Looking for love in the wrong places

[Rpd]

As much as I hate to say it, there is some merit to the saying 'treat her mean, keep her keen'. No woman is going to respect a man who is constantly under the thumb. If you're looking for companionship, consider a mail order bride or similar. There are plenty of foreigners who are willing to marry and stay with you for citizenship. You may even fall in love eventually. Hell, we live in one of the best countries in the world.

Stop looking for love with wl/ml, as it never ends well.

[gggi]

Greg, getting along better with WLs *in general* is worrisome. Sure, there are definitely things about the set-up that break a lot of ice socially: you both know what you're there to do, there's no awkward initial dating steps, etc. But you have to recognise that if you prefer that overall, and yet are looking for love, you're short-circuiting the whole process and setting yourself up for hurt.

That's not to say real feelings can't happen in the room. I've fallen for a WL before, but it was an *incredible* exception to the nicely established boundaries that punts usually have. I love some fun banter and even some wistful, longing admiration for my favourite WLs, but that's generally it, and I appreciate when WLs help establish those boundaries. So when I actually *fell* for one, I'm certain that it would have happened regardless of how we met. I didn't consciously see sex workers as a potential source of romance in the least.

Okay, if we take a step back, a lot of us might need to admit that seeing sex workers is more than just about being horny — as you say, many of us are really looking for affection that's missing in our lives, deep down. But there's a difference between *knowing* this and seeing sex workers as a way to get a girlfriend.

If you're after a sex worker for more than her job duties, you're asking her to join you in confusing the job with the rest of her life, and from sorry experience, that's not likely to end well. People do get together through sex work, and sometimes it's great, but don't walk into things with that slim possibility as your default expectation.

See and appreciate punting for what it is. There are women who are paid to be affectionate with us. Which is wonderful, for us at least. As with any job, sometimes the women enjoy the work, if not sexually all the time, then at least taking pride in providing such an important service to the world. Others shrug and see it purely as a way to make ends meet. Some get fucked over by it, as some jobs do. And as with any job, sometimes an "office romance" might happen. But as we know with any other kind of office romance, such things don't have a habit of succeeding. I'd be worried enough if you thought dating girls from work was far easier than girls further out in the world. The parameters that make that easy (e.g. everyday contact, a shared social framework) make it dangerous (e.g. depending on work for your relationship's survival, awkward fallout in a claustrophobic setting when things get difficult). Seeing punting as a preferable source of girlfriends to others is much more dangerous.

As for A44 not being free, are you being wilfully naive, Greg? A44 accidentally fell for a WL, but was already in a relationship. Which made things complicated, I'm assuming. I can sympathise. I'm not sure which is worse — looking for love in the wrong places, or accidentally finding it there — but believe me, the latter can be really, really painful, even when your eyes are wide open. If your eyes are closed, I imagine it could get much worse.

Don't stop being a good guy, you can ignore all the misogynistic "treat em mean" crap from others, but please keep your eyes open.

[newbie111]

Rule #1: don't chase a working girl.

Rule #2: don't fall in love with a regular girl - let her fall in love with you.

goulash hit the jackpot... you really dont need a shit tons of rules.
Often or not the girls that love stringing you along are players. Definitely let the chick fall in love with you (the real you. not the feet kissing fake ass you)

[cisco]

Never and never find girlfriend at brothel , it will be so much complicated .

[Travelmate]

good laugh on this thread.
This topic come up every now and then.

There is no rule to me as long as I can manage time and resource and manage all other girls.

[TMC (free cage girl)]

Hey all,

Been single for a long time and punting for a long time. I think I punt because of loneliness most of the time, only 10% of the time because I am actually horny. When I am with the girl in the room for an hour, it feels good but I know it is just a fantasy. When I leave the shop, the sense of emptiness overcomes me. I want someone to eat with, go to events with, and socialise with.

But here's the thing. When I meet a girl I like, I usually have too much interest and fuck it up. Maybe from her side it seems like desperation. But for me, I am just trying to show my interest. If I don't like a girl, I won't waste both our time, but if I like a girl, I am like that guy from HIMYM and already think about marriage and kids in the future. Many times I have fucked up this way. So one way to stop myself is to punt while chasing the girl, which makes me seem less eager.

Sometimes these girls don't work out for other reasons, and I am left with punting again. I know if I have a girlfriend I would never punt. But it is getting one that is too hard for me. I want to stop punting because I feel it is kinda my way to look for a girlfriend, but if I stop, then I become too eager for the next girl I meet and like. It is a bit of a damning cycle.

Any bros here in same situation?

.........

[DemonHarry]

Never and never find girlfriend at brothel , it will be so much complicated .

There is nothing like getting both sides of life. Being the guy who fucks the girl while she is texting her boyfriend. And then being the guy at the other end of the text. Not the best feeling . At least it's better than being on the other end.

[Atomique]

GGG, You sound like a shy and sensitive guy. If you don't feel you have it in you to "alpha up" I'd suggest setting your sights a little lower for the time being.

How about hooking up with an ugly / overweight / disabled girl or single mother for a while?

Think about it as a pair of training wheels. Once your confidence is up you can toss them aside like a used condom and upgrade to something better.

[Fisher]

Is it just me or does good guy greg post similiar threads every three months or so on very similiar/same topics asking members for advice?
All seem to relate to love/ relationships in brothels dude do yourself a favour and seek professional help and get your life sorted and get some direction going withour life then worry about punting.
Been ina bad way myself sought professional help now im a very good head space and life is great again.

[DeepImpact]

GGG, You sound like a shy and sensitive guy. If you don't feel you have it in you to "alpha up" I'd suggest setting your sights a little lower for the time being.

How about hooking up with an ugly / overweight / disabled girl or single mother for a while?

.

I didn't know your girlfriend was available to take on another lover!!!

[gggi]

I didn't know your girlfriend was available to take on another lover!!!

BOOM.

Fisher, that might be true. I can sympathise, though. Desire can be a complicated thing.

[Good_guy_Greg]

Greg, you just need to practice by having lots of lady friends (just friends, not ones you are f%^&ing) and be comfortable with them. Then you can perhaps control your neediness or whatever. If you keep dating, you can find someone. Be prepared to go on lots of dates though. Be yourself dude, there is no point in pretending at all. Perhaps you need a girl who likes a needy guy.

Hey, I actually do have lots of lady friends. I don't have a problem with interacting with women, but when it comes to liking one, then I get too nervous and fuck things up.

I feel the same with you man, I would normally see a regular because I know we have chemistry and without it, I just didn't enjoy the sex very much

Yeah, I've had my fair share of WL/ML who had no chemistry at all, acted like they didn't want to be there at all. Total waste of money when seeing them.

Coming on too strong in some cases will have negative effects. Hang out and see how things go and after a few weeks or so u can make a judgement whether she's interested or not.

That's one theory, but when I ask for advice from others, they always say I need to hurry up to avoid the friendzone.

[Good_guy_Greg]

Couldn't be more true. It is sad to see that WLs seem to be addicted to the money (or maybe sex?) this profession brings to them. I guess once one no longer feels shame about having sex with anyone who pays then this may become a good job. I am always puzzled by this.

Yeah it really is sad. I was talking to a WL once and suggested that she could be a waitress since her English was pretty good, and she was like "do you know how much they get paid? $10 an hour!" They definitely do get addicted to the level of income and the lifestyle that comes with it. Sadly, a lot of them waste it away. Another WL told me that she wasted two years worth of income, and that she had nothing left.

Try to find a friend first than love..... Ur chance will come.
Love will come when u least expect it. Hard to believe but it really does. Maybe u need to concentrate on other things?

Enjoy while it last as I regret this shit.

That's good advice. I guess I need to re-focus on other things in my life. What do you regret?

Tell the girl you don't have money to see her in shop, and can she meet up with you outside. And you will get the truth.

I know what you're trying to get at bro. In the back of my mind I know that the GFE is not real. I like to test them out. Like a WL gave me her number and kept texting me that she missed me and shit, then when I asked her out to dinner she went all silent and never heard from her again lol.

[Good_guy_Greg]

"I seem to get along with a WL/ML much better than regular girls"
That creeped me out a bit. If you start to believe that, then you are limiting yourself to WL/ML interactions

A friend told me "You cant fall in love with someone with a foreign passport, who doesnt have residency in this country"
You never can be sure of their intentions

You strike me as the type of guy "ripe for the picking" if you talk and think as you do. Scammer bait actually

Have ambition, be great at what you do for work. If you are unemployed, find work, any work
Throw away the victim mentality. Have an inner feeling that the world is full of abundance
Women smell fear, and admire confidence
Also I have never met a woman who doesnt appreciate a gentleman

Open your heart, dont close it
I just takes one true woman to notice you, and everything turns 180o
Your patience will be sorely tested, but the love you find after the wait, will be very sweet indeed

On the other hand, its way way to easy to be in a relationship when you arent in love. Just to avoid being alone

But I agree its not easy when you are single for long periods.
But sounds like you have a good heart, so good on you for staying strong

All the best

Thanks for your honest advice harmony, always appreciate it. I guess what I meant was, when you pay to see them, they have more incentive to try to get along with you, and when they do that, it's a lot easier for you to get along with them. I find that when meeting regular girls, there's always a bit of a shield they put up. You're unsure if they like you, or even if they want to talk to you. Sometimes it's hard enough just to get their attention. But in a room, you have her undivided attention and she is trying to get you to return, but I do keep in the back of my mind that it's all fake.

I have actually lost a bit of money to a WL once, it was kinda complicated. That sent me into a huge depression which I'm still trying to get out of.

being in no relationship is better than being in a crappy one.

If you're too desperate and you get into a crappy one, you'll be financially destroyed and still end up lonely.

Don't forget that being single does have its own advantages

I know, I've been in crappy relationships too, but sometimes loneliness distorts your thinking.

Greg, getting along better with WLs *in general* is worrisome. Sure, there are definitely things about the set-up that break a lot of ice socially: you both know what you're there to do, there's no awkward initial dating steps, etc. But you have to recognise that if you prefer that overall, and yet are looking for love, you're short-circuiting the whole process and setting yourself up for hurt.

That's not to say real feelings can't happen in the room. I've fallen for a WL before, but it was an *incredible* exception to the nicely established boundaries that punts usually have. I love some fun banter and even some wistful, longing admiration for my favourite WLs, but that's generally it, and I appreciate when WLs help establish those boundaries. So when I actually *fell* for one, I'm certain that it would have happened regardless of how we met. I didn't consciously see sex workers as a potential source of romance in the least.

Okay, if we take a step back, a lot of us might need to admit that seeing sex workers is more than just about being horny — as you say, many of us are really looking for affection that's missing in our lives, deep down. But there's a difference between *knowing* this and seeing sex workers as a way to get a girlfriend.

If you're after a sex worker for more than her job duties, you're asking her to join you in confusing the job with the rest of her life, and from sorry experience, that's not likely to end well. People do get together through sex work, and sometimes it's great, but don't walk into things with that slim possibility as your default expectation.

See and appreciate punting for what it is. There are women who are paid to be affectionate with us. Which is wonderful, for us at least. As with any job, sometimes the women enjoy the work, if not sexually all the time, then at least taking pride in providing such an important service to the world. Others shrug and see it purely as a way to make ends meet. Some get fucked over by it, as some jobs do. And as with any job, sometimes an "office romance" might happen. But as we know with any other kind of office romance, such things don't have a habit of succeeding. I'd be worried enough if you thought dating girls from work was far easier than girls further out in the world. The parameters that make that easy (e.g. everyday contact, a shared social framework) make it dangerous (e.g. depending on work for your relationship's survival, awkward fallout in a claustrophobic setting when things get difficult). Seeing punting as a preferable source of girlfriends to others is much more dangerous.

As for A44 not being free, are you being wilfully naive, Greg? A44 accidentally fell for a WL, but was already in a relationship. Which made things complicated, I'm assuming. I can sympathise. I'm not sure which is worse — looking for love in the wrong places, or accidentally finding it there — but believe me, the latter can be really, really painful, even when your eyes are wide open. If your eyes are closed, I imagine it could get much worse.

Don't stop being a good guy, you can ignore all the misogynistic "treat em mean" crap from others, but please keep your eyes open.

Good points. I thought I knew what A44 meant, but when he said he found someone who was also free, that confused me.

[Atomique]

Jeez, that post made me cringe so hard... How old are you anyway?

A WL gave me her number and kept texting me that she missed me and shit, then when I asked her out to dinner she went all silent and never heard from her again lol.

[gggi]

I thought I knew what A44 meant, but when he said he found someone who was also free, that confused me.

SHE found someone who was available.

[babelx]

Greg, it looks like you should just keep going. Perhaps you are not meant to be in a conventional relationship? Not everyone is I reckon. Infact most of us aren't. Most would prefer to sleep around etc.