Chinese Massage : Mt Druitt
Hi All,
Chinese Massage
2/7 Cleeve Close
Mt Druitt (Sorry folks I was too frightened to get the phone number!)
This is a review about Sophie.
It was with much trepidation that I and my nephew Efrem Zimbalist Farquar entered the world that is Mt Druitt.
If this is God’s country I am in big trouble when I arrive at that other joint that fear prevents me from writing or thinking about. I worry and suspect that hell will be the final destination in my life’s journey and the end point of my eternal itinerary.
We parked not far from Mt Druitt station in front of a house with a big African woman in her front yard who would scare the likes of Mike Tyson out of town. Running around the yard was her little boy, naked as a jay-bird, with his butt exposed and tiny tee-tee flapping in the breeze.
I could see Farquar was nervous and the following conversation ensued:
Steven: You look like a guy who fears someone will take a hammer to his ute while he’s away.
Farquar: Yep. That’s it. I can visualize it turning into scrap iron.
Steven: Don’t worry. All is well. (I don’t believe a word I am saying.)
Farquar: Yeah and when that ute becomes a pile of shit YOU won’t have to explain it to anyone.
Anyway, we made our way into downtown Mt. Druitt. Folks, if they ever want to hold the 1st International White Trash Convention this is the place to do it. If you think white people are the master race just go here and your ideology will require a profound revision.
The blokes in this part of the world seem split into two groups. The first group looks like they just escaped from the detox centre and forgot to take their methadone with them. The second lot looked like they were on their way to the cop shop to ’assist the police with their enquiries’. If this was in the US they’d all have their names and photos in the post office as being ‘Most Wanted’. The chief occupation of both these two lots of stooges seems to be mooching ‘spare change’ from terrified characters like me a Farquar.
Likewise, the ladies are not a pretty picture. Most seemed to be pushing prams with cigarettes dangling from their lips and ice creams melting in one of their mitts. They looked about 30 kilos overweight and enormous pot bellies seemed the contemporary fashion statement in this neck of the woods. They all seemed to have a big brood with them and the message was “Hey, ain’t I smart having 8 kids before I was 18?”
Finally, everybody seemed to have at least one front tooth missing.
We finally found the place and Farquar still had that ‘my ute’s being fucked up’ look.
We made our way up a flight of stairs, past a solicitor’s office, and knocked on the door of this place. From behind the door I could hear the sound of a couple of locks being turned and the door opened to a crack and the words “ What do you want?” and Farquar saying, “A massage”.
Once inside I saw the place wasn’t too bad. There were a few wet spots on the ceiling where some water damage had occurred, but it was clean and smelled ok.
The ml who opened the door seemed shocked, surprised and generally pleased to see us. I believe that she was shocked because we were unlike any Caucs she had ever seen in that area.
What made us different? Well, we had the following characteristics that are alien for this locale. They were:
• We had all our teeth.
• We were not covered in tattoos.
• We did not have cigarettes dangling from our lips.
• We could say a sentence that did NOT have the word ‘fuck’ in it.
• We knew how to say please and thank you appropriately.
• We had obviously had a shower or bath at some stage.
• We did not ask for Centrelink recipient discounts.
• We had money.
I let Farquar have first choice and he took the lady who opened the door. I think she was the owner and her name was Feng. I had to wait for mine to be available in about 5 min.
When she did arrive I saw she was not as cute as Feng. She looked mid 30’s, plain face, slim, probably A+ cups.
She led me into the room and while it was Spartan, t appeared clean. As I undressed the following conversation ensued:
Steven: Hi, I am Steven and what is your name?
Sophie: Sophie. You like hard massage?
Steven: Medium
Sophie: Hard massage?
Steven: Medium
Sophie: You want hard?
Steven: Yes hard.
Sophie: Good
Needless to say, we did not discuss the stock market or what Descartes really meant when he said “I think, therefore I am” (Was it actually Emmanuel Kant that uttered that phrase?)
Sophie was nice. I couldn’t understand a single word she said, but did enjoy listening to her say them.
At roll over time I negotiated ‘extras’ that you can discuss with her if you ever seen her.
She was nice. She seems to work in parlours all over the place and knows her way around a man’s body when she want to. I think she would get better each time you see her and I feel she is not used to men being very polite or gentle with her and responded well to my treating her with respect.
After we finished Farquar wanted to sprint back to his ute and yes he found it in one piece.
Farewell Mt Druitt Farewell white trash and farewell sweet Sophie..
Steven
