Barryboofheads week on the punt.

Good evening Gentlemen, long time viewer - infrequent punter/poster - I did post last year re my ill-fated venture on the Gold Coast.

I've just returned from a week long business trip in Sydney where I decided to have a bit of a lash out and ended up going absolutely nuts and thought I'd like to share the experience as it was a rip roaring success and to return the favour to all the brothers who post on here and that got me motivated.

Anyway it started with an agency outcall to a hotel and ended up with a rather delightful r&t at Bliss on Crown - in between this there was two nights of a private outcall followed up with an all night double then a savage r&t at Sirs then Bliss then back to two nights with the regular GF.

Total damage over 9 nights was - six girls; six nationalities; brunette, blonde, auburn and a redhead; brazilian through to natural and four large poorer.

Worth every cent and I hope to go down in funeral parlour folklore as The Case of the Smiling Stiff Part 2.

This will have to be in instalments but as you may have guessed it's something I need to shout from a rooftop somewhere and the neighbours around my place may not like what they're about to hear.

I only have a few close friends I tell this to (and they're sick of hearing about it) so I'll get it under way asap...

OK - so first night I'm in the city at the hotel and first night I've ever done this out call style - damn this will be a bit of stream of consciousness (it all actually started with a lapdance in a gentlemens club that afternoon) and I had been planning this for while so as I had no laptop or fancyfone with me I went to reception and said I need to use the "Business Centre".

Typical dodgy five star joint where you have to pay for everything but I managed to bludge eight free minutes - bugger the fact I'm about to blow four grand on hookers - I've got my standards here - so off I go and plant myself in a nice comfy chair to search the website I had checked before leaving home.

Pen and paper out and I'm trying to log on to peruse the ladies and the fucking desk boy dude (checking if I can swear here) sneaks up behind me and says "Sorry sir, the business centre is in there". At this point I instantly went soft and my sphincter snapped shut as I realised I was sitting at the fucking "Guest Relations" desk which is down the back of the lobby next to the door of the business centre.

Anyway five star = soft pillows + gown which in turn = discretion and I'm just being paranoid and I'm off to the "Business Centre" to quickly categorise the ladies on offer into either 1) Yes; 2) Maybe and 3) No fucking way I'll have a wank watching a B-Grade inhouse movie.

Turns out my four "Yes's" are not there and so I enter the mysterious netherworld of the hooker and all it's pseudonyms, imaginary second careers and Jimmy Choo shoes.

Sir, what happened next??

After Bla Bla,...for 2 pages
And then the story end up with last words a Name of a Shoes.... **Jimmy Choo Shoes**

Sorry about that Cisco - you can just fast forward to the bit where I give them money and they show me their rude bits...

Anyway as this is first time outcall and I'm getting the feeling I'm being dicked around I just said send the Italian looking one with the C-cups I've got the five hun cash ready.

Half an hour later the knock at the door reveals a rather cute twenty or so year old size ten not too toned obviously nervous hooker.

Sat her down for a chat - at this stage I was in no rush for anything - being inexperienced at this gig - and had told myself I would settle for a massage and a hand job at the least.

Told me she had just done a runner from the previous job when the punter creeped her out - this was her ninth time - glad she's keeping count. Talk about her home town and how she wants to be an actress had a bit part in a dodgy soap and it's all very nice but where do I start.

Well thanks to this very forum I'd done my homework and said how about a massage I'll have a shower and you chuck on one of the hotel bathrobes. Perfect.

To cut an hour story short she had nice tits, the massage was crap but it did feel good to have my dicked wrenched around by someone who had basically no idea what they were doing. I asked her if she ever came on the job (this will later go down as the stupidest question ever) and she said she had never actually orgasmed except maybe once doing situps.

By now I'd given up on porking her and time is running out so keep going with the polish but turn around so I can see your pussy and I just let it rip - easy go, easy come...

Agency rings the room at 8.30am the next morning and asked how it went and do I want another punt to start the day. Thanks but no thanks.

Next day I catch up with an old mate and tell him about last night and how I'm cutting loose for the week as it coincides with a milestone birthday and how it was a bit of a fizzer. Well slap me with a flaccid fuckstick - I never picked him for a punter - he goes "Maaaaate" sends a text or three and next thing I'm lined up for tonight at nine. Five hun for the hour again.

Knock at the door that night reveals the most drop dead gorgeous five foot-ten small b-cup brunette. Dead set model material short tight dress tit's looked bigger than they were but I've never been a big tit man so happy days. I'm speechless.

Sit down for a chat - juice from the mini-bar for her - necking Bourbon pre-mixes for me - not that I'm nervous - and we hit it off ok so being the old hand I say I'll take a shower here's a hotel bathrobe for you.

Well I come out and it's bugger the bathrobe for her - just tasteful knickers and bra on a body that I would call a bit thin but was nonetheless shall we say erection inspiring. Awesome even.

I'll have to admit to being nervous and between bits of schoolboy jibberish just telling myself to man the fuck up you're not here for a haircut.

I'm face down on the bed and she sits on my bum and gives me a massage.

Hmmm; massage. Best. Massage. Ever.

Talk about stuff - she's Anglo but not from Australia - been here a few months.. Good looking, cool, funny. Can this get any better?

Insert "Shocked" emoticon here...

Turn over for some DFK (see I'm even learning the lingo) and kissing those amazing small tight boobs and she slides down for some BBBJ and while I'm thinking I might have actually been hit by a bus today and gone to heaven she said to me I want you to come on my face.

Now; I'm fifty years young and have slept with over thirty women ( and paid for at this stage around six) and no one has ever requested that service of me.

I said no way - you're too beautiful and she said "Fuck yeh, it's like a porno"

So I change the subject whilst keeping this handy piece of information in the back of my head and ask her how she likes "It"

Missionary thanks and I think damn you can't have everything while she slips on the protection and hops on top before I perform my patented manouvre of one hand behind the head and the other around the hip and throw her onto her back for a thorough rogering.

I'm going hammer and tongs while keeping an eye on the bedside clock and there doesn't seem to be any urgency so I let that one ride and after a while decide I would like the finale to be a hand job as I've always been a big fan of the money shot so I'm back on my back and she rips the 'dom off and finishes me off with some lube while giggling "Look at your big fat cock" Now I make no claims to John Holmes status - barely seven inches - but it shows just how much fun this goddess was...

TBC

Anyway that all went for about an hour and a half so I'm a happy man - nice long kiss and she's off with a promise I'll text tomorrow for the action replay.

Rocks up the next evening looking hotter than hell - exchanged a few texts during the day confirming and it's another five hun and whatever and telling me she's bought new undies - so we sit down for a chat and I'm just mesmerised by this spunky funny horny babe.

Off for my shower then the massage - she's damn good at that and those new knickers are so fine I want to leave them on her. For now. Somewhere in the milieu last night she came but tonight I wanted to do her slowly and take it all in.

We lay down face to face kissing and I told her I wanted to feel her come and some rubbish about how she couldn't fake it so it's the nice arm around the neck and the slow clit massage with the lube - man was she a squirmer - did I mention the Brazilian wax - not my preference but whoah great for the bring to the brink and slow tease back to the goal posts.

So she lets it rip then quick rubber up and she's on top for the pussy pubic bone grind - it's like that clit's the pestle and I'm the mortar - should have thrown a few cardoman pods in there while she was at it. Being the gentleman I am throw her over the missionary thumping as requested previously and get a nice rhythm going.

Once again I'm not quite ready to unload - have to admit to nerves still - crazy I know - so when she's spent it's nude back up the old fella and she's on the hand job for the big finish.

Lying down having a nice cuddle and feel and she drops the bombshell - no gents, she's not a ladyboy - her "friend" is visiting from interstate in two days time and would I like to join them for some "fun" ?

Thank Dog "Friend" is a girl and is a blonde from western Europe and I'm assured she is "hot".

Cut to the chase and I'm going yeh but no but maybe when where how much what the fuck is going on what exactly is "fun" and she just says - "I want you to fuck me while I lick her pussy"

Brothers, I'd waited fifty years to hear that line and I wasn't about to let it pass...

I waited years to hear (in the US) "You're not a cop, are you?".

I don't think you've lived until you've heard that.