Arranged Marriage and family won't accept we don't children

We had an arranged marriage (Indian and I’m 34 and my wife is 30), and by some stroke of luck, we found ourselves quite compatible and comfortable with each other. We’ve built a happy life together. We are both financially secure, but we don’t have anything to spare either. We are just comfortable. After serious consideration, we concluded that we are not interested in having kids, and our financial situation currently suits that decision. Seven years into our relationship, we have never felt the need to reconsider this choice. If we ever decide we want children and are in a position to raise one, we can adopt if having a biological child is impossible.

However, my parents ( who were toxic my entire life) cannot accept this. I have always told them that we are not trying for kids, never lying to them. If you don’t know Indian parents…they are so controlling. Recently, they consulted an astrologer ( I know its terrible)who told them that my wife horoscope indicates she cannot have children, and everything exploded from there. My father called me and unleashed a series of insults, calling me names and labelling my wife a manipulator. Called me an educated fool for not continuing my blood line. I probably shouldn’t repeat everything he said. I tried to calmly explain our decision, but when they didn’t understand, I got angry and ended the call. I know this probably won’t be the end of it.. Next will be emotional manipulation. Crying and crying and what not!! I am dreading it so bad..

It took me a long time to recover from the effects of manipulation and gaslighting they have done their entire life .

Don't know why this is on here, but I'm ok with it.
I'm Aussie and I respect Indians, hard working, do the jobs Aussies refuse to do.
You are in a state of cultural change. Indian cultural values and the Aussie way. You need to adapt to the culture of your adopted country, and you are doing the right thing at the moment. Good on you. Your parents will adapt too, eventually.

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Originally Posted by harry444

Don't know why this is on here, but I'm ok with it.
I'm Aussie and I respect Indians, hard working, do the jobs Aussies refuse to do.
You are in a state of cultural change. Indian cultural values and the Aussie way. You need to adapt to the culture of your adopted country, and you are doing the right thing at the moment. Good on you. Your parents will adapt too, eventually.

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Wish it was that easy…Indian community is harsh on children who ignore their parents, no matter how toxic they are. But I’m really trying .
My parents have made me self doubt everything and trashed my confidence my whole life. I am not ready to throw my progress l away but I still feel like shit for making them sad ..which is stupid..but I do for some reason.
This is my parents..My in laws did put up a fight but after a lengthy discussion they accepted the decision.

So have you had any good tug experiences you can share?

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Originally Posted by jackdaniels

So have you had any good tug experiences you can share?

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The closest i have been to a Massage RNT is a Yoga studio .
My wife only taught at one place. The job was so demoralizing. I don't know if it' the
studio's vibe, the general clientele ( at this specific studio it's a rich people space who are aspirational city types), or
if it's teaching Yoga in itself. Maybe she will start feeling differently
about teaching if she moved onto another studio. She is currently applying to other studios to see if it makes a difference.
Its her passion it really not mine . I don't care about fitness in itself, I see it as means to achieve something else.
She started teaching Yoga because she thought she could bring it back to my own specific community of underserved
and disenfranchised people and wanted to make it more accessible to us, a lot of people are physically broken
and poor and injured. She has already have passive income that can keep her financially stable.
This her charity and giving back to the community .

This is developing into a TV soap opera.
I have a son that I haven't seen for 5 years. It doesn't really bother except maybe times like fathers day. But I find it no big deal. The image you describe of Indian parents, I find disgusting. If it were me, I would just walk away. Hard for you, I know, but needs to be done.

It seems i am stuck in a loveless marriage and having sleepless nights .
I found out that she has been trashing me to her friends and making me out to be some monster .
She has been saying i have
1. A hatred towards our dogs as I'm jealous of the affection she gives them ( i was bitten by
dog as child she knows that )
2. Am nosey and always checking up on her ( She know i have allergies and diabetes
and have dietary requirements when preparing meals )
3. Have erectile dysfunction ( She agreed with me we don't want kids )
4. Continuously grumpy ( stressful job and driving Uber weekends )
5. Wouldn't pay for her beauty treatment ( i am not paying for botox )
6. Chat up the divorcee's around our neighbourhood ( no need to be jealous as they are just clingy for attention )
7. Don't pay for her to have holidays and many others. ( i don't like cruises )
I have reservations about who i married a i have suspicions who has been influencing her .

What she has been saying is all completely at odds with the conversations we had.
The stress has accelerated my balding and turning my remaining hair grey .
I don't want to go and disprove all these things to strangers, as all hell
would break loose if my parents or relatives found out .
But I'm utterly confused about who I've been married to for the past 7 years.
I know she has been listening to those plastic wannabe Bollywood House
Wives from the Pilates Studio .

These last 7 yrs were the best part of my life, and now it seems like I was living in a deceit web
of lies . Where I thought everything was OK but behind the scenes was a different story.
Its made make extremely sad .
Is this a normal woman thing, to completely trash one's husband to all and sundry whilst
being loving and tender to his face?
And why don't her friends tell her to get real, that she's well loved and looked after? instead of just agreeing ?
What she said about me is unforgiveable .

For sake of my sanity i confronted my wife with the facts .
She denied at first but when i would tell her parents she broke down ,
She told me schizophrenia and OCD runs in her family and she has a brother i have never met .
She told me she did reveal him because of his mental condition because afraid i would be scared away ,
She told the real reason she doesn't want children as she was afraid they could inherit the condition,
She told ,me who parents were mentally abusive to her during childhood and don't deserve grandchildren.

Unfortunately the damage done to people when young is hard to undo, seems to apply to you both.

For both of your sakes, you need to have each others backs from here on.

I think my wife has an undiagnosed bipolar disorder . I'm not sure though because it has only came out when
she drank heavily which has started this ordeal has worsened. I know she has suffered badly since a child and
still today because of them.
But she must understand I have been working so hard nonstop my whole life , sometimes i thought
I was one of the hardest worker on earth.
Only to mostly suffer and hang on the edge and be treated badly. I am now finally tired for the first time in my life.
I honestly have literally functioned like an Olympian in many ways and beyond despite everything my whole life.
My mind cannot any longer
roll on this robotic meaningless suffrage hamster wheel of hell any longer. I can no live a happy life smelling the roses
and pretending everything is sweet .

I have become obese since this ordeal and has put on over 15kgs . I don't usually take stress about my mental health but I am Indian in our culture we don't take mental health issues seriously . One of aunties from the side of my in laws came to my house and she calls herself psychic and stuff and she told me that because i am so obese you have two marriages written in your horoscope I see that i will have a heart attack or get Diabetes because of the weight issues.
This triggered me a lot and created a health anxiety in me. I have started panicking about any small thing that happens to me and I check my stool and urine every time I pee and go to use washroom and start panicking and google stuff and I know that's the worst mistake because any symptom you mention is a part of cancer symptom.
This has created a deep cancer scare in my heart and I keep feeling that I have some major issues but My reports and Is normal.
It has started to a point where I have started experiencing imaginary pains in my lower abdomen I have gotten my self checked I have everything absolutely alright. All the reports and everything is absolutely normal but there are times whenever I am alone I go through this trauma where I start finding different things abnormal about me and then googling those things and worrying about it for an infinite time .

Do you go punting?

I think you need some hobbies that will keep you busy away from home... keep your mind off the rubbish

My wife tried to initiate sex to try and rekindle the flame . Recently my she came home for the day
after being out of the house all morning .
She'd been teaching lessons at that bloody Pilates Studio so she was quite hot and sweaty.
The odour of sweat was very apparent. She started to initiate sex when she got back and
then asked me to go down on her and perform oral sex. I said I would but asked if she could get into
the shower first as she was sweaty ad the odour of sweat would make it unpleasant for me.
She got annoyed and accused me of not liking how she smells down there and of saying she has a bad odour.
I clarified that that's not what I was saying, I was just pointing out she's been out all morning and is sweaty.
It's nothing to do with how she smells normally, it's the smell. of sweat.
She just said she wasn't in the mood anymore and went into the bedroom. She later said I was wrong for making her self conscious.
But I just pointed out I've already explained why I asked her to shower first and she's refusing to
actually listen but she just repeated again that I clearly didn't like how she smells and think she smells bad down there .

Mate the smarter approach would have been to lead her into the shower and shower together to "get you in the mood" while you play around in the shower together.

I understand where you are coming from but to her it would feel like rejection / aversion.

Think less, act more.

You have no kids and I don't know your financial position, but divorce was one of the best things I did. Then get your body and mind back in the right place.

I haven't entirely told the truth and I am guilty of going to a at a strip joint , After heavy drinking i tried to get a blow job from a Aussie Blonde Stripper ( paid of course ) but i couldn't get it up and passed out.
My wife found out ( suspect it was brother in law who snitched ) and she was furious is a understatement and banned me from strip joints .
Recently after heavy drinking session i passed out and it turns out i left my computer on and it seems my Instagram account. Also she found some tissues and turns i had been masturbating to the stripper and i had followed her and she had followed me back She was furious and sent a PM to the stripper and my wife must have spooked her as she now blocked me . My wife can be real tiger because it seems have been suspended from IG and i am too afraid to confront her of what PM she sent as she before threatened me if ever cheat on her or leave she will cut my penis off .

Where the body goes, the mind follows.

You said you have become obese, above you said you couldn't get it up, you mentioned you've been gaslit by your parents and they have destroyed your confidence.

Well, you need to address improving yourself and building yourself back up, and it starts with your physical health. Eat whole unprocessed foods, especially meat, eggs, fish and vegetables. Cut sugar, grains, highly processed foods and alcohol. Lift weights, or do push ups and other body weight exercises. Go for walks and add in occasional run intervals. Your blood pressure will improve, your weight will improve, your fitness will improve, then your mood will improve.

Right now you overthinking. And as a result, self medicating, which is actually a doom loop vicious spiral because that effects your physical health, which reinforces the negative mood.

We only get one life and it doesn't last forever. Make your best go of it.