Originally Posted by
Babycat
"I'm faded. So lost. The monsters running wild inside of me"
But it's hard job. It takes my energy and trust in life. Becoming doubtful a d scared of everything. And sensitive. Bad clients act like wild animals, and treat me like animal too. Have to choke anger back many times but keep smiling, even when they strangle or slap me. Or being abused by dirty talk. Some asked me if I like to be tied up and raped. One told me about his incestuous relationship with his best friend and sister in two hours. So hateful but still try to finish sessions nicely.
I think I'm coward. Many people are hungry for money but they choose normal/proper jobs. But I'm not strong enough to accept a difficult way to go through (actually this job is not easy to deal with and tiring too). I'm still preparing for my retirement day, when I have a proper job and a normal life. Be strong enough to get the first step of a long journey. And hope to find someone who not let me stay in shadow nor want sex from me only.
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