Funny Comments in Cracker exotic section

[Steven Seagal]

Hi Folks,

I often come across ads that strike me as funny.

This part of an ad appears on Cracker by an unnamed tranny whose services are not made clear and hence seems dodgy.

‘She’ seems to get a lot of crook calls as ‘she’ notes that:

“Calls that are prolonged while monkey spanking,
pony riding or tool handling etc will be cut off.”

Just two points I’d like to mention. First, I hope the ‘cut off’ does not refer to the ‘monkey' or the ‘tool’.

Second, am I safe to assume that etc includes sticking a pencil in one’s left eye and a digit up one’s own arse?

Steven

[cisco]

someone used drugs while typing the advertisement then........

[CommanderM]

phone sex is weird but seems like the person who wrote the ad is stone drunk.

good to see you are still around Seagal... should catch up sometime for a drink cheers!

[Travelmate]

drink ....... count me in ....

[Steven Seagal]

Hi All,

I couldn’t help but note and ruminate regarding an ad Melissa Milano posted on Cracker.

http://cracker.com.au/sydney-nsw/erotic/escorts-adult-services/melissa-milano-sultry-and-seductive-show-me-your-desires/403541740/advert.htm?advertcategory=79&keywords=milano&search=true&region=3&return=1&pageno=1



She wrote; (my emphasis in bold.):

“ANY AND ALL SPECIAL EXTRAS AVAILABLE PLEASE ENQUIRE WITHIN...ALL EMAIL ENQUIRIES THROUGH CRACKER RESPONDED TO WITHIN 5 MINUTES”

Think of what the above means and its implications.

The Setting:

Imagine that Melissa Milano has booked a session with young prat Winifred Fontleroy-Jones. He arrives on time for his one hour session wearing his English tweed smoking jacket with leather patches on the elbows and his maroon cravat with artificial stickpin keeping it all in place. Upon meeting the lovely Ms Milano at the door and announcing he has just had a shower, she quickly pulls him into the room, rips off his clothing and begins a bj.

(Remember she has to check her email for Cracker ads every 5 minutes. She had just sent a text message in response to an email that Montegue Higginbottom sent her, where he left his phone number. The text message she sent said “What would you like to know?”)

The following interaction ensues:

Her Iphone chimes that a test message has come. While still sucking his cock she looks at her phone and the message says, “Do you allow rimming?

Melissa: (Still sucking Fontleroy-Jones texts) You can lick my arse and swallow my shit!
Higginbottom: ( texts) Great. I love the taste of shit. When can we meet?
Melissa: (Sucking Fontleroy-Jones texts) When I blow off the current dumb arsed Bozo’s dick.
Higginbottom: (texts) Great. Wait to hear from you.
Fontleroy-Jones: What did you text?
Melissa: I told my sister you are handsome and intelligent.
Fontleroy-Jones: Really?
Melissa; What do you think? Do you think I called you a dumb arsed Bozo or something?
Fontleroy-Jones: Not really.
Melissa: Good

At the end of the session Ms Milano asked for some feedback.

Fontleroy-Jones: Outside of the 12 interruptions in the hour it was not too bad.
Melissa: Fantastic.
Fontleroy-Jones: Next time can I have a 4 minutes session? That way no interruptions.
Melissa: That will cost you $35.
Fontleroy-Jones: It will be worth it to have the whole time to myself.

So there you have it folks. See Melissa , Milano, but know that she has to check Cracker on her phone every 5 minutes.

Steven

[Lud33y]

Hi All,

I couldn’t help but note and ruminate regarding an ad Melissa Milano posted on Cracker.

http://cracker.com.au/sydney-nsw/erotic/escorts-adult-services/melissa-milano-sultry-and-seductive-show-me-your-desires/403541740/advert.htm?advertcategory=79&keywords=milano&search=true&region=3&return=1&pageno=1



She wrote; (my emphasis in bold.):

“ANY AND ALL SPECIAL EXTRAS AVAILABLE PLEASE ENQUIRE WITHIN...ALL EMAIL ENQUIRIES THROUGH CRACKER RESPONDED TO WITHIN 5 MINUTES”

Think of what the above means and its implications.

The Setting:

Imagine that Melissa Milano has booked a session with young prat Winifred Fontleroy-Jones. He arrives on time for his one hour session wearing his English tweed smoking jacket with leather patches on the elbows and his maroon cravat with artificial stickpin keeping it all in place. Upon meeting the lovely Ms Milano at the door and announcing he has just had a shower, she quickly pulls him into the room, rips off his clothing and begins a bj.

(Remember she has to check her email for Cracker ads every 5 minutes. She had just sent a text message in response to an email that Montegue Higginbottom sent her, where he left his phone number. The text message she sent said “What would you like to know?”)

The following interaction ensues:

Her Iphone chimes that a test message has come. While still sucking his cock she looks at her phone and the message says, “Do you allow rimming?

Melissa: (Still sucking Fontleroy-Jones texts) You can lick my arse and swallow my shit!
Higginbottom: ( texts) Great. I love the taste of shit. When can we meet?
Melissa: (Sucking Fontleroy-Jones texts) When I blow off the current dumb arsed Bozo’s dick.
Higginbottom: (texts) Great. Wait to hear from you.
Fontleroy-Jones: What did you text?
Melissa: I told my sister you are handsome and intelligent.
Fontleroy-Jones: Really?
Melissa; What do you think? Do you think I called you a dumb arsed Bozo or something?
Fontleroy-Jones: Not really.
Melissa: Good

At the end of the session Ms Milano asked for some feedback.

Fontleroy-Jones: Outside of the 12 interruptions in the hour it was not too bad.
Melissa: Fantastic.
Fontleroy-Jones: Next time can I have a 4 minutes session? That way no interruptions.
Melissa: That will cost you $35.
Fontleroy-Jones: It will be worth it to have the whole time to myself.

So there you have it folks. See Melissa , Milano, but know that she has to check Cracker on her phone every 5 minutes.

Steven


So has anyone tried any women on crackers? And is it worth the money?
Love to know

Thanks

[Max Impact]

Hi All,

I couldn’t help but note and ruminate regarding an ad Melissa Milano posted on Cracker.

http://cracker.com.au/sydney-nsw/erotic/escorts-adult-services/melissa-milano-sultry-and-seductive-show-me-your-desires/403541740/advert.htm?advertcategory=79&keywords=milano&search=true®ion=3&return=1&pageno=1



She wrote; (my emphasis in bold.):

“ANY AND ALL SPECIAL EXTRAS AVAILABLE PLEASE ENQUIRE WITHIN...ALL EMAIL ENQUIRIES THROUGH CRACKER RESPONDED TO WITHIN 5 MINUTES”

Think of what the above means and its implications.

The Setting:

Imagine that Melissa Milano has booked a session with young prat Winifred Fontleroy-Jones. He arrives on time for his one hour session wearing his English tweed smoking jacket with leather patches on the elbows and his maroon cravat with artificial stickpin keeping it all in place. Upon meeting the lovely Ms Milano at the door and announcing he has just had a shower, she quickly pulls him into the room, rips off his clothing and begins a bj.

(Remember she has to check her email for Cracker ads every 5 minutes. She had just sent a text message in response to an email that Montegue Higginbottom sent her, where he left his phone number. The text message she sent said “What would you like to know?”)

The following interaction ensues:

Her Iphone chimes that a test message has come. While still sucking his cock she looks at her phone and the message says, “Do you allow rimming?

Melissa: (Still sucking Fontleroy-Jones texts) You can lick my arse and swallow my shit!
Higginbottom: ( texts) Great. I love the taste of shit. When can we meet?
Melissa: (Sucking Fontleroy-Jones texts) When I blow off the current dumb arsed Bozo’s dick.
Higginbottom: (texts) Great. Wait to hear from you.
Fontleroy-Jones: What did you text?
Melissa: I told my sister you are handsome and intelligent.
Fontleroy-Jones: Really?
Melissa; What do you think? Do you think I called you a dumb arsed Bozo or something?
Fontleroy-Jones: Not really.
Melissa: Good

At the end of the session Ms Milano asked for some feedback.

Fontleroy-Jones: Outside of the 12 interruptions in the hour it was not too bad.
Melissa: Fantastic.
Fontleroy-Jones: Next time can I have a 4 minutes session? That way no interruptions.
Melissa: That will cost you $35.
Fontleroy-Jones: It will be worth it to have the whole time to myself.

So there you have it folks. See Melissa , Milano, but know that she has to check Cracker on her phone every 5 minutes.

Steven

Yes, hard to believe she can always respond within 5 minutes!

[Steven Seagal]

Howdy Everyone,

This material is not from Cracker, but is featured every day in the Daily Telegraph.

In the Health Beauty & Fitness section the following disclaimer appears. (Note: The capitalization and bold face are as they appear in the heading to the section.)

ATTENTION
This section is for therapeutic and remedial massage ONLY!
Strictly Non-Sexual
If you are seeking adult services
Please refer to
Adult Services section.

A cursory examination of the places referred to reveal almost all to be rub and tug joints. I guess, according to the Daily Telegraph, that a handjob is something strictly non-sexual. (Note to Seagal: I have had a few that seemed that way when my wee-wee did not respond.)

Further, others such as Billy’s at 143 Marrickville Rd. , have a brothel license.

While we’re on the subject of Billy’s, his ad reads at the start:

“18-20 Nurses at Marrickville”

Folks the only ‘nursing’ that goes on around there is the ladies ‘nursing ‘a cock into an erection with their hands, lips or pussies.

It’s a crazy world and a later review of mine of Yoko’s will prove that to be the case.

Steven

[Max Impact]

I hope your wee-wee responds at Yoko's, Steven!

[Steven Seagal]

Thanks Max.

[Aimyy22]

Suppose Brian Milano has reserved a period with young prat Winifred Fontleroy-Jones. He comes on time for his one hour period dressed in his British tweed smoking coat with set areas on the elbows