I think your mind is used to be turned on by intimacy to be ready to play based on your sex experience with gf/wifey.

However sex can also be stimulated by erotic visual, sound and touch that does not require emotional attachment. I think this the state of mind of most punter who play with “no string attached”.

I think if you can think this way, you can enjoy sex better with ml/wl, as you are now thinking sex is just physical release and not trying to bond emotionally