Originally Posted by
11Bravo
Just ask the girl to make you a "popsicle" - have her stick her finger up your ass. Any other thoughts will disappear, or so I'm told.
But really, WTF? I guess I can see if you're a minor, you might be worried about getting caught. Or if she is... But it's a business, not f*cking prom night; you don't have to pin a corsage to her chest. What do you think might happen? She runs out of the room screaming, "Oh my God, Oh my God, he's {fill in the blank)". It's binary: she says yes or no, and you accept that. You pay, have some form of mutually agreed upon sex.
Don't worry, she's seen it all (well, if your head starts doing 360's around your body, she might leave the room rather quickly, screaming. But in that case, she is the LEAST of your worries...) And don't worry, she WILL tell everyone else about your little problem... Just walk by their waiting room and listen to all the chatter and giggles... what do YOU think they're busy talking and texting about? Some sizes/actions/non-actions just HAVE TO BE SHARED...
For certain, avoid the shops with crowds in front, holding torches and pitchforks... (check for a back entrance). Yes, I'm a bit shy about entry... but running, dodging, etc., just draws attention to yourself. Hate to tell you, but no one really cares about what you're doing unless YOU draw attention to yourself. (Actually, slip on a filthy overcoat, muss up your hair, and mumble nonsense to yourself and see how many eyes AVOID you (also works great getting into crowded stadiums, Moses and the Red Sea)). Just bag the coat, comb the hair in the shop's foyer. If it's crowded, just point up in the sky and yell "Oh my God", then run in when everyone else is looking up. Or buy a UPS or FedEx delivery uniform, slip that on, empty box, and Bob's your uncle. Or, for 999.99, you too can own an invisibility cloak for entry and exit. Trouble with that is, sometimes it stays on when you're looking for a girl, so you're ignored... (I understand the upgraded model has fixed the problem - beta testers wanted, and yes, there is a problem of high voltage electrocution, but then again, your anxiety is solved (in a flash)).
What you DO have to worry about is leaving... Just make sure you are well-grounded, because GOD will try to strike you down with a lightning bolt for your wickedness (Old Testament there). Random zig-zag pattern run is best; God's fair, he doesn't cheat by using his "all knowing" ability. And for certain, don't look back at the shop, else it's pillar of salt time (hard to explain to your family, boss, etc., and hope like hell it's not raining...) Or else, on leaving, just outside the door, on the sidewalk, say loudly, "OH my GOD, what kind of a shop is that?!?", then quote random scripture... Or yell, "That is not Jehovah's way", or use the ole black suit, white shirt buttoned up to the top, tie, saying, "I don't think they've accepted the Lord"...
Seriously, YOU are YOUR OWN worst enemy. Ask yourself, what are you anxious about? Being seen? Be discreet. Non-performance? She DOESN'T care. The chef wants you to enjoy your meal so you come back, but he doesn't care if you clean the plate. OK, if you puke all over the table, that IS a problem, but let's be honest, you're not coming back anyway.