21M Virgin - First time advice needed (Zero experience)

Hey everyone,

I am here looking for some genuine advice.

I'm 21, male, a virgin, extremely introvert, absolutely zero experience in the sexual department. Lately, I've been feeling my sex drive pretty strongly and feel like it's time to change that, but honestly, I have no clue where to start. Actually, I have never touched women.

I was thinking of trying a massage first. Not for sex, just to get more comfortable with physical touch and intimacy in a relaxed setting. Kinda like a 'warm-up' before the main event.

And full disclosure: I've got a bit of a foot fetish. Is that something I should even bring up, especially for a first time? And if so, when and how do you even mention something like that without making things awkward?

I do masturbate fairly often. If I'm planning on actually getting intimate for the first time, should I stay away from masturbating and watching porn for a few days beforehand?

Anyway, really open to all kinds of advice here.

Thanks a bunch in advance!

You are gonna cum super quick if you're pent up your first time. I would actually jerk off beforehand so it lasts longer. If you like feet, Sophia at Renwick Massage uses them.

But honestly man you're young, reconsider if this is for you. It gets addictive and it changes your perception of sex and also costs more than you are likely to be able to afford at your age if you want to make a habit of it. At least wait until you have a frigid wife who doesn't meet your needs or something.

Massage is only a gateway drug for the full service experience.
Save yourself the hassle and go all the way.
For your first experience you will either love it or hate it which will determine the start or the end of your punting journey. Head over to Ginza they will look after you. See if there is a first timer incentive

You are way too young to be contemplating this. My advice is to learn to control your urges and channel them into something useful like work, study, hobbies or making the world a better place.

We are all here for our own reasons. You are not yet in that situation. You are young. You can still change.

No woman dreams of working in a brothel. No man wants to pay for sex if he can help it. Choose wisely. Take care.

Give it a try. Pay for sex but do NOT fall in love.
That is your biggest risk.

It’s a business deal. You give cash and within 60 minutes or less you get your rocks off and never think about it again.

As yunglean pointed out- you're still young. I'd recommend against paying for sex and wait for the right girl to come along for it to happen naturally. Spend the time and money on working on yourself instead. Play sport, study, hit the gym, learn a language, work on your career, etc.

However, to answer your questions:

1. Foot fetish: If you are with a sex provider, you can ask plainly about what you want. Be specific. As far as fetishes go, that one is pretty tame. I don't know how common it is, but over the years I have met at least one girl who asked me to suck her toes, another girl who sucked my toes without me asking, and another girl who performed a foot job without me asking. Girls who have seen over 1000 guys aren't uncommon in their business, so if a fetish is only 1% of the population, they've already seen it 10 times. I think foot fetish is a lot more common than that.

2. Masturbation: Everyone is different. At your age, you probably won't have any issues even if you have a wank the same day. When you get into your mid thirties, it might be a good idea to not have a wank less than 24 hours before a punt. Who knows, everyone will have their own experience. As for porn, the less of it you consume the better for your mental health. Think of it like junk food.

3. A massage is a really good option rather than going to a full service establishment. You still get to spend time alone with a girl, and sometimes it might even lead to something happening (way less forced than in a brothel).

Thank you all for your suggestions and words of caution.

To clarify, I do have my own hobbies, my academic performance at university is excellent, I think, and I have clear plans for my future career.

The core of my challenge is that I've had a naturally strong sex drive since puberty, and recently, I've found it to be quite distracting and somewhat disruptive to my daily life and focus.

Adding to this, after being deceived by a female classmate last year, I became completely disillusioned with romantic relationships and have no desire to pursue them. This disinterest, combined with the other challenge, is likely why I sought advice here.

I am highly focused on my academic and professional future, and I am consistently working on self-improvement. It's truly only in the romantic sphere that I have no interest whatsoever.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Daysgone

As yunglean pointed out- you're still young. I'd recommend against paying for sex and wait for the right girl to come along for it to happen naturally. Spend the time and money on working on yourself instead. Play sport, study, hit the gym, learn a language, work on your career, etc.

However, to answer your questions:

1. Foot fetish: If you are with a sex provider, you can ask plainly about what you want. Be specific. As far as fetishes go, that one is pretty tame. I don't know how common it is, but over the years I have met at least one girl who asked me to suck her toes, another girl who sucked my toes without me asking, and another girl who performed a foot job without me asking. Girls who have seen over 1000 guys aren't uncommon in their business, so if a fetish is only 1% of the population, they've already seen it 10 times. I think foot fetish is a lot more common than that.

2. Masturbation: Everyone is different. At your age, you probably won't have any issues even if you have a wank the same day. When you get into your mid thirties, it might be a good idea to not have a wank less than 24 hours before a punt. Who knows, everyone will have their own experience. As for porn, the less of it you consume the better for your mental health. Think of it like junk food.

3. A massage is a really good option rather than going to a full service establishment. You still get to spend time alone with a girl, and sometimes it might even lead to something happening (way less forced than in a brothel).

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Thank you very much for your genuine advice! I've been giving this a lot of thought, and I've figured out my next steps.

You're right, actually, everything else is pretty much on track for me – my studies are going well, my physical health is fine, etc. It's really just the 'desires' part that's been a bit of a distraction.

My plan is to gradually start cutting back on porn. And this is something I'm going to work on, regardless of whether I decide to look into any services or not."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jasmine_07

Thank you all for your suggestions and words of caution.

To clarify, I do have my own hobbies, my academic performance at university is excellent, I think, and I have clear plans for my future career.

The core of my challenge is that I've had a naturally strong sex drive since puberty, and recently, I've found it to be quite distracting and somewhat disruptive to my daily life and focus.

Adding to this, after being deceived by a female classmate last year, I became completely disillusioned with romantic relationships and have no desire to pursue them. This disinterest, combined with the other challenge, is likely why I sought advice here.

I am highly focused on my academic and professional future, and I am consistently working on self-improvement. It's truly only in the romantic sphere that I have no interest whatsoever.

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All men have strong sex drives. You aren't unique in this respect.

This is a pivotal time in your life where you either learn to control your urges or let them control you. It is not an exaggeration to say how you choose to react to this may come to define the course of your life.

You are going to be deceived by people in your life. Some of those people may be women you are romantically interested in.

Rejection hurts but it doesn't have to lead to you being "completely disillusioned" in all relationships.

My advice is to find someone you can vent to about this, learn from the experience and move on.

None of this necessarily leads to paying for sex. But if you indulge this course of action it will eventually seem that way.

I’m new to this forum, and it keeps getting better — like a Thai joint that doesn’t advertise but somehow everyone knows the pad see ew slaps.

Alright, 21-year-old virgin, first off — props for coming in here with humility and honesty. Takes balls to ask the question without the usual fake bravado or Reddit incel energy. That alone tells me you’re gonna be alright.

Here’s the real talk:
1. Massage First? Smart Move.
Think of it like testing the waters before diving into the deep end filled with sharks, krill, and blokes yelling about “Ginza girls being past their prime.” RnT is a good gateway because it’s about touch without the full-blown transactional script of a brothel. Plus, if you go to the right place (and girl), she’ll guide you through the experience and make you feel human — not like a walking wallet with a woody.
2. Your Foot Fetish?
Mate, you’re not a freak. You’re just part of a global subculture with excellent marketing (see: OnlyFans, TikTok, Quentin Tarantino). Just be polite. Don’t bring it up like a creep — ease into it like: “Hey, I’ve got a soft spot for feet, would you be open to a little attention there?” You’d be surprised how many girls are chill with it, especially in the RnT world where it’s considered entry-level kink.
3. Masturbation Beforehand?
100% yes. Unless you wanna bust in 23 seconds and end up crying in your jeans wondering where your dignity went. Clear the pipes, calm the nerves. Think of it like stretching before leg day — not mandatory, but highly recommended if you don’t want to pull a muscle.
4. The Bigger Picture.
Some folks here are saying “don’t do it,” “wait for love,” “build a legacy,” and all that jazz. Respectfully — do both. You can smash your career goals and still want to smash. Just don’t lose your soul in the process. Set your boundaries, stay grounded, and never—never—confuse affection with affection-for-hire.

Last thing — don’t chase the “Pretty Woman moment.” That was Hollywood. This is Parramatta Road.

Good luck, legend. Walk in with your eyes open, your expectations low, and your wallet secure. And whatever happens, don’t let this place become your second home. One visit at a time.

Cheers,
sfornication

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fixatedperson

All men have strong sex drives. You aren't unique in this respect.

This is a pivotal time in your life where you either learn to control your urges or let them control you. It is not an exaggeration to say how you choose to react to this may come to define the course of your life.

You are going to be deceived by people in your life. Some of those people may be women you are romantically interested in.

Rejection hurts but it doesn't have to lead to you being "completely disillusioned" in all relationships.

My advice is to find someone you can vent to about this, learn from the experience and move on.

None of this necessarily leads to paying for sex. But if you indulge this course of action it will eventually seem that way.

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This is the best advice you'll ever get. If you open this can of worms, you'll end up regretting it. Don't seek advice or approval here.

I'm not convinced on the legitimacy of the OP in the first place.

All good helpful answers!

80% of guys who pay for sex are in some sort of sexually bad relationship.

Don’t jump the queue, everyone deserves to be morbidly unhappy at least once in their lives. Go find a woman, wait till she becomes fat frumpy obtuse opinionated sexually unattractive and doesn’t want sex then realise that you’re stuck with her and only then start punting.

At least you’ll know there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if all she can say is “love you long time”!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by justincase

All good helpful answers!

80% of guys who pay for sex are in some sort of sexually bad relationship.

Don’t jump the queue, everyone deserves to be morbidly unhappy at least once in their lives. Go find a woman, wait till she becomes fat frumpy obtuse opinionated sexually unattractive and doesn’t want sex then realise that you’re stuck with her and only then start punting.

At least you’ll know there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if all she can say is “love you long time”!

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This is the way, don’t skip the relationship-beginnings sex, I don’t think any WL can top this up, but be warned that stage eventually ends and then you slowly enter the scenario described by justincase.

Someone once said “life isn’t meant to be easy” and Jasmine_07 wants his pussy and he wants to eat it too. Just because he has got his hands on some filthy lucre doesn’t mean he gets to first base so easily.

He hasn’t earnt his stripes, where’s the financial hardship? Where’s the arguments? Where’s the badly cooked cold meals? Where’s the dirty laundry? Where’s the sponging relatives that you married into?

I bet he even lives at home ffs!

These young people want things handed to them on a platter and even advice freely given to them on a forum!

I feel sure 11Bravo would have something to say if he were around…

Thanks everyone for all the advice - both the answers to my question and the suggestions to maybe not do it.

Honestly, what I don't get are some of the really mean or snarky comments. Just so you know, I work part-time, and my scholarship takes care of a good chunk of tuition, so yeah, I've got my own money coming in. My situation is exactly what I said, and everything else in my life is actually going great.

I just wanted some advice, that's it.

As a late bloomer myself (I was a virgin longer than you) I would suggest that you NOT punt as your first go. It does suck to go without, and it does seem impossible sometimes. But good things happen when you least expect sometimes. And you really don't want to set those pathways in your brain to be "3 pineapples to pussy" for the rest of your life.

You'll do plenty of fucking for cash later on, believe me, lol. But spend these younger years doing it the usual way as much as possible.

Yup, don't go trust me, but you won't listen anyway.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by andrewv

Give it a try. Pay for sex but do NOT fall in love.
That is your biggest risk.

It’s a business deal. You give cash and within 60 minutes or less you get your rocks off and never think about it again.

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This. As great as the don't do it advice are, its better to just get this out of the system at least once so to speak.