LOL I was waiting for another "feeling for WL" thread, didn't take long.

All I can say is: been there, done that, it's a mistake I made when I first started my punting journey, the harsh truth is...it never ends well...

My advice: stop tormenting yourself and just let it go, the longer you drag this on the more you'll drive yourself crazy, it's ok to have a bit of fantasy from time to time but stop before you let yourself fall into a deep rabbit hole.