Chronic lonliness exhausting all outlets combined with mistrust of society combined with the anticipation of work and visualising on my future of which is one of unfulfilled dreams.
I have nothing left. Nothing gives me a satisfying distraction. I am left but a never ending to do list and I have completed all the ones that are both important but doesn't intimidate me and I am now left with only the ones that do intimidate me. I will do them soon though. I have nothing left to be doing otherwise.
I was going to get a haircut but I was late so that one distraction I didn't achieve in order to give me a sense of accomplishment to keep the anxiety at bay. Maybe I can go wash my car I guess but honestly there's no logic behind that action rn. I'll probably go shower then start the first dreaded task of organising my living room.
Kind of but rly not rly wanting to punt just to distract myself but my brain engages in this thing where its realising the absurd amount of money it costs to punt and because my brain is being forced to do important shit I don't want to punt. Don't want to masturbate either. I actually don't want to get my rocks off. My brain is basically prodding me and forcing me to do the hard things ive been avoiding
https://youtu.be/TtaA-BUpBdU
https://youtu.be/TtaA-BUpBdU
Music has served it's purpose