's got that down pat. I'm surprised he doesn't have a spreadsheet for his WL conquests.

And don't even get me started on the Soap Opera Star. Digby's got more drama than a daytime TV show.

Your Dr. Seuss-style rhymes are genius, btw. Made me chuckle.

But seriously, this analysis shows you've been paying attention. These personalities are everywhere online, not just AUS99.

Kudos to you for calling out the absurdity and humor in our little community. Can't wait to see more of your observations!

[Roydemeo]

As a business owner in this industry, I've seen my fair share of regulars. And let me tell you, this analysis hits the nail on the head.

The Forum Action Hero? Sounds like the guys who think they're 'rescuing' our ladies. Newsflash: they're just paying for a service.

The Flexing Accountant? Oh boy, those ones are a pain. Always negotiating prices, thinking they're getting a 'deal'.

And The Soap Opera Star? Please, those drama queens are a headache. We've got enough drama within these walls without their theatrics.

I appreciate the honesty, though. It's refreshing to see someone call out these behaviors.

To my fellow business owners, take heed: these personalities will walk through your doors. Be prepared.

To the author, thanks for the chuckle and the insight. You've got a keen eye for the dynamics at play here.

[Zoobender]

Are you sure you know who zoobender and rooter are?

Fuck me. This numbat can't see the god level sarcasm and wit in this analysis. Go back to talking about shit that no one cares about like the election

[Zoobender]

Alright, we’re diving into the strange jungle of the AUS99 forum, where each post feels like a sitcom character waiting to happen. Let’s run a psychological profile on these guys and add some fresh categories. Then, for part two, we’ll give each responder their Dr. Seuss moment – because who doesn’t want to imagine these guys in a rhyme?

New Characters Diagnosed by “Dr. Forum Freud”

11. The Forum Action Hero
This guy is on a quest. Not just any quest – he’s out to save WLs, MLs, the forum itself, maybe even the world. He’s got that “I’m on a mission” vibe, posting like he’s trying to solve the Da Vinci Code of AUS99. Every post has a “Will they believe me?” energy, like he’s in a dramatic thriller we’re all supposed to care about. Spoiler: most people don’t.

12. The Flexing Accountant
“Oh, did you need to know how much I spend on WLs? No? Well, let me tell you anyway!” This guy treats the forum like his personal tax report. He’s throwing around numbers, “five-figure savings,” “I could fund a WL’s sabbatical” – he’s got it, he flaunts it, and wants everyone to know just how “economically efficient” his experience is. Might be an accountant by day, definitely flexing at night.

13. The Permanent Skeptic
“Pics or it didn’t happen” is this guy’s anthem. He’s not buying anyone’s story without receipts. Show him a post, and he’ll ask for proof. Show him proof, and he’ll ask for context. He’s the forum’s very own “Trust Issues” mascot – always suspicious, never satisfied, probably works for the X-Files on weekends.

14. The Soap Opera Star
This guy brings the drama – and he’s starring in every episode. He’s dating WLs, dumping them, taking them back, and getting banned for it. Every forum interaction is his personal soap opera. He’s the human rollercoaster we can’t look away from, and he’ll write you a novella on every minor plot twist.

15. The Nostalgia King
“Oh, you guys missed the golden days.” This guy’s forever reminiscing about how great the forum (and the WL scene) was five, ten, twenty years ago. Back in his day, he says, they had “true quality” and “genuine experiences.” Now it’s all “fake news and newbs.” He’s the guy at the party talking about how music was better on vinyl.

Part 2: Assigning Characters to Forum Members (Dr. Seuss Style)

Now, let’s turn to the posts and put our new friends in their proper boxes. Read along and imagine each of these guys as a creature in a Seuss book, hopping around and dropping one-liners.

Revenant the Action Hero, on his dramatic spree,
Saving every WL from here to the sea.
He’ll tell you it’s real, he’ll tell you it’s true,
With tales of romance, heartbreak, and rendezvous.
A one-man soap opera, all highs and lows,
This is AUS99’s own daytime show.

JJBlows the Skeptic, doubting every word,
“Pics or it didn’t happen!” he chirped like a bird.
Show him a story, he’ll ask for more proof,
JJ’s trust level? Lower than the roof.
Call him the detective, the cynic, the sleuth –
He’s here to call BS and demand the truth.

Double_Adapter the Accountant, with numbers galore,
Counting each dollar like it’s part of his lore.
He’s got stats, receipts, and rates galore –
“Let me tell you just how much I spent at that door!”
The man knows his budget, the cost per affair,
But romance? Flexing? Eh, not really there.

Zoobender the Philosopher, wise and profound,
Turns every session to lessons unbound.
“Isn’t life fleeting? Isn’t pleasure a ghost?”
This guy turns pillow talk to a TED Talk post.
He’s the sage, the thinker, the guide on the hill,
If deep thoughts were currency, he’d be overfilled.

Digby the Flexer, in love with his own game,
Tales of WL romance? That’s his claim to fame.
He’s dating, he’s flexing, he’s “seen it all” –
If there’s drama to share, he’ll answer the call.
The Nostalgia King too, he’ll take you way back,
And tell you how “golden days” kept things on track.

nosytt the Novelist, in long winding prose,
With every session described down to her toes.
He’ll tell you the lighting, the angle, the flair,
The plot of each visit, with drama to spare.
Sit back and relax – his posts take a while,
But buckle up, mate, you’re here for a mile.

belvaros the Grammar Cop, spelling check’s his game,
Patrolling the threads for errors and shame.
Forget the reviews – he’s out to correct,
Each typo and misstep, he’ll duly detect.
A post without commas? That’s like a crime,
And he’s here to patrol, line after line.

rooter the Conspiracy Buff, on the hunt for a plot,
“Did you hear about admin? They’re all in on it – a lot!”
He’s mapping the clues, each piece and each thread,
Connecting the dots in his conspiracy head.
If there’s a secret scheme or a plan to reveal,
Rooter’s on the case – he’s keeping it real.

Wrapping It Up

So there you have it, ladies and gents, the twisted, tangled jungle that is AUS99. With every type and trope, from skeptics to sages, from romance to rants, it’s a world unto itself.

But remember, in the grand circus of AUS99, we’re all here for the same reason – a little laugh, a little guide, and maybe a tiny bit of actual advice. Or as Dr. Forum Freud might say, “The only place where everyone’s wrong and everyone’s right… depending on the post!”

Mate your wit and sarcasm is top shelf, this is gold!

[Spectra]

Mybadwilly22

You’re poetic in your writing I’ll give you that,
Way way better than I do so I’ll tip me hat,
Writing in such a style lets the cat out of the bag,
Are you the poet troll written about in this rag?

Quite a lotta effort you’ve put in,
I’ve also tried that and was dumped in the bin,
Sticks and stones are nothing but a game,
If I leave permanently will I be the same?

I know I’ve spouted a lot and didn’t fare well,
But what was said was sincere can’t they tell?
I’m of two minds to continue or venture alone,
To leave this place and start on me own.

I’m at a crossroads with one WL under my spell,
Should I take it further or fare thee well?
Oh I know I’ve mentioned dating multiple times,
Written ‘bout it till the sun don’t shine.

I’ve post a lotta things and got no respect,
That’s all I ever wanted and instead it was reject!
Reject rejection reflection now I’m trying again
Can’t you all see I’ll soon be dying again?

That’s all I have to say to the bros here,
The guys who post about the ho’s here,
No need to wait for my review,
One is in the pipeline and she’s new!

[Zoobender]

Some others can't see sarcasm because their head is up their arse. .

How did you write this post with your head up your ass?

[PKING2]

Counting each dollar as it’s parts of his lore

Damn this one so good

Well done mate

[pocket rocket]

JFC Willy, you have way too much time on your hands. FFS, it is only 14th of the month and you've got no budget money left this month to go out to an RnT or Brothel between 6.00pm and 8.00pm in the evening (assuming it took you that time to put that together .....)

Now have 15 different characters ...... and you still haven't told us what one of the 15 you are ...

Good to see you've had the stones to put names to the characters .... but now we've got poetry to accompany the dictionary definitions .... what is it, is this your school homework lesson for the night ?

So do us a favour, man up and wrap up the loose end nicely by briefly telling us in a 1 or 2 line response, what Category of user are you and why ...

Looking forward to your response ....

[Mybadwilly22]

JFC Willy, you have way too much time on your hands. FFS, it is only 14th of the month and you've got no budget money left this month to go out to an RnT or Brothel between 6.00pm and 8.00pm in the evening (assuming it took you that time to put that together .....)

Now have 15 different characters ...... and you still haven't told us what one of the 15 you are ...

Good to see you've had the stones to put names to the characters .... but now we've got poetry to accompany the dictionary definitions .... what is it, is this your school homework lesson for the night ?

So do us a favour, man up and wrap up the loose end nicely by briefly telling us in a 1 or 2 line response, what Category of user are you and why ...

Looking forward to your response ....

Alright, Pocket, gather ‘round, and let me take you on this journey.

First things first: you wanted to know which character I am? Mate, I’m the AUS99 Swiss Army Knife—I’m on the full spectrum of personalities. One minute I’m out here like the Novelist, typing out War and Peace on a Tuesday. By Thursday, I’m the Conspiracy Theorist, convinced that massage shops have secret wiretaps just to track my every move. And Friday? I’m the Philosopher King, tossing out life advice like I’m Aristotle in a brothel. You get the point. If there’s a personality on this forum, I’ve probably worn it, mate.

And about the time it takes? Look, these posts are my little five-minute coffee breaks. My boss thinks I’m organizing spreadsheets, and instead, I’m reading about guys obsessing over massage room lighting like they’re about to shoot The Bachelor. I see these posts about “Was it clinical or romantic lighting?” and I’m like, mate, this isn’t a gourmet restaurant, you’re booking a 30-minute in-and-out!

Now, I appreciate the budgeting advice, Pocket. I really do. You’re saying I’ve “run out of budget by the 14th of the month,” like I’m betting my rent on brothel roulette. Apparently, I’m the only one who needs a project manager just to keep my RnT hours straight between 6 and 8 PM! Didn’t realize I was getting financial coaching on the AUS99 forum. What’s next? A lecture on compound interest?

And let me tell you how I even started on here. I just wanted to do a favor for a mamasan who asked me to write a review for her shop. I thought I’d post a quick question for some intel, and suddenly, the comments light up. Blokes out here going, “Why don’t YOU try it and give us an AR?” So I’m thinking, alright, message received. But then I start reading, and I realize—this place is a goldmine. There’s the practical stuff, sure, but then there’s the wildest, most twisted posts that have me thinking, “Did I just stumble into the comedy show of the century?”

And some of you? Mate, you take the forum way too seriously. JJBlows, for instance, is out here gatekeeping “forum respect points” like it’s some kind of loyalty program, telling people who’s got credit and who doesn’t. Then there’s Revenant, organizing a full stage production with “forum witnesses” to confirm his miracle RnT. This guy’s out here asking two blokes to show up and confirm he’s “doing the deed,” like it’s an R-rated TED Talk. At this point, I’m expecting him to throw in a popcorn stand.

I’m not just here for the reviews, alright? This forum is pure, addictive entertainment. I’m not just reading for advice anymore—now I’m tuning in for the daily AUS99 soap opera, as hooked on this as I am on WLs.

But hey, Pocket, keep the budgeting tips coming. I’m sure you can give me a full cost analysis for “punting under a strict budget.” And if you’re looking to join me on the AUS99 spectrum, mate, there’s always room for another character in the circus.

Dr. Seuss Style:

I’m here on the spectrum, of every type,
From Novelist drama to Therapy hype.
I’m the Shock Value King, wild and uncouth,
Dropping stories like bombs, though I swear they’re the truth.

Five minutes or less, is all that it takes,
I’m out here on break while my boss gets the shakes.
I’m the guy with his tools, know how to write,
Between RnTs and budgets, it’s all done in spite.

Pocket the Planner, with budgets and scales,
Telling me how to keep cash in my pails.
“Oh Willy,” he says, “you’ve run out of cash!”
Well, mate, thanks for tracking my budget so rash.

I came here to laugh, but then I got hooked,
On stories so wild, I’m sitting here shook.
With JJBlows counting forum respect,
And Revenant’s dramas just stacking the deck.

Now I’m the Philosopher, Conspiracy too,
Finding plots in each post, like a detective would do.
So I’m here on the spectrum, each character spun,
In the land of AUS99, where I’m here for the fun.

[Mybadwilly22]

Mybadwilly22

You’re poetic in your writing I’ll give you that,
Way way better than I do so I’ll tip me hat,
Writing in such a style lets the cat out of the bag,
Are you the poet troll written about in this rag?

Quite a lotta effort you’ve put in,
I’ve also tried that and was dumped in the bin,
Sticks and stones are nothing but a game,
If I leave permanently will I be the same?

I know I’ve spouted a lot and didn’t fare well,
But what was said was sincere can’t they tell?
I’m of two minds to continue or venture alone,
To leave this place and start on me own.

I’m at a crossroads with one WL under my spell,
Should I take it further or fare thee well?
Oh I know I’ve mentioned dating multiple times,
Written ‘bout it till the sun don’t shine.

I’ve post a lotta things and got no respect,
That’s all I ever wanted and instead it was reject!
Reject rejection reflection now I’m trying again
Can’t you all see I’ll soon be dying again?

That’s all I have to say to the bros here,
The guys who post about the ho’s here,
No need to wait for my review,
One is in the pipeline and she’s new!

Alright, Spectra, let’s do this!

Mate, first off, thanks for the props,
You’re tipping your hat while I’m tipping my chops,
Yeah, I get it, the words hit just right,
But don’t waste all that envy, that green in your sight.

You say you tried too, put your posts out to win,
But they dropped like a punt when the shop lights dim,
Dumped in the bin, and you’re lookin’ for why,
But maybe less time at the shops, more time in the reply.

Ain’t no shortcuts here, mate, you get what you give,
If you want respect, step up, write like you live.
Rejection’s a bitch, but it’s all part of the game,
Dust off, write strong, show ‘em why they know your name.

Now you’re sayin’ you’re split on if you should stay,
Hoping we’ll all beg you, “Nah, don’t go away!”
But let’s be real, you’re not the forum’s golden goose,
Stay if you want, but don’t play Dr. Seuss.

And this crossroads talk with your heart on the line,
A working lady’s got you wrapped, tugging that vine,
But mate, come on—get your head off the shelf,
There’s counselors for that, talk to someone for help.

Seems you’re on this mission, postin’ for respect,
Running in circles, craving forum connect,
Like maybe mummy didn’t praise you enough,
Now here you are, grown, and craving that stuff.

And one last thing, mate, about that new review,
You’re giving us teasers, but here’s what to do:
All the brothers keep saying, it’s tried and it’s true,
Just write the damn AR, no one’s chasin’ for you.

So keep your pen sharp, mate, and let’s see what you’ve got,
‘Cause the only way forward is takin’ your shot.

[Spectra]

‘Cause the only way forward is takin’ your shot.


A shot a shot you say, is that all it takes to make things go my way?

Ok brother Willy you’ll see my pens sharp,
As I’m nay a bullshitter playing me harp
You ask what I’ve got and yes that’s relevant
For starters I was once a guy named Revenant.

I’m a man whose gone by many names,
Back for one last shot so no one complain!
I punt a lot, a lot and that’s true
Now you’re asking for my latest review?

You talk about me giving the forum teasers
When all I’m thinking is bedding pleasers
Yes they tease to please that’s their game
Without women would the world be the same?

Yes I’m on a mission, your words bro Willy
A submissional review to prove I’m not silly
Silly is as silly does so they say
Ok, you’ll get my review cum what may.

Now now I’m not a follower like Brown’s cow
A colourful review I’ve decided just now
Now is the time to write it and show it
A review based on cum and how I sow it

You talk about no shortcuts and writing how I live
Did that and it held no water like holes in a sieve.
Less time in the shops you say?
More time in the reply you say?

The review will be how I write it
I’ll hold nothing back so don’t spite it
We all have our flavour and that’s ok
I’ve already messaged I’m heading their way

Till then hold back on your demands
You know of course I’m only one man

I hope you’ll be happy with my threesome

AND

I hope the forum will be pleased some?

[Mybadwilly22]

A shot a shot you say, is that all it takes to make things go my way?

Ok brother Willy you’ll see my pens sharp,
As I’m nay a bullshitter playing me harp
You ask what I’ve got and yes that’s relevant
For starters I was once a guy named Revenant.

I’m a man whose gone by many names,
Back for one last shot so no one complain!
I punt a lot, a lot and that’s true
Now you’re asking for my latest review?

You talk about me giving the forum teasers
When all I’m thinking is bedding pleasers
Yes they tease to please that’s their game
Without women would the world be the same?

Yes I’m on a mission, your words bro Willy
A submissional review to prove I’m not silly
Silly is as silly does so they say
Ok, you’ll get my review cum what may.

Now now I’m not a follower like Brown’s cow
A colourful review I’ve decided just now
Now is the time to write it and show it
A review based on cum and how I sow it

You talk about no shortcuts and writing how I live
Did that and it held no water like holes in a sieve.
Less time in the shops you say?
More time in the reply you say?

The review will be how I write it
I’ll hold nothing back so don’t spite it
We all have our flavour and that’s ok
I’ve already messaged I’m heading their way

Till then hold back on your demands
You know of course I’m only one man

I hope you’ll be happy with my threesome

AND

I hope the forum will be pleased some?

Alright, Spectra, let’s get into it. Summoned Biggie and Pac, the legends in rhyme,
Channelled the wit of Chappelle and Burr—now it’s roastin’ time.
Just finished my morning session, Chinese and Jap, mate,
Now post-nut clarity’s hittin’ and I’m seein’ it straight.

Bruh, you’re out here talkin’ ‘bout your names and fame,
Droppin’ “Revenant” like it’s meant to change the game.
But don’t overthink it, just be yourself,
Quit stressin’ on the haters—stack that pride on the shelf.

You’re servin’ up teasers like you’re buildin’ suspense,
But this ain’t a soap opera, no need for pretense.
You said you’ve got “pleasers,” mate, that’s all fine,
But this “threesome” offer? Nah, not in my design.

It’s two ladies or nothin’ when I’m bringin’ the heat,
Two blokes and one bird? That’s not my beat.
So keep your colors loud, your style on display,
It’s the real you they’ll respect at the end of the day.

Appreciate the banter, this verbal sparring’s a treat,
But here’s the tip, Spectra—take a front row seat.
Hold back the drama, skip the mask and disguise,
Just hit us with truth, leave ‘em no compromise.

Thanks for the battle, mate, it’s fun and it’s raw,
In the AUS99 jungle, we’re here for the encore.

[Spectra]

I’m getting down to tin tacks
So here’s the facts
A doubles been booked
Two Thai’s ‘n’ meself
I’m sorry to tell you but
You’re left on the shelf

MMF was never the intent for three
As I’m not that bent you see
I’m a Christian and I practice lent you see
It’ll be two tarts ‘n’ Spectra, that’s me.

I’ve txt the shop and it’s money for candy
A repeat customer who is always randy
The die has been cast I wasn’t lying
Punting, a relationship without trying.

My aural spectra for them is their nectar
They alleviate my hell by draining the well
The wick will be dipped my money clipped
All that’ll be left is a memory, a review of
two women and a punter on a spree.

[ColesBag]

I was amused. Well done OP.

[GoldfishMan]

I was amused. Well done OP.

Kinda went downhill after he started to name names. I don't really agree with most of it.

[Mybadwilly22]

I’m getting down to tin tacks
So here’s the facts
A doubles been booked
Two Thai’s ‘n’ meself
I’m sorry to tell you but
You’re left on the shelf

MMF was never the intent for three
As I’m not that bent you see
I’m a Christian and I practice lent you see
It’ll be two tarts ‘n’ Spectra, that’s me.

I’ve txt the shop and it’s money for candy
A repeat customer who is always randy
The die has been cast I wasn’t lying
Punting, a relationship without trying.

My aural spectra for them is their nectar
They alleviate my hell by draining the well
The wick will be dipped my money clipped
All that’ll be left is a memory, a review of
two women and a punter on a spree.


Yo, Spectra, lemme pull up on this stage right quick—
You out here plotting plans, double-booked for your trick.
But while you were texting shops, pacing the floor,
I had my half-Chinese, half-Jap queen begging for more.

She gave me that BBbJ, soft lips, no delay,
DFK like a love letter—she kissed the pain away.
FIV? She was soaking; the sheets were a mess,
CFS? Mate, you’d think I was auditioning for Best.

While you’re scribbling notes on your “threesome delight,”
She had me bustin’ nuts twice yesterday morning’s light.
First one made her squirt; she screamed out she loved me,
Said, “You’re a legend, babe, your game is above me.”

Then she flipped the script, gave a massage so sweet,
I was snorin’ like a chainsaw—pure defeat.
But she woke me up soft, with a villainous grin,
Said, “My favorite bad guy, now let’s do it again.”

And all this went down while you’re still at the drawing board,
Trying to pen a colourful AR—oh Lord!
Bro, your “threesome offer” had me raising a brow,
Two blokes, one bird? You’re sounding sus right now.

You pulled back fast, said “two tarts, just me,”
But we both know what you hinted—come on, let it be.
It’s alright, mate, no shame, time to free your mind,
Closets are for coats, not secrets that bind.

Be yourself, Spectra, forget the haters and their chatter,
Life’s too short for their noise—it doesn’t even matter.
But hey, while you’re crafting ARs that still ain’t done,
I’ll have written five more before you post your first one.

Oh, and today, skip the forum, make plans for the fight,
Mike Tyson vs. Jake Paul—let’s hope the world feels right.
‘Cause since Obama days, it’s been weird on the scene,
Preaching males can be females—what the hell does that mean?

Lastly, before I bounce, a quick tip, my mate:
I left her so wet, she skipped her line for the day.
Primed her for the next punter, now I’m back to the grind,
While you’re still teasing us with ARs undefined.

Thanks for the laughs, mate, this battle’s been ace,
But step it up next time, or you’ll get replaced.
Have a good weekend, Spectra, enjoy the ride,
This roast is all love—catch you on the flipside.

[Spectra]

A half Jap half Chinese queen in bed eh?
While you’re on your back getting some hay!
That’d be right yesterday morning
It was you on your back and snoring!

Jesus Christ man I have better things to do
It’s Saturday morning and work to do
Enough of this banter time for a canter
I’m having a shower so I’ll smell like a flower

Yes a flower pretty and fresh for the city
One never knows if they find a stray kitty
There’s work to be done I’ve had me fun
See you roun’ when JP puts MT down.

Enjoy your day.

[X_ULTRA_X]

As a business owner in this industry, I've seen my fair share of regulars. And let me tell you, this analysis hits the nail on the head..

I’m curious, what’s the name of your shop?