Ultimately, you were "trained" or "groomed". But, the good thing was that you've managed to escape it. Sure it hurts, just as PTSD gave me the shits from my last viet ex and the ex-fiance before her did, but time does male it somewhat better. I ended up fucking other girls regardless. Only problem was that it isn't easy to open up for real. It isn't easy to trust again. It isn't easy to remember your true face. You'd naturally be suspicious of the next girl you would start seeing. More than the girl you see you get suspicious of, you only end up being suspicious of yourself. Rememeber that to heart and mind, then you would remember to look from the bigger picture of everything between and around yourself and the girl you next see.

.... this is just simply one little tiny point of view, basically. Not one to take seriously at all.