Steven Seagal
18-08-2012, 09:11 PM
Chinese Massage
501 King Street
Newtown
G’day all,
“ Movies are like life with all the boring bits taken out.”
Samuel Goldwyn
This is a review of Linda.
You know Goldwyn was right. Movies take all the boring bits out. You never see a guy spending an hour finding a parking space. In the movies they always get a space in front of where they are going. In movies you don’t usually even see people pay for things like cab fare or meals. In fact in movies you don’t usually see people take a piss or eat. Those are the boring bits left out.
If you use a thesaurus for boring you get things like:
Uninteresting
Tedious
Dull
Dreary
Lackluster
Mind-numbing(As a footnote let me add the word interesting here too!)
Folks, the above describes the bulk of Steven Seagal’s life. For example, take my crush on Claudia Kataganagai. She was a real beauty, nice girl and actually agreed to go out with me twice to the movies, but at the end of the second date the following conversation ensued:
Steven: They are showing Pillow Talk with Hudson and Day at the Orpheum.
Claudia: Steven I need to tell you something.
Steven: What?
Claudia: I don’t think we should see each other anymore.
Steven: Why?
Claudia; Well Steven, you’re very interesting but. . .
Steven: What?
Claudia: You were so funny at school, but now you’re . . .
Steven: Interesting. I can be funny. I can learn new jokes and material.
Claudia: It’s not happening for me Steven.
Steven: Yeah, I am interesting.
Folks, with a woman being interesting is the kiss of death for a relationship. The fact that it is interesting that certain paints dry in 3 hours is hardly an incentive to sit and watch it happen! For Claudia it was goodbye Seagal and hello Vaughn Camera.
This brings us to 501 King Street and Linda.
I have not been to this establishment since mamasan Miko went to China some four months ago. Ah Miko, what a woman. If only she would notice my love for her from afar. She looked hot to me today and . . .I am getting off topic, but I would sell my mother to the slave trade for her.
Anyway, or ‘anyways’ if you were educated at Harvard or Oxford, I was given the only lady available and that was Linda.
Linda said she was 23 and appeared to be so. She is about 5 feet, two inches in the old parlance and weight for height appropriate. She has an innocent, girl next door thing going on with her, b-cups with pert nipples and a cute voice.
The experience was boring. Her massage skills were adequate I guess, but there just wasn’t anything to it. While laying on the table my mind started to wander and I wondered if I had taken my blood pressure medication or not. I remembered the time in 10th grade when I was the catcher in a school baseball game and Gleopfus Cloueey was batting and the bat flew from his hands and knocked two of my teeth out.
I snapped back into reality when she did a pretty good butt massage, but the boredom continued. We had some chit chat, but even that wore thin.
At roll over time she asked me if I wanted a handjob and I agreed this could be nice. It wasn’t. Linda seemed to think an erection meant the cock remained horizontal instead of assuming a vertical position. I paid for the extra of her taking her top off BUT “No suck and no touch nipples!”
I came and have contacted The Guinness Book of Records to include me in the category of ‘Least Sexual Orgasm from Most Lackluster Hand-job’ category.
Well, it WAS boring and we finished 45 minutes into my hour session I didn’t and don’t care.
. To top it all off I gave my nephew Efrem Zimbalist Farquar the wrong address for 501’s sister rnt shop in Liverpool. He went into a full service joint and tried to get an hour for $50. Boy, was he pissed off with me!
Toward the end of his telling me off the following conversation ensued:
Farquar: You know Uncle Steven they should make a movie of your life.
Steven: You know, at my age if they want me to see it they better make it quick!
On the way out of the shop I spotted a girl that Miko told me was Susan. She wore a silver top and hot pants and looked like she was heading for the disco and had extras written all over her.
If this punt was a movie and I removed the boring bits it would read:
This is a review of Linda.
Until later ya’ll.
Steven
501 King Street
Newtown
G’day all,
“ Movies are like life with all the boring bits taken out.”
Samuel Goldwyn
This is a review of Linda.
You know Goldwyn was right. Movies take all the boring bits out. You never see a guy spending an hour finding a parking space. In the movies they always get a space in front of where they are going. In movies you don’t usually even see people pay for things like cab fare or meals. In fact in movies you don’t usually see people take a piss or eat. Those are the boring bits left out.
If you use a thesaurus for boring you get things like:
Uninteresting
Tedious
Dull
Dreary
Lackluster
Mind-numbing(As a footnote let me add the word interesting here too!)
Folks, the above describes the bulk of Steven Seagal’s life. For example, take my crush on Claudia Kataganagai. She was a real beauty, nice girl and actually agreed to go out with me twice to the movies, but at the end of the second date the following conversation ensued:
Steven: They are showing Pillow Talk with Hudson and Day at the Orpheum.
Claudia: Steven I need to tell you something.
Steven: What?
Claudia: I don’t think we should see each other anymore.
Steven: Why?
Claudia; Well Steven, you’re very interesting but. . .
Steven: What?
Claudia: You were so funny at school, but now you’re . . .
Steven: Interesting. I can be funny. I can learn new jokes and material.
Claudia: It’s not happening for me Steven.
Steven: Yeah, I am interesting.
Folks, with a woman being interesting is the kiss of death for a relationship. The fact that it is interesting that certain paints dry in 3 hours is hardly an incentive to sit and watch it happen! For Claudia it was goodbye Seagal and hello Vaughn Camera.
This brings us to 501 King Street and Linda.
I have not been to this establishment since mamasan Miko went to China some four months ago. Ah Miko, what a woman. If only she would notice my love for her from afar. She looked hot to me today and . . .I am getting off topic, but I would sell my mother to the slave trade for her.
Anyway, or ‘anyways’ if you were educated at Harvard or Oxford, I was given the only lady available and that was Linda.
Linda said she was 23 and appeared to be so. She is about 5 feet, two inches in the old parlance and weight for height appropriate. She has an innocent, girl next door thing going on with her, b-cups with pert nipples and a cute voice.
The experience was boring. Her massage skills were adequate I guess, but there just wasn’t anything to it. While laying on the table my mind started to wander and I wondered if I had taken my blood pressure medication or not. I remembered the time in 10th grade when I was the catcher in a school baseball game and Gleopfus Cloueey was batting and the bat flew from his hands and knocked two of my teeth out.
I snapped back into reality when she did a pretty good butt massage, but the boredom continued. We had some chit chat, but even that wore thin.
At roll over time she asked me if I wanted a handjob and I agreed this could be nice. It wasn’t. Linda seemed to think an erection meant the cock remained horizontal instead of assuming a vertical position. I paid for the extra of her taking her top off BUT “No suck and no touch nipples!”
I came and have contacted The Guinness Book of Records to include me in the category of ‘Least Sexual Orgasm from Most Lackluster Hand-job’ category.
Well, it WAS boring and we finished 45 minutes into my hour session I didn’t and don’t care.
. To top it all off I gave my nephew Efrem Zimbalist Farquar the wrong address for 501’s sister rnt shop in Liverpool. He went into a full service joint and tried to get an hour for $50. Boy, was he pissed off with me!
Toward the end of his telling me off the following conversation ensued:
Farquar: You know Uncle Steven they should make a movie of your life.
Steven: You know, at my age if they want me to see it they better make it quick!
On the way out of the shop I spotted a girl that Miko told me was Susan. She wore a silver top and hot pants and looked like she was heading for the disco and had extras written all over her.
If this punt was a movie and I removed the boring bits it would read:
This is a review of Linda.
Until later ya’ll.
Steven