yellow_fever
20-08-2014, 10:51 PM
I'm going to attempt to write this review chanelling the spirit of steven seagall.
We've all been faced with the question of whether to go for a punt with a mystery girl or just stay home and jerk off. I'm sure its plagued mankind from the dawn of time. To help answer this question I think we need to put it into context.
As a young lad the thing to do in your spare time was have a beer. Now you could stay home, buy a carton and some takeaway food and have a good night for not much money at all, and have enough left over to buy lunch at work for the rest of the week and not have to be eating stale vegemite sandwiches. Trouble is though, you'd be sitting at home all night and it would be hard to forget about your shithouse life so the thing to do was go down to the local pub where you could make believe for a few hours that life was worth living. You'd walk in the door feeling a bit down on your luck, maybe with a set budget arrived at by calculating the cost of ham, cheese and pickles plus remembering that you needed a weekly train ticket and your phone bill needed to be paid that week, so 3 beers would be it. Your local used to be a cheerful place, and the waitress would be a robust friendly girl who would pour you a perfect glass of that golden amber, bringing a creamy head to it with a well practiced hand and a smile. She'd serve that first beer up and it would really hit the spot. You'd order another, and then a third. The waitress would be joking and flirting with you all the while, and the other mugs in the bar were sure to be having a laugh too. At this point you're starting to think that you could skip the ham and go to vegemite and have a few more, because beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
At closing time you'd be sent on your way with warm smiles from the publican who had managed to make sure you got home without incident. Your pockets would be empty and you'd for sure have to jump the fence on the way to work without a ticket, dry crust with a bit of vegemite on it stuffed into your pocket. The phone bill would have to wait another week, but it didn't really matter. You'd had a great night, and almost thought to yourself the waitress fancied you and you were in with a chance (just like every other mug in the place) which didn't matter either, something in your soul was set right and you were ready to face another week of life and come back and do it again next pay day.
Pubs nowadays are not quite the same. For starters, you have to get through the processing at the door which is more serious than some penitentiary's, and should you make it in and get to the bar you'll find the friendly waitress isn't around any more. Instead you'll get a super hot skinny girl who won't even make eye contact with you. If you do get her to look away from her iphone for the brief time it takes to order a beer, you'll be needing an overdraft to cover the price of it. Don't try to say hello or smile at her, the security will be escorting you out for that kind of sexual harassment. The order of the day is simple; come in, drink one beer, empty your pockets into the poker machines and leave.
This is a review of Amy.
So I arrived at 295 and went up the stairs. They have a camera at the top of the stairs, and the standard practice is stealth and confusion. There's a peephole on the door, and as you reach your hand out to knock, the girl on the other side swiftly pulls the door open and using some kind of aikido move in one smooth motion grabs your hand twists it up around behind your back, grabs you in a headlock and rushes you face first into the first available room. Remembering suddenly that I hadn't left a note to my lawyer and was about to disappear into guantanamo I squeaked "I have a booking with amy!". The girl released her death grip and dropped me on the floor with a swift karate chop.
So enters Amy. Amy is one of the smaller girls in the shop and is about a size 8 and in her 30's. She has B cup boobs, is quite firm overall and has nice skin. She is moderately pretty, quite friendly and funny and smells good as she is a non smoker and doesn't wear too much perfume. I booked an hour of massage only and was told $100. It seems that no matter the options lists on aus99, clothed and unclothed massage are not actually available, you have to pay the FS rate. I'm not going to argue about it and spoil the mood of the session, but it does make it seem a bit pointless to advertise those options if they aren't available.
The place is beyond run down. Run down just means well worn, it's actually filthy. There's water damage to all the ceilings with some partially collapsed, I dont think it has ever been vacuumed or the walls washed, there's grime/dust on everything, cockroaches running up the walls (seriously) and the shower head is about the height of your belly button. When I turned the water on the water tap came right off in my hand. As I was puzzling over this and inspecting it the water got real hot all of a sudden burning my little bro so I twisted on the cold water tap which immediately came right off in my hand too. So now I'm standing there getting my willy frozen, a tap in each hand trying to figure how they go back on and a roach runs up the shower in front of me.
She's a pleasant girl to be with, but the usual time wasting stuff goes on... lets talk for 5 min, now you shower, then i'll shower, etc... once all that was over with she got straight down to business with a mechanical catbath and a short BBBJ then "fuck me?". I didn't need to have my arm twisted. She's not a bad fuck and quite tight but doesn't like to go too long and prefers short and hard over long and gentle. Another shower for her, a shower for me, and a short massage after. The clock in the room is wound forward 15min, so you get shorted on time. I paid for the hour and was in and out including showers etc in less than 45min. Add showers and other wasted time and it's really about a 15min punt for the $100. Needless to say I didn't tip.
These cheaper places are not always the bargain they seem to be, though there's probably a girl in there that takes your fancy somewhere. You can get a half hour in many FS shops that are cleaner, have better looking girls and more decent rooms with a bed for $90. You're not even getting a half hour at this place for the 100 anyway.
On the way out the mamasan was chowing down a bowl of noodles at reception with another porkchop who had a fag dangling out of her mouth.
mamasan "all done? you go to pub now, have 1 beer, play poker machine?"
yellow fever "I think I'll probably buy a carton to take home and order a pizza next time"
We've all been faced with the question of whether to go for a punt with a mystery girl or just stay home and jerk off. I'm sure its plagued mankind from the dawn of time. To help answer this question I think we need to put it into context.
As a young lad the thing to do in your spare time was have a beer. Now you could stay home, buy a carton and some takeaway food and have a good night for not much money at all, and have enough left over to buy lunch at work for the rest of the week and not have to be eating stale vegemite sandwiches. Trouble is though, you'd be sitting at home all night and it would be hard to forget about your shithouse life so the thing to do was go down to the local pub where you could make believe for a few hours that life was worth living. You'd walk in the door feeling a bit down on your luck, maybe with a set budget arrived at by calculating the cost of ham, cheese and pickles plus remembering that you needed a weekly train ticket and your phone bill needed to be paid that week, so 3 beers would be it. Your local used to be a cheerful place, and the waitress would be a robust friendly girl who would pour you a perfect glass of that golden amber, bringing a creamy head to it with a well practiced hand and a smile. She'd serve that first beer up and it would really hit the spot. You'd order another, and then a third. The waitress would be joking and flirting with you all the while, and the other mugs in the bar were sure to be having a laugh too. At this point you're starting to think that you could skip the ham and go to vegemite and have a few more, because beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
At closing time you'd be sent on your way with warm smiles from the publican who had managed to make sure you got home without incident. Your pockets would be empty and you'd for sure have to jump the fence on the way to work without a ticket, dry crust with a bit of vegemite on it stuffed into your pocket. The phone bill would have to wait another week, but it didn't really matter. You'd had a great night, and almost thought to yourself the waitress fancied you and you were in with a chance (just like every other mug in the place) which didn't matter either, something in your soul was set right and you were ready to face another week of life and come back and do it again next pay day.
Pubs nowadays are not quite the same. For starters, you have to get through the processing at the door which is more serious than some penitentiary's, and should you make it in and get to the bar you'll find the friendly waitress isn't around any more. Instead you'll get a super hot skinny girl who won't even make eye contact with you. If you do get her to look away from her iphone for the brief time it takes to order a beer, you'll be needing an overdraft to cover the price of it. Don't try to say hello or smile at her, the security will be escorting you out for that kind of sexual harassment. The order of the day is simple; come in, drink one beer, empty your pockets into the poker machines and leave.
This is a review of Amy.
So I arrived at 295 and went up the stairs. They have a camera at the top of the stairs, and the standard practice is stealth and confusion. There's a peephole on the door, and as you reach your hand out to knock, the girl on the other side swiftly pulls the door open and using some kind of aikido move in one smooth motion grabs your hand twists it up around behind your back, grabs you in a headlock and rushes you face first into the first available room. Remembering suddenly that I hadn't left a note to my lawyer and was about to disappear into guantanamo I squeaked "I have a booking with amy!". The girl released her death grip and dropped me on the floor with a swift karate chop.
So enters Amy. Amy is one of the smaller girls in the shop and is about a size 8 and in her 30's. She has B cup boobs, is quite firm overall and has nice skin. She is moderately pretty, quite friendly and funny and smells good as she is a non smoker and doesn't wear too much perfume. I booked an hour of massage only and was told $100. It seems that no matter the options lists on aus99, clothed and unclothed massage are not actually available, you have to pay the FS rate. I'm not going to argue about it and spoil the mood of the session, but it does make it seem a bit pointless to advertise those options if they aren't available.
The place is beyond run down. Run down just means well worn, it's actually filthy. There's water damage to all the ceilings with some partially collapsed, I dont think it has ever been vacuumed or the walls washed, there's grime/dust on everything, cockroaches running up the walls (seriously) and the shower head is about the height of your belly button. When I turned the water on the water tap came right off in my hand. As I was puzzling over this and inspecting it the water got real hot all of a sudden burning my little bro so I twisted on the cold water tap which immediately came right off in my hand too. So now I'm standing there getting my willy frozen, a tap in each hand trying to figure how they go back on and a roach runs up the shower in front of me.
She's a pleasant girl to be with, but the usual time wasting stuff goes on... lets talk for 5 min, now you shower, then i'll shower, etc... once all that was over with she got straight down to business with a mechanical catbath and a short BBBJ then "fuck me?". I didn't need to have my arm twisted. She's not a bad fuck and quite tight but doesn't like to go too long and prefers short and hard over long and gentle. Another shower for her, a shower for me, and a short massage after. The clock in the room is wound forward 15min, so you get shorted on time. I paid for the hour and was in and out including showers etc in less than 45min. Add showers and other wasted time and it's really about a 15min punt for the $100. Needless to say I didn't tip.
These cheaper places are not always the bargain they seem to be, though there's probably a girl in there that takes your fancy somewhere. You can get a half hour in many FS shops that are cleaner, have better looking girls and more decent rooms with a bed for $90. You're not even getting a half hour at this place for the 100 anyway.
On the way out the mamasan was chowing down a bowl of noodles at reception with another porkchop who had a fag dangling out of her mouth.
mamasan "all done? you go to pub now, have 1 beer, play poker machine?"
yellow fever "I think I'll probably buy a carton to take home and order a pizza next time"