
Originally Posted by
Steven Seagal
G’day folks,
Newtown Chinese Massage
501 King Street
Newtown
Phone: 9557 1830
This is a review of Emily.
I must say that this joint has gone downhill since I was last here about 6 months ago. As has been pointed out, long gone are the days with great ladies and service such as Daisy, JoJo, Nana, SaSa and even little Annie. Yep, those days are over and the place may never return to its former glory.
Things are even worse when Miko is not around. She runs a tight ship and she was not here today. It appears she works a bit in Liverpool now.
So, when I arrived I was confronted by a relatively young, ok English speaking chubbster. She had all the customer service of a brick and I am sure was voted by her graduating class at high school ‘Girl Most Likely to Achieve Total Anonymity’. In this regard she has been successful.
I asked who was available and she led me to a massage room and said ‘I will show you”. What she showed me was one Ml and her name was Emily. Don’t get me wrong, she looked hot and I wasn’t about to knock her back. I paid my $50 for the hour and undressed while she went to get my change. When she returned she gave my butt and sensual swipe and I thought “Oh boy Steven, you’ve fallen into a good setup here”. I hadn’t.
Life consists of both positive and negatives and such was the case in this scenario.
Good:
Says she is 22 and looks it.
Very pretty face.
Kissable lips that I kissed.
Nice body with firm B+/C- cups.
Bad:
Knows absolutely nothing at all about a massage.
Tried to charge me $50 extra for a handjob!!
Didn’t even wipe my carcass with hot towels at the end.
Limited extras and expensive.
Trimmed my 60 min to 45.
The massage was hopeless. Her hands felt like sandpaper and she used so little oil I thought there must have been a strike at the oil factory and supplies had dried up. (Sorry, bad metaphor as water, not oil, dries up.)
She spent 80% of the time on my neck and if it wasn’t a problem before she got her mitts on it, it is probably trouble for me now. At one stage she said “I don’t know how to massage” and said this with all the conviction of someone revealing the code for the Rosetta Stone. I am thinking “The good news I it can’t get any worse.”
BUT
At rollover time the following conversation ensued:
Emily” Handjob?
Steven: Sure.
Emily: $50.
Steven: I will have to talk to my nephew Farquar.
Emily: Why?
Steven” Because if he agrees with that price I’ll get a new nephew
Anyway, or anyways if you’re a Philistine, I negotiated a nude hj.
She is a looker folks, but it’s all packaging and little satisfaction. I did enjoy kissing her lips, but I could and should have done the handjob myself.
She left the room and I thought it was to get hot towels, but I heard the toilet flush and it appears her break was merely to pee-pee. When she returned she announced the time was up.
Oh well, that’s the way it goes folks. Today is just one of those days in the life of Seagal. I bought one of those jumbo Allen’s Party Mix bags and I swear there is no mix, but a bunch of those banana shaped things that I hate.
BUT
The contents of the Party Mix is an appropriate element in living and writing on this punt.
Will I see sweet lips Emily again.
Duh! No.
I shall return friends,
Until that time . . .until that time.
Steven