"I'm so lonely, broken angel
I'm so lonely, listen to my heart"
This thread is not for looking for sympathy. Just a bit sharing, and I know I'm not angel. Instead, I always call myself evil.
Why I take this job?
Well,
First. For myself.
I got my first job at an Asian shop. $100/ per day (~12 hours). Had to get up around 4am to get train at 5:10 and arrive shop at 6:20, then stand and serve customers all the time till 6:30 pm. Having 30 minutes for lunch break but no place to rest in shop so I have to walk around there or find somewhere to sit down. Normally I buy a loaf of bread for lunch as nothing else is cheaper. That’s it for nearly one month. My colleague, Amy, told me that for some personal issues, she was short of money so she couldn’t even afford 2 rolls of sushi but just a loaf of bread to eat for whole day, just like me.

Besides, I had no heater for winters 2014 &2015. And not even fan for summer 2015. Only take bus to school when I'm already late or weather is really bad. Rarely go for shopping. Spending big money just for family and friends, not for myself. 1/3 of my wardrobe is free clothes from cousin's cousins. Another 1/3 is secondhand from local market. And if they're new, they're from Kmart. Actually I still keep those habits: not shop much and buy clothes from Kmart (their kid clothes are quite nice, lol).

Then I got other jobs, better paid but still not enough until I become masseur. Better money, of course. now I can cover my school fee, spend a bit more for myself.

My English is better. Try to improve skills from conversations with clients. Life experiences is enriched as I've met various types of people. Having much experience in dealing with people.

Second, for family.
Growing up in the Asian culture, it's hard for me to be selfish, but not care about my family. Wish to be able to take care of myself and my family. When it's too late, money has no meaning - I learned that as my mom didn't have any chance to travel overseas and live for herself. so now I'm really happy that I can send money back to my father and ask him to spend on holidays and enjoy retirement time. Be happy that I can support my family partly. Be happy that I can save money for my own future and be independent. Hopefully I can be helpful to my partner ( if I can find him somewhere, lol).

Do I enjoy my job? Somehow yes, to be honest. Like my Dongseng, Caff said, somehow my social life is going on at workplaces. A breath of life. I feel lonely here. But hard to tell my family and friends that I'm tired. Don't want to make them worried so I always smile in front of them. Colleagues? Having a distance from them. Somehow it's easier to open up to strangers. So sometimes a nice talk, a nice care from client who shows his respect to my efforts, or a hug/ cuddle that make me feel better. I do enjoy his kindness. A simple talk"thankyou" is actually meaningful.

"I'm faded. So lost. The monsters running wild inside of me"
But it's hard job. It takes my energy and trust in life. Becoming doubtful a d scared of everything. And sensitive. Bad clients act like wild animals, and treat me like animal too. Have to choke anger back many times but keep smiling, even when they strangle or slap me. Or being abused by dirty talk. Some asked me if I like to be tied up and raped. One told me about his incestuous relationship with his best friend and sister in two hours. So hateful but still try to finish sessions nicely.

I think I'm coward. Many people are hungry for money but they choose normal/proper jobs. But I'm not strong enough to accept a difficult way to go through (actually this job is not easy to deal with and tiring too). I'm still preparing for my retirement day, when I have a proper job and a normal life. Be strong enough to get the first step of a long journey. And hope to find someone who not let me stay in shadow nor want sex from me only.

Anyway, no complaints. Obstacles are always there, and help me being stronger. I'll be okay. Cheers.