Trapped and helpless

To all the bros with sexless marriages, sorry to hear about your predicament. It does feel like you're doing it all for nothing, especially if you're a punter as well. Then your mind starts to think "why go through all that trouble when I can just pay for it?".

It could be sexless because you no longer find your wife attractive or she has become uninterested (but you still have the desire to fuck her). If it is the latter, you can do something about it. Use meds to improve your performance in bed and get her interested again. Work on your self-image, etc. If the reason is the other one, then it will be very difficult to fix because it can only be fixed by her. Would she hit the gym and get fit, just to present you with a more fuckable wife? Not very likely.

Anyway, if divorce is the only solution, you're probably going to need some facts about divorce law in Australia before you pull the trigger.

I think the most important fact is "No fault" divorce is used here. What it means is, when it comes to how the courts process a divorce, it does not matter why or how the divorce happened. All divorces are processed in the same way, taking into account the same factors. Think long and hard about this because it could play out very differently from what you expect.

Take 2 examples. First example, a high-earning high net worth man divorces his highly promiscuous, cheating wife with all the evidence to prove the infidelity. Second example, a man with the same financial position as the first example divorces his very faithful wife because he has fallen head over heels for his new GF.

In both examples, assuming that the man and wife are exactly the same from a financial perspective, the outcome would be exactly the same. She gets half of everything that was earned during the marriage. If she didn't have any income during the marriage, she gets spousal support. And so on...

The other major thing to remember is that point about "getting half of everything earned in the marriage". Depending on what you do during the marriage, it might be in your best interest to divorce as soon as possible. This is from a financial perspective.

Good luck bro OP.

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Originally Posted by Axeman123

It's not that they don't want intimacy or sex any more..... they just don't want it with their husbands.

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This shit right here, is real talk!

I've banged enough divorcees, single mums, and unhappy partners and wives to validate the statement.

In the right circumstances and context, punting of any gender, style, and type can/does save relationships.

https://www.outkick.com/culture/marr...e-her-marriage

Very Similar situation with the wife and kids . Started maybe 8 years ago to punt once every 2 months or so to now once a week or fortnight .
I don’t think I’m scratching my itch and I’m still looking for something more..

Although we sometimes hear about married couples with children being highly active in bed, in reality this is a rarity. Many surveys have shown this.

Add to this how often couples “grow apart” when it comes to their communication, likes and dislikes at a social level.

In reality, what keeps many couples going is the need to look after the kids.

If sex in marriage was overwhelmingly good, the oldest profession would go bust. It has not, and will not.

Who put forward the concept of marriage?

I’m all for marriage if you can have several wives. If you can support them during the marriage then why not… oh that word support comes up once again.

On the split up why should a guy have to support his wife/defacto and give her half if she’s never contributed to his business?

I’m sure running things through a trust is the way to keep her hands off things. I’ve even had a WL recently mention the word “trust” in relation to holding onto assets. I thought she’s already done her research on punters and their assets ffs…

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Originally Posted by Lasher167

We have tried in the past but don’t bother any more … I can see wife does not care

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Your wife is fucking someone else.

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Originally Posted by James_jones

Your wife is fucking someone else.

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The biggest mistake a married man who's marriage is less than ideal can make is to believe that his wife couldn't be unfaithful. There's an awful lot of literature out there if you're looking to learn about red flags.

Thanks all for your input. Lots to think about. Have been hitting the gym and staying busy with hobbies as a coping mechanism.

My main focus now are the kids. Just want to be here and deal with this so called marriage and run the course as much as I can stand it.

It’s sad to constantly hear and read that the man needs to step up with emotional connection first before we get what we need. The constant narrative that husbands need to step up etc grates on me. I feel like I am doing all I can with depression meds, therapy, couples counselling and all roads eventually lead back to this place.

For me, what broke the camels back was seeing my wife asleep on the couch watching tv on my birthday promising a special night. Needless to say I went to bed frustrated and lonely and was given the “it’s not a big deal” treatment. This was juxtaposed by the magical birthday celebration she organised for her friends. It really puts a man in his place.

So this is why I’m just done with this relationship. But… I will keep doing it for the kids.

need to start a thread on how to hide/protect assets so men can leave unhappy relationships whilst still looking after the kids etc

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Originally Posted by Double_Adapter

This shit right here, is real talk!

I've banged enough divorcees, single mums, and unhappy partners and wives to validate the statement.

In the right circumstances and context, punting of any gender, style, and type can/does save relationships.

https://www.outkick.com/culture/marr...e-her-marriage

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Been there brother. Both men & women want to spice up life in general if things are a bit stale. I've say it over & over monogamy is one of the most fucked up things that humans have foisted on each other.

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Originally Posted by JJBlows

need to start a thread on how to hide/protect assets so men can leave unhappy relationships whilst still looking after the kids etc

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Every relationship ends up unhappy sooner or later. Anyone disagree?

A lot of my friends are getting into the age when they are going to get married. Puritan christianity australia has taught them since day 1, marriage is sacred and marriage will last like hollywood forever after movies - when statistics show 40% of marriages end in divorce and perhaps another 40-50% are only in that marriage for the kids or they don't lose 90% of their shit.

The saving grace is, since Aus is a relatively wealthy country, even if you do get divorced, overseas in a third world country presents opportunities. For example, Thailand and Phillipines has been the go to place for divorcee men who want to fuck 20 year olds after decades of sexless marriage. Here is to the aussie dollar

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...19Dpp3hCpLiQ&s

Yep, stay around and raise your boys!
It was the best thing my dad did for me so many great memories of trips away with him.

Every woman wants money, that’s all it’s ever been about. Doesn’t matter what country. Just your buying power is better overseas. I’ve never heard of a long term relationship with any woman from OS and a western guy. The guys get shafted or run out of money then they’re soon divorced.

https://youtu.be/9CgSwOptuz8?si=lEWkeGuKrVyjrkEx

Would love to hear how to do it !

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Originally Posted by Spanky69

Every woman wants money, that’s all it’s ever been about. Doesn’t matter what country. Just your buying power is better overseas. I’ve never heard of a long term relationship with any woman from OS and a western guy. The guys get shafted or run out of money then they’re soon divorced.

https://youtu.be/9CgSwOptuz8?si=lEWkeGuKrVyjrkEx

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You sound old, sad and like a dude without female friends.

Hey Jim_cs, sorry to hear about your situation man, it's horrible to feel helpless. I don't know what the best solution for you is, but I respect that you are staying in this far from ideal situation for the sake of your kids. You sound like a good father.

For their sake and your own you have to maintain your mental health and some sort of happiness in life - I think it would be hard to really be there for your kids without taking time for yourself. It's certainly not bad or wrong of you to want sex and intimacy with your wife, but in this situation neither is it a bad or wrong alternative to seek some aspect of that through punting. You gotta stay sane man. Maybe there are guys out there who can lead rewarding, fulfilling lives without sex, but seems kind of pointless. If your wife can't respect or understand that (and unfortunately many don't seem to), well you have an alternative.

As far as the overall situation - remember, you can't change someone else if they don't want to change. You can only change yourself and your situation. I don't know enough about you or your situation to know if you could or should change yourself so that your wife's attitude to sex and intimacy with you will change - I kinda suspect not as it seems like the issue is probably with her. Well, at least 50% of the issue, and sounds like she's not willing to work on her part. But if there is something you want to change with yourself, something that might improve how you feel or your situation, you have the power to do that.

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Originally Posted by ReginaldBubbles

You sound old, sad and like a dude without female friends.

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Reggie there’s your perception and there’s reality.

As matter of fact you read as an older, slower, slovenly, sedate non risk taking individual. Most probably have a grey beard, unkept hair, shops at Lowes, and writes himself up as a purveyor of women. Am I correct?

I on the other hand fuck and don’t give a fuck.

We are two very different individuals.

Reggie age is a number, I don’t live my life by numbers unlike you and I’m way way too busy to be sad, that’s for people with nothing to do. Now about female friends, you’ve read my situation, a GF and two WLs, they’re the ones I’m dating and banging for free. That’s enough women for now. That last ML was a unicorn and I wrote about her for my pleasure and the forum’s entertainment.

Getting back to the post above that you commented about. It’s a fact, every guy I know who has been divorced has had a lot of money taken off him by greedy lazy lawyer advised women. One even hired a PI to follow her husband around and see what businesses he owned so she could get her claws on them. There are very very few self made women. Most are freeloaders. That’s just the nature of the beast.

Wake up and smell the roses.

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Originally Posted by Jim_cs

Hey brothers not sure why I’m writing this, but I think I need an outlet. Long time punter due to being in a sexless relationship. Love my kids but the wife is cold at times and doesn’t provide me with what I need. It’s been years of broken promises that things will change, feeling like our relationship is de prioritised, and countless hours of counselling that just leads to the same issues again.

So I’m stuck in a marriage that I want to keep for the kids, but I punt to keep it purely transactional and don’t want any strings with relationships. From a physical perspective it helps a lot and keeps me sane and the marriage in tact for now.

I do feel like this is a temporary fix until the kids are grown up and I can leave the marriage. This feels like such a horrible way to live life. Thanks for reading.

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Brother Jim, we all go through times like you have said. Its always a fine balance between what people want. Single guys who want a relationship then on the flip side, men that are married but have a sexless relationship. I think its great you can talk about your current circumstance as it gives perspective. Most relationships (dating or married) get boring after a while and if the sexless part of the relationship can survive, then its great but its not always the case. When I was in a relationship, I went through the same things you mentioned except no kids. If we did have kids, it would have been fucked because kids are more important than your wife/partner. You will bend over backwards for them and actually look forward to seeing them rather than your wife/partner no matter how good / bad the relationship is.

Personally bro, focus on the kids. They are the most important thing in your life. And trust me, even if you leave your wife once the kids have grown up, you'll have so many great memories of going out with them and spending time with them when they are older. They will understand once they are older. All the best bro Jim. I know you'll make the right decision.

Apart from that, I would say keep punting bro ! Transactional or not, its always great to go for a punt.

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Originally Posted by Jim_cs

Thanks all for your input. Lots to think about. Have been hitting the gym and staying busy with hobbies as a coping mechanism.

My main focus now are the kids. Just want to be here and deal with this so called marriage and run the course as much as I can stand it.

It’s sad to constantly hear and read that the man needs to step up with emotional connection first before we get what we need. The constant narrative that husbands need to step up etc grates on me. I feel like I am doing all I can with depression meds, therapy, couples counselling and all roads eventually lead back to this place.

For me, what broke the camels back was seeing my wife asleep on the couch watching tv on my birthday promising a special night. Needless to say I went to bed frustrated and lonely and was given the “it’s not a big deal” treatment. This was juxtaposed by the magical birthday celebration she organised for her friends. It really puts a man in his place.

So this is why I’m just done with this relationship. But… I will keep doing it for the kids.

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I'd like to relate just one instance of mine on the importance of your presence to your kids. I have an interest in guitar n one time years ago, "son" was only 7 I was playing acoustic in bedroom,no unsettling noise at all. Son in his bed. Wife charges in n up me about disturbing "Son". Over the top and irrational response to say the least. "Son" calls out in response " Mum I like to hear Dad.... I know he's here if I can hear him."That reinforced everything in me not to mention the emotion welling up in me. In time if you have sons they become your mates. That is your reward !!!

OP, welcome to the age old world of men and women and completely different biological purposes. We're animals with intellects that strive to give ourselves purpose, when really, our purpose is to propagate the species. This means that women, once they've achieved that purpose, no longer have the strong urge to mate and bear children. Sure, they like sex, but not with you. You don't help out around the house enough, you react badly to nagging and a never-ending chores list. You drink too much and don't listen to her needs. You're not in touch with your emotions and you don't have ESP.

Maybe there are brilliant life long marriages out there where partners are best friends and get it on weekly. Maybe, but they're unicorn relationships i think.

You can't fix her. You can only fix you. And the simplest fix of all is punting. It takes the endless pressure of 'maybe tonight's the night'' off the table. You'll be amazed at how much stress this relieves. You can then focus on your kids and your social life. Focus on pulling in enough money to create a good life and a good retirement. Continue to be a decent man at home. Don't be an aggressive dick. Listen to her, let her blow up at whatever this week's drama is. It'll all be water off a ducks back because you, you legend, had outstanding sex with a 8/10 26 year old thai chick two days ago and your back is still sore.

Divorce is expensive. Life is short. Punt hard and relax.

It still gets down to supporting a woman. Punt all you like but why support a woman who doesn’t “put up”. Fuck her off. It’s way way easier for any guy to get a woman than a woman to get a guy.

Who cares how much divorce costs.

Even at my age if I was in a divorce situation I’d blow every dollar in the courts so she gets nothing. Then start again with a clean slate.

I’m more than confident to start with zero dollars and go again. Sometimes freedom Is worth every cent you have.

I cannot believe there are guys on here who would rather stick with a woman who does nothing sexually, then go and pay for sex.

Basically just don't want or need anything from someone who can't or won't give. Find your contentment outside of that.

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Originally Posted by Spanky69

It still gets down to supporting a woman. Punt all you like but why support a woman who doesn’t “put up”. Fuck her off. It’s way way easier for any guy to get a woman than a woman to get a guy.

Who cares how much divorce costs.

Even at my age if I was in a divorce situation I’d blow every dollar in the courts so she gets nothing. Then start again with a clean slate.

I’m more than confident to start with zero dollars and go again. Sometimes freedom Is worth every cent you have.

I cannot believe there are guys on here who would rather stick with a woman who does nothing sexually, then go and pay for sex.

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How old are you @Spanky69?
Many of us are not young enough to go down to zero and start all over again —

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Originally Posted by Spanky69

It still gets down to supporting a woman. Punt all you like but why support a woman who doesn’t “put up”. Fuck her off. It’s way way easier for any guy to get a woman than a woman to get a guy.

Who cares how much divorce costs.

Even at my age if I was in a divorce situation I’d blow every dollar in the courts so she gets nothing. Then start again with a clean slate.

I’m more than confident to start with zero dollars and go again. Sometimes freedom Is worth every cent you have.

I cannot believe there are guys on here who would rather stick with a woman who does nothing sexually, then go and pay for sex.

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There's something about a "MAN" Iiving up to his responsibilities. His family is "HIS" family. It's who he is..,. it's what makes him.