My last poem post

[Licker]

Given that this forum has become a part poetry club (whether you like it or not), I thought I’d post one poem that relates to the reasons (for some of us) why we punt.
So this is inspired by the reoccurring threads “why do you punt?” and “My wife does not want sex” and the like…

This one is especially for all those bros who punt because She is not there anymore (for whatever reason).

Don’t worry this will be my last poem post, and I won’t be bumping it so it'll soon disappear on to page 27 :)

----------------

The sound of footsteps is filling the streets
Part of life has gone away
Place your hand in mine, let’s enjoy the silence
Maybe you could offer me some morning tea
I feel withered, could you water me?
It is autumn and I am ready for reaping

I don’t cry for joy,
I don’t cry for sorrow,
If I do, I just cry because…
And I’ll be gone before you even notice

I loved Her so much
At times I love you, even more
For a little while,
Could you be Her,
just for me?

Can we share our dreams?
Though I may use other wheels
It is past harvest and anyone can see it from me

When we embrace so tight,
Even the gods believe in me
Even though I don’t,
believe myself.

I loved Her so much
At times I love you, even more
For a little while,
Could you be Her,
just for me?

[Wayne]

Well, that's certainly an improvement on anything else that has been put forward as poetry on this forum. Thanks.

I well remember my high school English teacher saying: "cadence and imagery...if the poet brings you into the rhythm of his senses then its good poetry." Your poem passes that test.

[CunningLinguist]

I got to the end, so it can't be bad :)
I feel a deep sense of genuine emotion from this poem.
I hope this doesn't encourage more poetry from other sources though ... :)

[TMC (free cage girl)]

Given that this forum has become a part poetry club (whether you like it or not), I thought I’d post one poem that relates to the reasons (for some of us) why we punt.
So this is inspired by the reoccurring threads “why do you punt?” and “My wife does not want sex” and the like…

This one is especially for all those bros who punt because She is not there anymore (for whatever reason).

Don’t worry this will be my last poem post, and I won’t be bumping it so it'll soon disappear on to page 27 :)

----------------

The sound of footsteps is filling the streets
Part of life has gone away
Place your hand in mine, let’s enjoy the silence
Maybe you could offer me some morning tea
I feel withered, could you water me?
It is autumn and I am ready for reaping

I don’t cry for joy,
I don’t cry for sorrow,
If I do, I just cry because…
And I’ll be gone before you even notice

I loved Her so much
At times I love you, even more
For a little while,
Could you be Her,
just for me?

Can we share our dreams?
Though I may use other wheels
It is past harvest and anyone can see it from me

When we embrace so tight,
Even the gods believe in me
Even though I don’t,
believe myself.

I loved Her so much
At times I love you, even more
For a little while,
Could you be Her,
just for me?

Wow :cool2: Sexy Sexy poem:slobber: you should keep poem for every one. I Love it:cool2:

[uglyphil]

Lovely poem Licker. The only one I have read on this forum. Truly beautiful :)

[Cunt Destroyer]

I'm not going to lie, I really didn't think much of your poem...

I thought the tone was OK and I can see the inspiration was heartfelt. But overall it was ruined by your childish and ridiculous prose:

eg. 'maybe you could make me some morning tea, I feel withered, can you water me?'

heh-heh


Given that this forum has become a part poetry club (whether you like it or not), I thought I’d post one poem that relates to the reasons (for some of us) why we punt.
So this is inspired by the reoccurring threads “why do you punt?” and “My wife does not want sex” and the like…

This one is especially for all those bros who punt because She is not there anymore (for whatever reason).

Don’t worry this will be my last poem post, and I won’t be bumping it so it'll soon disappear on to page 27 :)

----------------

The sound of footsteps is filling the streets
Part of life has gone away
Place your hand in mine, let’s enjoy the silence
Maybe you could offer me some morning tea
I feel withered, could you water me?
It is autumn and I am ready for reaping

I don’t cry for joy,
I don’t cry for sorrow,
If I do, I just cry because…
And I’ll be gone before you even notice

I loved Her so much
At times I love you, even more
For a little while,
Could you be Her,
just for me?

Can we share our dreams?
Though I may use other wheels
It is past harvest and anyone can see it from me

When we embrace so tight,
Even the gods believe in me
Even though I don’t,
believe myself.

I loved Her so much
At times I love you, even more
For a little while,
Could you be Her,
just for me?

[Sextus]

Well Licker, here is my unvarnished honest analysis of your poem, as promised.




The sound of footsteps is filling the streets
Part of life has gone away
Place your hand in mine, let’s enjoy the silence

This is very good. You have introduced sound here in two ways, in the presence of it and the absence of it, which relates to the presence and absence which is the main theme of your poem.



Maybe you could offer me some morning tea
I feel withered, could you water me?
It is autumn and I am ready for reaping

I like the comfort in something modest but meaningful in an offered cup of tea. The warmth of that image contrasts with the melancholy turn the verse takes - just as the silence contrasted with the sound. Water may not be quite right in the next line, but melancholia is surely one of the true homes of the romantic poet, and your last line takes that melancholia to the point of real beauty.



I don’t cry for joy,
I don’t cry for sorrow,
If I do, I just cry because…

Although there is a nice repetition in this verse, it leaves me unsatisfied. It is contradictory I feel, and poetic license doesn't cover that I'm afraid. You state twice that you don't cry, and then say "[and] if I do, I just cry because". This reminds me of Michael Palin who says that "No-one expects the spanish inquisition, and those that do..." :shout: Maybe I have misunderstood, but your elipsis then insists the reader fills in the gap of understanding. Well, that is why I'm no good at poetry mate - I like the poet to give me the images rather than ask them from me!



And I’ll be gone before you even notice


I'll grumpily forgive this line that finishes your verse as it does have an obscurity that, while I might not be a big fan of in poetry, I neverthess perhaps understand it's role. But still, I think this line is still too much year 12 high school compared to your fine two opening verses.




I loved Her so much
At times I love you, even more
For a little while,
Could you be Her,
just for me?

Can we share our dreams?
Though I may use other wheels
It is past harvest and anyone can see it from me

When we embrace so tight,
Even the gods believe in me
Even though I don’t,
believe myself.

I loved Her so much
At times I love you, even more
For a little while,
Could you be Her,
just for me?

These last four versus flow together so well they deserve to be discussed as a whole. I don't quite understand what "other wheels" means, but the recurrence of "harvest", the autumnal theme, is good. The meaning in these verses is pretty clear I think, but what is being sought in the plea is delusory - I think you are getting at that in the implication of (false) gods" being false feelings? Am I misinterpreting that?

I've got a theory with poems that if you are really happy with a verse, to try to make each verse as good as that one, no matter how much thought and revision it may take. This poem opened strongly in the first two verses in my view, was let down in the middle and recovered in the flow towards the end.

Cheers,
Sextus