We’ve read about the worst smell in history. Now this report is on the worst punt in history.
I got sucked in by a Locanto ad the other day. It described Bella, a mid-40s Asian lady working out of an apartment in Milsons Point, offering a range of massage services. Always up for a punt, and being close by, I texted her and arranged an appointment. I was hoping for a hot, sexy MILF. She sent me some more photos, minus the head shots. She seemed to have massive jugs.
I followed her instructions and went to the Portofino Apartments on Alfred Street and to the third floor. She hid behind the door when she opened - always a bad sign. When I saw her, I was really, really disappointed. She was as ugly has hell, was aged about 65 and looked a complete, disheveled mess. Her head needed a paper bag. What was worse was the apartment. It was a complete fkn shit hole. This lady has a serious mental health problem and is a hoarder of the worst kind. Quite honestly, I have never been in an apartment with so much rubbish and junk before. It looked like a set from Slum Dog Millionaire. My head was spinning.
If you’ve seen Ada (wechat) before, well this lady is a lot older and a lot uglier, but not as fat. Her stomach fat folds don’t actually hangover her pussy like Ada’s. The apartment is about 10 times filthier than Ada’s and Ada wasn’t going to win any cleanliness awards either.
Now, any normal human would have fled the scene by now. But not me. LOL. Call it morbid fascination. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to stick with it to see where this would all go. She asked for $170 for what was at this point, an unknown service. I just handed over the money. I stripped. The massage table was up against a wall with a pile of shit all over it. I asked her to change the hygiene sheet on the table, but she said it was just changed. Like hell it had been. She stripped and then said that suck, lick and fuck were all extra. I took one look at her aging and out of shape body and said no thanks. It would have been better if she kept her clothes on.
So she proceeded to rub me here and there for 30 minutes using a really sticky oil. It was horrible. Then oiled up her pendulous boobs and started dragging them over my back. On the flip she climbed on top of me and rubbed her boobs over my chest. I just wanted her to climb off me and the sticky oil was starting to annoy me. Then she wanked me off. I just closed my eyes and thought of better days.
I then went into the bathroom for a shower and just about puked. There were buckets of dirty water everywhere, like she was collecting them for a lab experiment. Not sure what that was about. May be that’s what hoarders do? Anyhow, after a quick 30 second shower, I raced home. Then in my own shower I scrubbed my skin for 15 minutes with soap as I felt so dirty. If you go and see her, you will certainly suffer from PTSD, so avoid.
She’s from HK and has three kids and three grandkids. So you could say she’s a GIWWTF (grandmother I wouldn’t want to fuck). She has a loyal following and said that she gets between 3-5 mongers a day. She said she won’t be advertising anymore as she has a sufficient client base. Fuck me dead…
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