You sound old, sad and like a dude without female friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanky69
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You sound old, sad and like a dude without female friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanky69
Hey Jim_cs, sorry to hear about your situation man, it's horrible to feel helpless. I don't know what the best solution for you is, but I respect that you are staying in this far from ideal situation for the sake of your kids. You sound like a good father.
For their sake and your own you have to maintain your mental health and some sort of happiness in life - I think it would be hard to really be there for your kids without taking time for yourself. It's certainly not bad or wrong of you to want sex and intimacy with your wife, but in this situation neither is it a bad or wrong alternative to seek some aspect of that through punting. You gotta stay sane man. Maybe there are guys out there who can lead rewarding, fulfilling lives without sex, but seems kind of pointless. If your wife can't respect or understand that (and unfortunately many don't seem to), well you have an alternative.
As far as the overall situation - remember, you can't change someone else if they don't want to change. You can only change yourself and your situation. I don't know enough about you or your situation to know if you could or should change yourself so that your wife's attitude to sex and intimacy with you will change - I kinda suspect not as it seems like the issue is probably with her. Well, at least 50% of the issue, and sounds like she's not willing to work on her part. But if there is something you want to change with yourself, something that might improve how you feel or your situation, you have the power to do that.
Reggie there’s your perception and there’s reality.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReginaldBubbles
As matter of fact you read as an older, slower, slovenly, sedate non risk taking individual. Most probably have a grey beard, unkept hair, shops at Lowes, and writes himself up as a purveyor of women. Am I correct?
I on the other hand fuck and don’t give a fuck.
We are two very different individuals.
Reggie age is a number, I don’t live my life by numbers unlike you and I’m way way too busy to be sad, that’s for people with nothing to do. Now about female friends, you’ve read my situation, a GF and two WLs, they’re the ones I’m dating and banging for free. That’s enough women for now. That last ML was a unicorn and I wrote about her for my pleasure and the forum’s entertainment.
Getting back to the post above that you commented about. It’s a fact, every guy I know who has been divorced has had a lot of money taken off him by greedy lazy lawyer advised women. One even hired a PI to follow her husband around and see what businesses he owned so she could get her claws on them. There are very very few self made women. Most are freeloaders. That’s just the nature of the beast.
Wake up and smell the roses.
Brother Jim, we all go through times like you have said. Its always a fine balance between what people want. Single guys who want a relationship then on the flip side, men that are married but have a sexless relationship. I think its great you can talk about your current circumstance as it gives perspective. Most relationships (dating or married) get boring after a while and if the sexless part of the relationship can survive, then its great but its not always the case. When I was in a relationship, I went through the same things you mentioned except no kids. If we did have kids, it would have been fucked because kids are more important than your wife/partner. You will bend over backwards for them and actually look forward to seeing them rather than your wife/partner no matter how good / bad the relationship is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim_cs
Personally bro, focus on the kids. They are the most important thing in your life. And trust me, even if you leave your wife once the kids have grown up, you'll have so many great memories of going out with them and spending time with them when they are older. They will understand once they are older. All the best bro Jim. I know you'll make the right decision.
Apart from that, I would say keep punting bro ! Transactional or not, its always great to go for a punt.
I'd like to relate just one instance of mine on the importance of your presence to your kids. I have an interest in guitar n one time years ago, "son" was only 7 I was playing acoustic in bedroom,no unsettling noise at all. Son in his bed. Wife charges in n up me about disturbing "Son". Over the top and irrational response to say the least. "Son" calls out in response " Mum I like to hear Dad.... I know he's here if I can hear him."That reinforced everything in me not to mention the emotion welling up in me. In time if you have sons they become your mates. That is your reward !!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim_cs
OP, welcome to the age old world of men and women and completely different biological purposes. We're animals with intellects that strive to give ourselves purpose, when really, our purpose is to propagate the species. This means that women, once they've achieved that purpose, no longer have the strong urge to mate and bear children. Sure, they like sex, but not with you. You don't help out around the house enough, you react badly to nagging and a never-ending chores list. You drink too much and don't listen to her needs. You're not in touch with your emotions and you don't have ESP.
Maybe there are brilliant life long marriages out there where partners are best friends and get it on weekly. Maybe, but they're unicorn relationships i think.
You can't fix her. You can only fix you. And the simplest fix of all is punting. It takes the endless pressure of 'maybe tonight's the night'' off the table. You'll be amazed at how much stress this relieves. You can then focus on your kids and your social life. Focus on pulling in enough money to create a good life and a good retirement. Continue to be a decent man at home. Don't be an aggressive dick. Listen to her, let her blow up at whatever this week's drama is. It'll all be water off a ducks back because you, you legend, had outstanding sex with a 8/10 26 year old thai chick two days ago and your back is still sore.
Divorce is expensive. Life is short. Punt hard and relax.
It still gets down to supporting a woman. Punt all you like but why support a woman who doesn’t “put up”. Fuck her off. It’s way way easier for any guy to get a woman than a woman to get a guy.
Who cares how much divorce costs.
Even at my age if I was in a divorce situation I’d blow every dollar in the courts so she gets nothing. Then start again with a clean slate.
I’m more than confident to start with zero dollars and go again. Sometimes freedom Is worth every cent you have.
I cannot believe there are guys on here who would rather stick with a woman who does nothing sexually, then go and pay for sex.
Basically just don't want or need anything from someone who can't or won't give. Find your contentment outside of that.
How old are you @Spanky69?Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanky69
Many of us are not young enough to go down to zero and start all over again —
There's something about a "MAN" Iiving up to his responsibilities. His family is "HIS" family. It's who he is..,. it's what makes him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanky69
Ohhh my age, it’s a number. Irrelevant really. I’m decades older than the women I date and I wouldn’t have it any other way, that’s enough information.Quote:
Originally Posted by andrewv
It’s about motivation, drive, ambition and work ethic. Without those you can be any age and fail.
To quote Rocky:
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward…
Never give in.
Apply that to a marriage and put sex in its place. You'll find that as enjoyable as it is there's so much more.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanky69
Marriage is a support scam for who? Women.Quote:
Originally Posted by Axeman123
Men do not need to be married.
A mistress and a housekeeper is all you need.
Roll forward to the future.
Humans will be manufactured in incubators.
There will be no need for a matriarchal breeding wife. What then, still want to get married?
Wait till you put having sex with her out of your mind.One day she will think why are you not trying anymore ? She will want it and when you are not interested the fireworks will start:shout:
Been there done that.
Lucky we have an outlet.
You mean it's easier for men to marry whoever/whenever they want, but women whenever they can.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanky69
But it's also easier for women to fuck whoever/whenever they want, but men whenever they can.
......punting dismantles the 2nd rule (ie unless you're Indian)
Who is on first, what’s on second and I don’t know is on third. I know having a threesome complicates things but surely you can “manage a trois”… in case no one gets the joke ménage was deliberately written as manage.Quote:
Originally Posted by Double_Adapter
Getting back to the post, make every post a winner. How many old guys do you see dating young women and why haven’t they stuck with an old boiler?
At the end of the day, it boils down to this.
Wife asks: emotional connection, trust, friendship.
My response: All perfectly reasonable asks for a healthy marriage which I oblige to.
Husband: physical touch, sex, intimacy.
Wife response: is that all you want from me? Why are you always complaining about that.
That in a nutshell is why it just doesnÂ’t work.
Well said. While some here might think "HIS" is an ownership thing, others view it with pride.Quote:
Originally Posted by Axeman123
And then you have the "end game". To those who think it's just a simple matter of getting "another", sure, as long as the money remains AND as long as you can get out of bed. When either of those end, then you might be in for a rude awakening as to what your value is and how much emotional equity you have with her.
11Bravo acknowledge this post or not but any guy who STAYS in a relationship because he’s worried about the endgame is not living in the now but the future.Quote:
Originally Posted by 11Bravo
Getting out of bed is a lifestyle choice. Don’t eat correctly, don’t exercise, then you only have yourself to blame. Most people hit an AGE a number and it’s downhill from there. It’s about your glass being half full and not half empty. I see it every day. It’s a mindset.
There are billions of people on this planet. Don’t think like the rest of them.