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Here are a few dad jokes to brighten your day:
What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? Because they don't have the guts.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
Someone thought i parked really well. Left a nice note on my window saying parking fine.
Why did the gay guy get fired from the sperm bank? Because he was caught drinking on the job
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.... :)
Just saw this on YouTube, told by a nubile thing in a swimsuit... :) https://www.youtube.com/shorts/KU5rNPLPdMY
What kind of bees make milk and not honey?
Answer: “Boo-bees!”
This Punter goes to a brothel. Picks the WL and make their way to the room. Once in bed, the WL asks the Punter what position and if he has any special requests.
The Punter replies, " yep missionary and I want you with your left hand to reach around and stick one finger in my arsehole and with your right hand stick one finger in my mouth.
The WL replies, "never had anyone request that before"
The Punter replies " I have never done it that way either but the last time I was here the WL stole my watch"
A mate couldn't work as a courier after he lost a leg in a motorcycle accident. Eventually found a job at the local brewery, the put him in charge of hops.
Ahahahahahahah!!! nice nice!Quote:
Originally Posted by RodgHerMoore
Good one mate! hahaQuote:
Originally Posted by dib21
Sorry for the thread! hahahaQuote:
Originally Posted by bung72
Never heard of that one before hahahaha!Quote:
Originally Posted by John_Diaz
hahaha very witty! i like itQuote:
Originally Posted by CharlieM
there you go! hahaQuote:
Originally Posted by Raybo
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me.
Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
What is the temperature of a Tauntaun? Luke warm.
That's a good one!Quote:
Originally Posted by RodgHerMoore
I asked my wife if she wanted to go on a romantic vacation.
She said, "Do I have a choice?"
I replied, "Of course, honey, the choice is yours... as long as it's Paris!"
I told my wife she's the only one I've ever loved.
She was touched until she found out my Wi-Fi password is also "ILoveYou."
My wife accused me of being immature.
So, I told her to get out of my fort!
A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”
The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to see some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My boy, Gregarro… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps…perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all… I’m not feeling good."
So the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?”
And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on.”
Finishing up having a beer with a mate, he said 'when I get home I am going to rip my Mrs knickers off. I was amused, said 'why's that?'
'Because they are fucking killing me!'
How come there's no rabbits on mars ?
Because all the hairs are on Uranus
her anus.. hahaha wittyQuote:
Originally Posted by carmen farquis
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says,
"Honey, I shaved myself down there.
Do you know what that means?"
The boyfriend says,
"Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.
People get shocked when they discover i am not a good electrician.
I said to my daughter "When I look in the mirror, I see a sad, tired, ugly old man staring back at me. Say something to make me feel better."
And she said "Well at least your eyesight is damn near perfect."
Well, that's some classic Aussie humor right there, mate! Your daughter's got quite the wit. A good laugh is often the best remedy for feeling down. Keep your chin up, and remember, a positive outlook can make all the difference. And hey, if your eyesight's top-notch, that's definitely a plus!Quote:
Originally Posted by asiafever